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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To re home the kitten

224 replies

Holliego · 05/09/2022 21:55

So, since getting our kitten my DH has been really struggling with his asthma. My Dd and I love him to absolute bits and don’t want to re home him! Please any suggestions? He said he hasn’t stopped sneezing and can feel it in his lungs. I’m actually devastated because obviously DH comes first

OP posts:
Holliego · 06/09/2022 09:13

So if it was really bad it would have happened already?

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CousinKrispy · 06/09/2022 09:15

I don't know the right answer for you, OP, but in my family we are all allergic to pet hair/dander (and I break out in a rash if a horse slobbers on me, fortunately I can avoid this in day to day life!) and we all have had cats all our lives, wouldn't be without them.

One sister has asthma which she manages with inhalers. She sometimes takes antihistamines for allergies too.

One sister takes loads of antihistamines, she is the most affected by allergies. She also has dogs and horses in addition to cats!

I just sneeze and snuffle periodically and don't think much about it. Dust and pollen and other things are also making me sneeze and snuffle too. It's just not a big deal.

None of us have had our health significantly affected by this, it's a minor irritation to us which doesn't outweigh the love and companionship we get from our pets.

Your H, like many others on this thread, may be more severely allergic and it's a serious concern to him. Or he may only have minor symptoms, but prefers not to experience them, and that's his choice.

Just wanted to give the perspective of someone who suffers from mild symptoms but will ignore them for the sake of the bloody cats ;-)

CousinKrispy · 06/09/2022 09:17

Also just to say that allergies are funny ... sometimes people who don't have them initially can develop them later. So there's no guarantee your H's symptoms wouldn't get worse later. But by that time he might feel like the cat is a settled part of the family and be happy to manage with antihistamines, or you might have chosen the cat over him (joking ... maybe)

Frequency · 06/09/2022 09:21

My cat allergy is described as "moderate" by my specialist. As soon as I am near a strange cat my eyes start feeling hot and dry, this worsens over the course of 5-10 minutes until my eyes are streaming and I want to claw them out of my head. Then I start getting a runny nose and sneezing and a rash on my face and neck. After about 15 minutes I will start feeling my asthma triggering and needing my blue inhaler. The blue inhaler will help ease the attack so that I can still breathe but it's a struggle, like something is tightening around my wind pipe. The symptoms won't ease until I take myself away from the cat and wash my hands and face (and change clothes if the cat has been on me).

With my own cats I tended to keep my distance for the first few weeks but them being in the house and me not actually touching them caused a milder version of the above symptoms. My eyes were constantly itchy and red, I couldn't breathe properly 100% of the time to the extent that I found it irritating rather than life-threatening like a blocked nose but in your windpipe if that makes sense? And my face and neck were always red and hot to touch.

This started to ease off after two weeks with my eyes getting better first and my asthma calming back down to normal levels after a month.

But everyone is different.

BadNomad · 06/09/2022 09:22

He should speak to his GP and you should speak to a vet. You don't know what part of the cat is causing the symptoms. It's not always the dander. It can be proteins in the saliva or urine. Waiting to see if he gets bad is not the way to do it. He is having symptoms so you need to address it.

BaileySharp · 06/09/2022 09:24

I overcame my allergy to cats by adopting some. I was sneezy for a few weeks abd then it settled. DH might be having too strong a reaction though. I bought a spray to help with allergens and kept them out of our bedroom at first so try that?

Leafy3 · 06/09/2022 09:33

Asthma is a different ball game to an allergy.
I have a few allergies that trigger my asthma and have to say when it's playing up its a horrible feeling, like I can't catch a breath.

The straightforward answer is rehome the kitten. Agree your dh should tell your daughter- don't let him fob off to you.

However it sounds like other issues at play here too and I think you need to do some real thinking about what you want.
Is your marriage worth giving up the kitten for, even if your marriage doesn't work out?

PurpleWisteria · 06/09/2022 09:41

Holliego · 06/09/2022 09:13

So if it was really bad it would have happened already?

No. It can increase with each exposure. DS was blue lighted to hospital after anencephalic shock brought on from next door's cat he'd been ok with until that day.

He nearly died. Your DH could die. Try explaining that to your DD.

PurpleWisteria · 06/09/2022 09:42

Anaphylactic

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/09/2022 09:47

whynotwhatknot · Yesterday 23:34
sounds like you want to split up anyway so rehome the dh
be easy if he says he doesnt want to come home just say ok then“

tad harsh? Presumably, it’s his home too.

Holliego · 06/09/2022 09:51

I will ring the vet and pharmacist today to see if there is anything I can do.

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autienotnaughty · 06/09/2022 09:52

The issue is u can try things but it will take time and all the time ur daughter is growing more attached. It would be kinder to her and the kitten to regime now. Or U can keep kitten but u may lose the husband?

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/09/2022 09:55

Sounds like he’s faking it tbh, I can hear dn asthma on the phone when it’s playing them up.

Feel it coming 🙄

Holliego · 06/09/2022 09:55

Im we are both wfh today and his breathing seems fine, no sneezing etc. I just don’t know 😩

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Holliego · 06/09/2022 09:56

I honestly need it to be a last resort. He honestly seems fine to me.

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PurpleWisteria · 06/09/2022 09:57

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/09/2022 09:55

Sounds like he’s faking it tbh, I can hear dn asthma on the phone when it’s playing them up.

Feel it coming 🙄

What a stupid thing to say. OP has already said he has

PurpleWisteria · 06/09/2022 09:57

Asthma

buttons123456 · 06/09/2022 09:59

Leave your husband and go and live with cat and dd .. problem solved✅

Holliego · 06/09/2022 10:01

I am not breaking up my family for a kitten. Let’s get realistic

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SarahSissions · 06/09/2022 10:04

You don’t sound like you have a great relationship with your husband. Could he be insisting the cat goes a exert control over you, make you miserable or force you into leaving him because he doesn’t have the bottle to leave you?

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 06/09/2022 10:08

Holliego · 05/09/2022 23:31

I don’t know what the right answer is here. I haven’t seen him struggling, if I did I would rethink obviously. He stayed out all weekend at some gig in London, works long hours, plays sport. Im always on my own anyway.

if it was genuinely affecting him you'd be able to see it, you can't! It's not.

I think it's just blaming the kitten when he just wants to stay out anyway.

keep the kitten.

Holliego · 06/09/2022 10:16

I’m going to get more info on this from a pharmacist. I won’t get rid of the kitten lightly

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Porcupineintherough · 06/09/2022 10:23

The thing is, it doesn't have to "be really bad". It's totally unreasonable for you to expect him to put up with mild allergy symptoms or take antihistamines every day just so you can have a cat. It's totally reasonable for him to want to be allergy free in his own home. It's actually OK for him to just not want a cat.

Holliego · 06/09/2022 10:31

He lives with allergy symptoms everyday regardless, dust etc. he sorts his clothes out and is constantly sneezing. It isn’t just the cat.

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Holliego · 06/09/2022 10:31

He gets really irritated when the heating is on also

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