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AIBU?

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Original poster

To re home the kitten

224 replies

Holliego · 05/09/2022 21:55

So, since getting our kitten my DH has been really struggling with his asthma. My Dd and I love him to absolute bits and don’t want to re home him! Please any suggestions? He said he hasn’t stopped sneezing and can feel it in his lungs. I’m actually devastated because obviously DH comes first

OP posts:
Aus84 · 05/09/2022 22:49

I’m allergic to cats. It’s awful and quite debilitating. constant itchy eyes, sore throat, sneezing and I end up feeling fatigued all the time. I would hate to have to have medication just to keep a cat in the house. It’s really not fair to him.

sunshineandshowers40 · 05/09/2022 22:49

When we got our kitten my eldest was sneezing and coughing, I was really concerned but they didn't want the kitten to go. We kept him out of their bedroom and things calmed down after 3 months. Nearly two years now, and no allergy issues.

CheapBeersFilledwithCrocodileTears · 05/09/2022 22:52

OP, it sounds like you have two separate issues here.

  • IF you want to stay with your DH, then yes, the kitten does have to go. Cats cause serious asthma attacks in 3 out of 10 asthma sufferers and it could make him very ill. He was a complete fucking idiot for not saying something BEFORE your DD got the kitten.
  • IF this is the breaking point and you’re suddenly realizing that you’d actually rather have a kitten than your husband, despite how serious it is for his health, and you’re incredibly angry at him for knowing he had asthma and allergies and didn’t like cats and STILL let your DD get one then… maybe this is about a lot more than just rehoming the kitten and the kitten is the (adorable) kick up the arse you need to rehome your DH.

I don’t know which it is, but good luck.

AnOldCynic · 05/09/2022 22:55

@sunshineandshowers40

Keep on top of the dusting (wet dusting) and hoovering. Buy an air purifier and use it in your bedroom at least to keep the air free of free of pet dander.

Fexofenadine is a good prescription antihistamine.

Don't let him handle the kitten and get him to wash his hands if he does.

Original poster
Holliego · 05/09/2022 22:55

What do I tell my DD 😢

OP posts:
ShaneTwane · 05/09/2022 22:56

Asthma can be fatal.

Either get rid of the cat or get rid of the husband the choice is yours.

What do you tell your daughter? The truth that her dad is allergic to the cat and its serious.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 05/09/2022 22:58

The difficulty is that the severity of an allergy is so variable. So yes- some people can pop a few antihistamines and are fine. Other folk are like my relative- very seriously allergic, to the extent that no one in the family can have one as they would never be able to visit us otherwise. It can mean an A&E visit, not just discomfort.

But if your husband is that allergic, I don't understand why he didn't pipe up before, or why you wouldn't have known already. True it commonly goes with asthma so it should have been a big consideration I would have thought.

Anyway, unless you just have a bit of a black sense of humour about your marriage, sounds like you'd rather he f3cked off than the cat?

Energypanic · 05/09/2022 23:03

I raised my cats from kittens and developed a sudden strong allergy to them when they were 6 years old. If I hadn't already spent so long bonding with them before it started I'd have rehomed them.

Even with strong medications I never feel "normal" unless I go away from home for a few days. Some days it's miserable, some it's not too bad, but I can always feel it. As much as I love my kitties (and I really really do), some days I feel like I'm just waiting for them to pass of old age so I can go back to being "normal" again. It's been over 3 years now and I tried all the usual suggestions but none of them are a cure.

Better to rehome now before bonds get even stronger, or he'll grow to resent you all for putting a kitten above his health and ability to breathe.

Snugglemonkey · 05/09/2022 23:04

CheapBeersFilledwithCrocodileTears · 05/09/2022 22:52

OP, it sounds like you have two separate issues here.

  • IF you want to stay with your DH, then yes, the kitten does have to go. Cats cause serious asthma attacks in 3 out of 10 asthma sufferers and it could make him very ill. He was a complete fucking idiot for not saying something BEFORE your DD got the kitten.
  • IF this is the breaking point and you’re suddenly realizing that you’d actually rather have a kitten than your husband, despite how serious it is for his health, and you’re incredibly angry at him for knowing he had asthma and allergies and didn’t like cats and STILL let your DD get one then… maybe this is about a lot more than just rehoming the kitten and the kitten is the (adorable) kick up the arse you need to rehome your DH.

I don’t know which it is, but good luck.

This is my thinking too. If you want to stay together, you tell your daughter that the cat is making daddy very ill and so has to go to a new home.

Obeythedancecommander · 05/09/2022 23:05

What about the purina liveclear allergy cat food? The allergy is supposedly caused by saliva that gets onto the fur and this food does something to bind to the allergens and reduced symptoms.

SmackAttack · 05/09/2022 23:11

My brother had this problem but he was very much put on the spot before agreeing to a kitten. His wife and daughter had already been to see one and his daughter had been told by told mum that if she asks dad nice enough she will melt his heart and he won't be able to say no.

They had a back up plan though and gran, a few doors up was willing to have the kitten if my brother struggled because his wife didn't want him hospitalised with his asthma again and sadly even with medication and constant cleaning it became clear quite quickly that he wasn't gonna be ok. So while my brother was willing to try medication, they made it clear to their daughter before bringing it home if it makes daddy'a asthma bad then kitten can't live with them and would have to live her gran where she could go and see it.

BanditoShipman · 05/09/2022 23:15

My dh was like this but settled down within a month. Have kitten free areas, ie your bedroom? Try petalcleanse? Re home the dh!!

PugInTheHouse · 05/09/2022 23:16

DH was allergic but after a weeks or so of taking antihistamines every day he was totally fine. He's never had an issue since. It's very difficult to say as obviously all allergies are different.

KneeQuestion · 05/09/2022 23:20

Keep the kitten…

IndigoC · 05/09/2022 23:23

How about getting a HEPA filter? We have one and it’s been brilliant at reducing allergies.

Original poster
Holliego · 05/09/2022 23:27

I haven’t heard him sneeze/wheeze once tbh. But I don’t suffer from asthma so I wouldn’t know

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 05/09/2022 23:28

Rehome the husband!

My brother asthma had asthma and we had cats, he eventually become immune!!

JaceLancs · 05/09/2022 23:30

I have asthma and other allergies but take fexofenadine, montelukast and use 2 types of inhalers as I adore my 2 Dcats
they are not allowed upstairs either which helps immensely

addictedtotheflats · 05/09/2022 23:30

I have asthma and developed a cat allergy after moving out despite always having cats growing up and when I go back and see my mum now, or even to a friends house with a cat my eyes are itching and nose running within an hour. I just take antihistamines, sometimes 2 different types and I'm usually fine. How long have you had it? Maybe get some prescription antihistamine like fexafenadine and see if they work better.

MissMaple82 · 05/09/2022 23:31

notdaddycool · 05/09/2022 22:45

The cat goes

I disagree, the man goes!

Original poster
Holliego · 05/09/2022 23:31

I don’t know what the right answer is here. I haven’t seen him struggling, if I did I would rethink obviously. He stayed out all weekend at some gig in London, works long hours, plays sport. Im always on my own anyway.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 05/09/2022 23:34

You need to rehome. It will be better for your cat if you do it soon while still cute and tiny and finding a new home is easy.

whynotwhatknot · 05/09/2022 23:34

sounds like you want to split up anyway so rehome the dh
be easy if he says he doesnt want to come home just say ok then

Slopey · 05/09/2022 23:35

We use an ionising air purifier, damp dust and mop, keep the cat downstairs in hard floored rooms only, permanently, let it go outdoors when big enough, and I use Beconase nasal spray as well as antihistamines. Keeping the cat away from bedrooms is really important, it gives my system a break when getting used to a new cat. Vacuum with a HEPA filter and don't vacuum too much because it tends to whips up the allergens into the air. It's only anecdotal but I think the air purifier makes a huge difference.

However, I have a hayfever reaction, not asthma. And asthma can kill.