AIBU to be put out by friends' kids turning up to grown-up dinner?

[VingtQuatreFaubourg]

This weekend we had four other couples, all old friends, round to eat and to celebrate various things and catch up after the summer. We all have teens of various ages. I said it was going to be grown-ups only so it wasn't too unwieldy/expensive and we could chat freely, relax and enjoy some nice food and wine. My DC were very happy with this and they planned a sleepover elsewhere. Childcare/other arrangements made by the other families (or so I thought).

On the evening we were all having a great time, and then halfway through dinner one couple's older two teens turned up. We were surprised but said hi, how are you, lovely to see you etc and expected them to just be popping in for a few minutes (they said they were on their way out to a party) BUT they basically joined us, ended up staying for hours, eating and drinking, a bit of 'holding court' going on, and it just completely changed the dynamic as they were so dominant - it stopped being a grown-up conversation. They are lovely kids but it was not the evening I had planned.

Their parents completely indulged and encouraged this (it's not the first time this kind of thing has happened, now I think about it, they seem to think their kids are 'special' and adults-only boundaries don't apply to them) and didn't say anything. Eventually DH gently suggested it was time for them to go so we could get back to the adult chat, but it was a bit awkward.

AIBU to think our friends and the teens should have understood that a grown-up evening doesn't include anyone's children?

Can’t stand people who think I want to spend my limited socializing time with THEIR kids! Especially when it becomes all about them… Just no thanks!!

Thing is, I’m friends with the adults, I am not friends, nor do I want to be friends with, my friends’ children. Last thing I want to do is listen to them dominating the conversation and sit round while they hold court. It’s boring. However, the main thing for me is that the OP wanted an adult only evening and didn’t invite the teenagers.

Years ago we had a photo shoot for a gang of us who were graduating, one of the girls brought her 5 year old and she’s slap bang in the middle of the pic - didn’t order a copy so miffed!

KalvinPhillipsBoots · Yesterday 13:47
First world problems 🙄

So?

Are you saying we're not allowed to be upset/disturbed/peeved etc., etc unless the subject's war, 4th stage cancer or landslides in Pakistan?

Get real and quit the "holier than thou", it simply makes you sound obnoxious.

Pretty sure these kids would have been mortified if their parents turned up at one of their social events and spent the evening talking to their friends.
Very entitled of them and yanbu to be miffed op.

What is it with these people who insist on dragging their kids or spouse everywhere or invite a random friend along to a reunion of old friends? Have they no idea of how inappropriate this is and how much they annoy everyone?

Maybe for free food & drink?

Whilst I love my friends children ‘popping’ into my house if we are entertaining and likewise my 2 popping into their houses, this definitely was out of order.

My children and my friends children definitely love the craic with the oldies but know it’s a quick ‘hi and bye’ unless my 2 ask them to stay and they all mosey into another room.

this sums it up so well

Well, that's as good a reason as any.

If your invitation had made it clear "NO KIDS," then the parents should have taken their children aside (or outside) and explained the situation to them. In fact, they should have explained BEFORE the dinner. If they are old enough to COME to the dinner by themselves, then they are old enough to LEAVE the dinner by themselves.
YANBU and you would not be unreasonable not to invite the parents again. If the parents have to have their kids come with them to every adult-type gathering, then they will have to learn "the hard way."

P.S. I honestly don't know why teenagers would want to be around older adults anyway, but maybe the food attracted them, and then the attention they got.

@Butterdishtea

she can not have them there for any reason

they were not invited, they had no right to be there

Yes it’s not for you to say it’s lovely it’s for your guests to say that or otherwise. But also it’s not comparable if it’s an event at your child’s home as opposed to child coming out with you uninvited.

No off spring please?

This.

Sometimes I begin to wonder about the world after the shit I read on here. It's not my life experience at all thank god!

@LaundryBin your kids board? So if mine boarded - then yes, having as much time as possible with them over the weekend would be a priority but for the OP - she was happy with a break from teens as sees them day in and day out.

The kids in question were on their way to a party, so all concerned (kids and parents) knew perfectly well they weren't included in the invitation.

YADNBU OP. I’d have been fuming and as for the teens takings seats from adults at the table … utterly crass.

Shame you didn’t start a really cringy conversation about the finer details of home decorating and keep returning to it until they got bored and left. Or talk graphically about your sex lives 😂😂😂

Dont invite these "friends"again next time
They sound pretty shit

Why such black & white thinking?

Next time - make is 100% clear that it's invite only, & adults only.
So much easier & so much less socially destructive ...

Because this is the Mumsnet way. If anyone offends, irritates or slightly irks you, you cut them out of your life forever. As a preparation for that, you have to start referring to them in ironic quotes - "friends", "dear" husband. You may have had a ten- or twenty-year relationship that has got you both through good time and bad, but that counts for naught the minute they do something to piss you off. They are shit. They are taking advantage of your giving nature. Stop inviting them. Go NC. Have them digitally-erased from your wedding photos. See if you can get something on them and call the police.

Most mumsnetters, apparently, have so many friends that they can easily afford to sack them at the rate of about one a fortnight.

Quite right too. She came round here and, without a by-your-leave or kiss-me-foot, ate the last Jammie Dodger. CF! You're better off without. You deserve better.

Do you think OP that possibly the teens were told they couldn’t come and did this on purpose? As they are so obviously up their own and indulged? They probably thought it was a funny thing to do to get back at you???

Posters querying OP on why she didn't want teens there or that they would are missing the point. She made a point/rule and they ignored it (a lot ie for a long time) and I quite understand that it was irritating.

I would presume that they didn't turn up off their own back if they knew none of the others were going especially the OP's own children. Although once they were there they should have gone quickly. Maybe the parents were irritated and told them that the OP would be OK with it "pop in to say happy birthday" or something like that? Whatever it was rude of both the parents and the children.

This 'rules don't apply to me' seems to happen a lot in this country (I'm presuming OP is in the UK). In our family there are a group of women who have socialised alone together for years but one of them has now started bringing along a (female) friend and the others are peed off about it and they have had 'heated debates' but she still does it and the friend must have a thick skin not to pick up on the atmosphere. It changes the dynamics and there are some topics they do not want to discuss with someone they don't know that well. This group also socialises with partners and larger groups of friends and family but more regularly together. They also know that this relative would not be happy if they had done the same and brought along friends. The relative considers herself the baby of the family (despite her age) and that she is entitled to do it. Rude.

@Notaflippinclue

Years ago we had a photo shoot for a gang of us who were graduating, one of the girls brought her 5 year old and she’s slap bang in the middle of the pic - didn’t order a copy so miffed!

That's an odd or unthinking thing for her to do!

At our wedding one (usually lovely) family member kept pushing/telling her little girl to be in our photos. So we had a few with her in the foreground and us in the background - looking like she was a bridesmaid which we didn't have. There were other children there who's parents were probably wondering why they weren't having their photos taken. It was a bit awkward. I mumbled to the photographer if he could do something and she was firmly kept out of the more intimate ones from then on. It goes without saying that we didn't order any with her in.

You’ve conveniently missed out the teens took over the evening.

Precisely what OP wanted to avoid.