AIBU to be put out by friends' kids turning up to grown-up dinner?

VingtQuatreFaubourg · 2022-09-05T12:05:36+00:00

This weekend we had four other couples, all old friends, round to eat and to celebrate various things and catch up after the summer. We all have teens of various ages. I said it was going to be grown-ups only so it wasn't too unwieldy/expensive and we could chat freely, relax and enjoy some nice food and wine. My DC were very happy with this and they planned a sleepover elsewhere. Childcare/other arrangements made by the other families (or so I thought). On the evening we were all having a great time, and then halfway through dinner one couple's older two teens turned up. We were surprised but said hi, how are you, lovely to see you etc and expected them to just be popping in for a few minutes (they said they were on their way out to a party) BUT they basically joined us, ended up staying for hours, eating and drinking, a bit of 'holding court' going on, and it just completely changed the dynamic as they were so dominant - it stopped being a grown-up conversation. They are lovely kids but it was not the evening I had planned. Their parents completely indulged and encouraged this (it's not the first time this kind of thing has happened, now I think about it, they seem to think their kids are 'special' and adults-only boundaries don't apply to them) and didn't say anything. Eventually DH gently suggested it was time for them to go so we could get back to the adult chat, but it was a bit awkward. AIBU to think our friends and the teens should have understood that a grown-up evening doesn't include anyone's children?

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:08

Older teens?

i would probably enjoy them joining half through dinner! Morning you can’t say in front of them and always interesting to get insight in to teens when all relaxed!

Itsallok · 05/09/2022 13:08

I'm with you. We have some friends like this. Their kids come or turn up. They are not interesting, dominate conversation and are just a pain in the arse. Parents think they are Xmas. We no longer invite the parents over.

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:09

Also you have to ask yourself

what could the parents have said? Pee off to your room? In their home?

ChagSameachDoreen · 05/09/2022 13:09

Why did you not say something if you weren't happy with them being there?

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:10

ChagSameachDoreen · 05/09/2022 13:09

Why did you not say something if you weren't happy with them being there?

Oh come on
be realistic

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2022 13:11

I would not be inviting this couple again.

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:12

What?? It was at your house?? I’m sorry I missed that.

unbelievably rude

InternetRandom · 05/09/2022 13:12

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:09

Also you have to ask yourself

what could the parents have said? Pee off to your room? In their home?

It wasn't their home. It was OP's home

CruCru · 05/09/2022 13:13

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:09

Also you have to ask yourself

what could the parents have said? Pee off to your room? In their home?

I think this was in the OP's home. The older teens turned up to her house when they weren't invited.

Yep, just don't invite them again. Apart from anything else, being invited to someone else's house and then allowing / encouraging your relatives (older or younger) to show up is weird.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/09/2022 13:13

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:09

Also you have to ask yourself

what could the parents have said? Pee off to your room? In their home?

Pretty sure it was the OPs house not these teens?

LovelyDaaling · 05/09/2022 13:16

It was OP's home and another couple's teens. What a cheek.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/09/2022 13:18

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:08

Older teens?

i would probably enjoy them joining half through dinner! Morning you can’t say in front of them and always interesting to get insight in to teens when all relaxed!

And first post…. It’s the apologist! And what’s the betting they’ll be in here after pretty much every post telling the poor OP that she should have felt privileged to be honoured by the company of a pair of random uninvited teenagers teensplaining and holding court at her party.

I often wonder how the parents of the super indulged fare in later life. Do their children respond by caring for and prioritising their parents’ needs, or do they just continue being self centred as they have been taught?

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/09/2022 13:19

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/09/2022 13:18

And first post…. It’s the apologist! And what’s the betting they’ll be in here after pretty much every post telling the poor OP that she should have felt privileged to be honoured by the company of a pair of random uninvited teenagers teensplaining and holding court at her party.

I often wonder how the parents of the super indulged fare in later life. Do their children respond by caring for and prioritising their parents’ needs, or do they just continue being self centred as they have been taught?

Show quote history

😂

read my last post. You can Untangle your knickers

TirisfalPumpkin · 05/09/2022 13:22

Wouldn’t blame the teens, their brains aren’t fully developed.

the parents are definitely at fault and tbh if it’s a pattern with them, wouldn’t have them over again.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 05/09/2022 13:22

I think the point is, as OP said, that it changes the dynamic, and is no longer the evening you had planned.

It's not saying DC aren't welcome in the home at all, just not to an event they weren't invited to.

We have a circle of friends that we socialise with as couples, but also separately sometimes just the women. One husband turns up almost every single time at some point during the evening when we have a girls' night . We all find it really annoying as he takes over but it's not an easy thing to say to him or his wife. We've tried but just get 'he doesn't like being on his own and you all know him' - which we do, and love him to bits. Doesn't mean I want it socialise with him all the time.

I disagree that there's nothing you can't say in front of older teenagers. As parents sometimes you have worries you'd discuss with your closest friends but not with your DC.

Also difficult to say something without sounding rude. If it were my DC who turned up at someone else's dinner party, I'd take them to one side and tell them to be on their way. But just like my friend who is happy for her husband to be at everything she goes to, some parents are the same about their kids.

No easy answer but I sympathise with you OP

Georgeskitchen · 05/09/2022 13:26

Slightly surprised that 2 teenagers would even consider spending a whole evening around their parents and others of parents age group. I sure wouldn't have at that age, although my parents and their friends were totally boring (IMHO)
It does seem rather rude to just rock up, scoff your food and take over whole evening!!

Potatosaladfiend · 05/09/2022 13:27

Are the ‘older teens’ adults OP? Is that possibly the source of a misunderstanding?

LaundryBin · 05/09/2022 13:31

How long were they there for? I think it sounds nice, to be honest- I love chatting with my friends' teenage children so to have them drop in on the way to a party would be a treat. I get that you had planned and specified "adults only" but I also think there's something to be said for going with the flow.

Obviously MN will tell you that you must break off all contact with this family and never see any of them again 😂

pastaandpesto · 05/09/2022 13:42

Total CF behaviour!

I have a young teen who really enjoys adult company when we have friends over. He is quite chatty and easy going, and I'll usually let him hand round with us for a while at the start of the evening. It's lovely! But I am under no illusions whatsoever that adult guests do NOT want to spend an entire evening with someone else's teenager, so I always gently shoo him off out or upstairs after an hour.

Abracadabra12345 · 05/09/2022 13:43

We have a circle of friends that we socialise with as couples, but also separately sometimes just the women. One husband turns up almost every single time at some point during the evening when we have a girls' night . We all find it really annoying as he takes over but it's not an easy thing to say to him or his wife. We've tried but just get 'he doesn't like being on his own and you all know him' - which we do, and love him to bits. Doesn't mean I want it socialise with him all the time.

So why doesn’t he get his own friends if he’s lonely?! It’s the height of rudeness and also a bit controlling. However, if no one says anything and bluntly, then it’s going to continue.

As for OP: again, so rude if they stayed on!

mamabear715 · 05/09/2022 13:45

I would NOT be impressed.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 05/09/2022 13:45

Abracadabra12345 · 05/09/2022 13:43

We have a circle of friends that we socialise with as couples, but also separately sometimes just the women. One husband turns up almost every single time at some point during the evening when we have a girls' night . We all find it really annoying as he takes over but it's not an easy thing to say to him or his wife. We've tried but just get 'he doesn't like being on his own and you all know him' - which we do, and love him to bits. Doesn't mean I want it socialise with him all the time.

So why doesn’t he get his own friends if he’s lonely?! It’s the height of rudeness and also a bit controlling. However, if no one says anything and bluntly, then it’s going to continue.

As for OP: again, so rude if they stayed on!

He has plenty of friends, more FOMO than lonely IMO. Agree we just need to be more blunt!

Beautiful3 · 05/09/2022 13:46

I don't think i would have let them in during our sit down dinner. I would have asked them to wait at the door, and sent out their parents.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 05/09/2022 13:47

First world problems 🙄

FuzzyPuffling · 05/09/2022 13:48

pastaandpesto · 05/09/2022 13:42

Total CF behaviour!

I have a young teen who really enjoys adult company when we have friends over. He is quite chatty and easy going, and I'll usually let him hand round with us for a while at the start of the evening. It's lovely! But I am under no illusions whatsoever that adult guests do NOT want to spend an entire evening with someone else's teenager, so I always gently shoo him off out or upstairs after an hour.

You may think it is lovely. I wouldn't.