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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i'm not being rude to go to bed at 3am

252 replies

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:20

So I'm spending the weekend at my DP's house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it's 'rude to just take yourself off to bed'.

AIBU to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you're all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 04/09/2022 03:25

YANBU. Not even remotely.

raindon · 04/09/2022 03:25

He's being ridiculous

DutchessOfMuck · 04/09/2022 03:27

Is your DM the Queen?

steff13 · 04/09/2022 03:29

Have you posted about them before. The father thinks you're lazy or something? I'd stop visiting either way.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:41

If you'd gone up at 9pm I might see their point. So few adults would go to bed at 9pm that it would look like you prefer spending the hours before bed alone in your room, rather than socialising with them. By 3am, it's fairly obvious that all you're going up there to do is sleep.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/09/2022 03:43

They are both barmy and totally unreasonable.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:43

Even so, if a family guest is tired or even just peopled out at 9pm, then I don't see the problem in them excusing themselves.

OneFootInTheGrave91 · 04/09/2022 03:48

Since when is it rude to rest when you are tired? Wtf!

Original poster
Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:51

Apparently it's more rude bcos I've come up to their bed as they don't have a guest room.

OP posts:
ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:52

Er — what? Were you supposed to stay up all night? Or drive home at 4.30am?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/09/2022 03:52

That's ridiculous! Is it possible he has forgotten what time it is?

teezletangler · 04/09/2022 03:58

They are absolutely nuts. They might still have been up at 5 for all you know! And therefore you should have been too? Crazy.

Original poster
Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:59

Also DP said if they 'were in my house with my family late at night, they would never dream of standing up and only addressing me and say goodnight and go upstairs bcos it would be rude to just excuse thereself and go up to my bed in my mums house, and said that it would feel as though they were treating it as their house.

OP posts:
Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 04/09/2022 04:03

Why are you with this person? Surely you know how unhinged this is.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 04/09/2022 04:04

And yes, the time you are posting this means you will get the newborn mothers piling in and we will defend a woman’s right to sleep!

PhoenixReincarnated · 04/09/2022 04:13

YANBU from someone who isn't a new born mum.

christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:17

Did you say goodnight to his mother?

Are you in your DP bed? Was the plan that you'd stay overnight all along?

Slowandwobbly · 04/09/2022 04:19

I'm an extreme owl but I don't expect others to be. Your DP and family were unreasonable.

Original poster
Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 04:21

No I didn't reply directly to DP's mum, but she was sitting next to her. And yes the plan was always to stay over in DP's bed.

OP posts:
christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:27

Reply directly? Did she speak
To you then and you ignored her?

It kind of sounds like there is more than we are reading.

You was on the said, got up kissed partner and said doing to bed an up you went. Did the mother say anything during this interaction and why didn't you say anything to her like, had a good evening, see you in the morning etc. *# sounds like you blanked her?

christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:27

Is that more what your partner is annoyed about rather than the fact you were going to bed but the way in which you went to bed?

Original poster
Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 04:28

No she didn't say anything to me, they were mid conversation.

OP posts:
christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:33

Ok does sound like a strange conversation but you shouldn't feel bad for going to bed at 3am.

Are they still up? What are their sleeping arrangements?

I wonder if they expected you to kind of say right then ladies I'm off to bed but you enjoy the rest of the night.

Original poster
Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 04:36

They usually go to bed fairly early.

Apparently it partly matters that I didn't say night to DP's mum but mainly it's that they think it's rude to take yourself off to bed when you're tired. And that they wouldn't do it in my house and would stay up all night if needed.

OP posts:
christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:38

I have to agree that it seems a bit ignorant not to address the mother and I can see where they are coming from there.

The points about you staying up all night is plain weird.

So you're staying in the same room as your partner and the mother has another room?

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