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To think i'm not being rude to go to bed at 3am

252 replies

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:20

So I'm spending the weekend at my DP's house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it's 'rude to just take yourself off to bed'.

AIBU to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you're all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

3721 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Nik2015 · 04/09/2022 08:26

Where are they sleeping?

londonrach · 04/09/2022 08:27

At 3am!!!! I'm shocked. They totally wrong....I'd have gone up at 10pm as no way be awake at 3am

Saracen · 04/09/2022 08:28

Agree with others: not rude to go off to bed, slightly rude not to say goodnight to everyone in the room.

I didn't understand about the bed - did you go to the bed you were expected to sleep in? If so, what was the problem?

Antarcticant · 04/09/2022 08:29

It's bizarre to expect people to stay up when they are tired - especially at 3am when being tired is what you'd expect. YANBU.

BellePeppa · 04/09/2022 08:31

BadNomad · 04/09/2022 07:41

Why? It's her house. She probably didn't predict the OP would fuck off without a word to her.

"DPMum, thank you for letting me stay. I'm going to head to bed now."
"No worries, DPGF. Just let me grab my nighty."

Look how simple that is.

At 3am? Don’t you think she should have ‘grabbed’ her nightie long before then? And she wouldn’t have said ‘no worries’ as she thought it was rude to go to bed before anyone else anyway.

Rafting2022 · 04/09/2022 08:35

Where are all these weird parallel universes with people randomly staying up till 3am and other people thinking they shouldn’t get to bed until the host is ready?


HaveringWavering · 04/09/2022 08:36

Aargh this makes no sense.

  1. Does your DP normally live with their parents or were you both visiting?

  1. Whose bed did you go to- your DP's bed, or your DP's mother's bed?

  1. Had you stayed there before?
Herejustforthisone · 04/09/2022 08:42

They’re insane. Go home immediately.

Thoughtful2355 · 04/09/2022 08:47

okay i think his reasoning is silly but yes you were rude. you were sat on the sofa not engaging with them it seems then said night to your partner but sounds like you ignored his mum. Then you went off to bed in her house probably seeming a little bit bitchface about the fact it was 3am.

SomethingVexesThee · 04/09/2022 08:47

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:59

Also DP said if they 'were in my house with my family late at night, they would never dream of standing up and only addressing me and say goodnight and go upstairs bcos it would be rude to just excuse thereself and go up to my bed in my mums house, and said that it would feel as though they were treating it as their house.

This is bonkers, obviously. However:

YABU for referring to your GF as your partner when you don't even live together Grin

YABU for the painful overuse of them/their rather than clarifying GF/her mother so we can all actually understand who said what and whose bed you slept in

You were very unreasonable not to say a quick goodnight to your girlfriend's mum. How rude!

Thoughtful2355 · 04/09/2022 08:48

but id be leaving him if he really thought someone shouldnt go to bed before other people.

RedBonnet · 04/09/2022 08:48

You are an adult and can go to bed anytime you like.

It's rude not to say goodnight to everyone who's still awake though.

greystarblanchard · 04/09/2022 08:57

I would have said goodnight to the both of them but you are by no means for excusing yourself at 3am to go to sleep. How strange.

greystarblanchard · 04/09/2022 08:58

greystarblanchard · 04/09/2022 08:57

I would have said goodnight to the both of them but you are by no means for excusing yourself at 3am to go to sleep. How strange.

you are by no means rude, that should say

Abhannmor · 04/09/2022 09:06

Bonkers. It's rude to force an exhausted woman to stay awake for your entertainment.

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 09:09

YABVU to interrupt their conversation by going over and kissing him and then not even bothering to say GN to his DM.

YANBU to go to bed any time you want.

I don’t get the bed situation.
Did you just help yourself to DM’s bed without asking?

PortalooSunset · 04/09/2022 09:12

It's not rude to go to bed when you're tired, of course it's not, but it was rude to not acknowledge/say goodnight to your dp's mum.

BadNomad · 04/09/2022 09:12

BellePeppa · 04/09/2022 08:31

At 3am? Don’t you think she should have ‘grabbed’ her nightie long before then? And she wouldn’t have said ‘no worries’ as she thought it was rude to go to bed before anyone else anyway.

I don't care. It's still rude to not say goodnight to the people whose house you are staying in when they are sat right there beside the person you do say goodnight to. No one is that brain-dead at 3am.

Glitteratitar · 04/09/2022 09:17

I suspect this is less about you going to bed but more about you just flouncing off to bed without saying good night. It is rude to ignore your partner’s mum like that.

FeetupTvon · 04/09/2022 09:19

Sounds ludicrous.
I’d get out of the relationship whilst you can.

Frazzled2207 · 04/09/2022 09:20

Batshit. If you took yourself off to bed without saying anything at 8/9pm that might be considered a bit rude but at 3am….jeez

Pixiedust1234 · 04/09/2022 09:25

I think you have misunderstood your DP. The rudeness was interrupting her and MIL mid conversation and only saying goodnight to one of them. THAT is fucking rude, no matter at what time.


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Thesehills · 04/09/2022 09:27

Not rude in the slightest, the norm in our house and anyone else's I've been a guest in.

He's being petulant.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 04/09/2022 09:27

I’d be packing my bags and telling them both to sod off!
he’s rude . Go home and get rid of them both!

Thesehills · 04/09/2022 09:29

or she's

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