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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i'm not being rude to go to bed at 3am

252 replies

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:20

So I'm spending the weekend at my DP's house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it's 'rude to just take yourself off to bed'.

AIBU to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you're all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?

OP posts:
lightcurtains · 04/09/2022 04:44

I don't think it's at all rude. I'm wondering why your partner thinks it's rude? Is it that she'd get a hard time from her mum about it?
Whatever the reason, you were not being rude. You can't be expected to stay up until whenever they decide to go to bed when it's 3 in the morning..!

Ragwort · 04/09/2022 04:51

I agree it's rude not to say 'Good night' to your DP's mother ... but they are more than rude to expect a guest to stay up until 3am ... why were they up so late? I don't think I've ever been up that late in life Shock.

StClare101 · 04/09/2022 04:51

The only thing that was rude was not wishing your MIL good night. That was a very strange thing (not) to do.

christmas2022 · 04/09/2022 04:52

Would they have thought you rude if you fell asleep on the sofa or is that where they thought you'd would be sleeping?

You mentioned about no guest room.

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2022 05:27

It would have been better to say goodnight to everyone but I regularly take myself off to bed early when we go to my in-laws so I don’t think that part is rude at all

oopsfellover · 04/09/2022 05:30

I don’t think I’d appreciate being ‘told off’
by another adult, however they perceived the situation- is this a usual way of going on for him?

starrynight21 · 04/09/2022 06:19

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:51

Apparently it's more rude bcos I've come up to their bed as they don't have a guest room.

Huh ? You said you were at your partner's house , where he lives with his parents ... So why were you going to sleep in his parent's bed ?? I don't get it. If he is your partner, don't you sleep in his bed ?

LividLaVidaLoca · 04/09/2022 06:20

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:41

If you'd gone up at 9pm I might see their point. So few adults would go to bed at 9pm that it would look like you prefer spending the hours before bed alone in your room, rather than socialising with them. By 3am, it's fairly obvious that all you're going up there to do is sleep.

Yeah I’m always in bed by 9.

TransRights416 · 04/09/2022 06:26

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 06:31

is it the drink talking?

MassiveSalad22 · 04/09/2022 06:31

@TransRights416 U OK hun?

wentoschool · 04/09/2022 06:33

That's very rude of him!!! Insanely late

I've been awake all night as my husband snored and I couldn't find ear plugs
I also had so so many nightmares I ended up frightened and awake

When he's up I'm going to bed or I'm going to bed asap

3 am is 4 hours past what I would consider a very late bed time.

Is he nice to you, OP? Sounds controlling what he said..

wentoschool · 04/09/2022 06:35

You should say good night to everyone though just a quick night night

Did you look like you went off in a huff

Suzi888 · 04/09/2022 06:37

I’d have said goodnight to both and slept in my designated bed. Sounds like you went to sleep in your partner’s mum’s bed.

@TransRights416 wtf

BrownTableMat · 04/09/2022 06:38

By midnight I’m falling asleep I where I’m sitting; by 3am i’d be in tears of exhaustion if forced to stay awake. I’d consider it hugely unreasonable to force a guest to stay up beyond when they want to be in bed. YANBU

Monoceros · 04/09/2022 06:44

Going to bed at 3 am is not rude, however not addressing your mother in law to say goodnight is rude. Also, being on your phone in the next room when they were chatting was rude as well.

KatherineJaneway · 04/09/2022 06:48

You were not rude for wanting to go to sleep at 3am but you were rude for not saying goodnight to his DM.

LadyEloise1 · 04/09/2022 07:08

Where are your dp's parents sleeping if you are in their bed ?
3am - I'd be exhausted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2022 07:13

I’d have been in bed a lot earlier. You should have said good night to everyone. But it’s definitely not rude to decide what time to go to bed.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:16

Jeez are these people for real? If someone wants to go to bed they can regardless of the time.

Is ‘D’P controlling generally or is he just scared of mummy? Either way I’d be reassessing.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:17

You should have said good night to everyone

By 3am I wouldn’t be capable of speech. Why are people so obsessed with ‘rudeness’?

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