My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think i'm not being rude to go to bed at 3am

252 replies

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:20

So I'm spending the weekend at my DP's house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it's 'rude to just take yourself off to bed'.

AIBU to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you're all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

3721 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
CandidaAlbicans2 · 04/09/2022 07:18

Apparently it partly matters that I didn't say night to DP's mum...
I do get their point on this. Presumably you had to interrupt the conversation to say goodnight to your DP so I'm not sure how it would've been awkward to also say goodnight to the mum

...but mainly it's that they think it's rude to take yourself off to bed when you're tired. And that they wouldn't do it in my house and would stay up all night if needed.
More fool them if they'd stay up until the last person was standing. You should be able to go to bed when you're tired. But I'm rather confused about the sleeping arrangements and that might make a difference. Can you clarify, were you and DP sharing a room with her mum? I can't figure out the living arrangements from what you've written.

Report
PayPennies · 04/09/2022 07:19

I have so many questions- but why are you sleeping in your mil’s bed?

Report
ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 07:21

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:17

You should have said good night to everyone

By 3am I wouldn’t be capable of speech. Why are people so obsessed with ‘rudeness’?

Me either.

The rude people here are those who think they're entitled to make someone else stay up for hours after a normal bedtime, when that person is tired and wants to sleep!

Report
KatherineJaneway · 04/09/2022 07:21

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:17

You should have said good night to everyone

By 3am I wouldn’t be capable of speech. Why are people so obsessed with ‘rudeness’?

Not obsessed, just good manners to say goodnight to your host when going up to bed.

Report
CrustyCrotch · 04/09/2022 07:26

I can imagine a room full of people, all covered in cobwebs, with long beards, and their eyes propped open with matchsticks, or taped open, all waiting for someone to yawn first.

Report
BadNomad · 04/09/2022 07:28

You were rude. You were sitting, on your phone, not participating in the conversation, got up, didn't say goodnight to your host, then took yourself off to their bed. Was the plan always for you to sleep in their bed? Why were you not sharing with your DP or on the couch? Maybe his mum would have liked to get a change of clothes out of her room before you took over it.

Report
PugInTheHouse · 04/09/2022 07:31

Yanbu going to bed at 3am but really rude to not say goodnight to everyone and also sounds like you weren't making an effort from what you've described.

Report
Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:33

Maybe his mum would have liked to get a change of clothes out of her room before you took over it.

🤣🤣🤣
Maybe she should have done this before 3am 🤷🏻‍♀️

Report
Mariposista · 04/09/2022 07:35

Had you done this at 8pm it would have been rude, but 3am?? Come on! What were they doing anyway at that time?

Report
ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 07:35

PugInTheHouse · 04/09/2022 07:31

Yanbu going to bed at 3am but really rude to not say goodnight to everyone and also sounds like you weren't making an effort from what you've described.

To be fair, by 3am, I'd be too tired to even think straight let alone make effort.
It's also possible the DP and parents weren't making any effort with the OP either. I've been to visit people before only to find they spend all their time talking about people and places they used to know, that I couldn't join in with any of the conversation as it was from before I knew them. That's been quite a common experience for me.

Report
Mariposista · 04/09/2022 07:41

The phone thing is rude though. Put it away.

Report
BadNomad · 04/09/2022 07:41

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:33

Maybe his mum would have liked to get a change of clothes out of her room before you took over it.

🤣🤣🤣
Maybe she should have done this before 3am 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why? It's her house. She probably didn't predict the OP would fuck off without a word to her.

"DPMum, thank you for letting me stay. I'm going to head to bed now."
"No worries, DPGF. Just let me grab my nighty."

Look how simple that is.

Report
Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:44

Why? It's her house. She probably didn't predict the OP would fuck off without a word to her.

She’d invited the OP to stay and use her room to sleep in. I can’t believe this needs pointing out.

What an utterly batshit thought process you are applying. And if you behave the same suggest your poor potential guests book a hotel.

Report
SavingsThreads · 04/09/2022 07:45

PayPennies · 04/09/2022 07:19

I have so many questions- but why are you sleeping in your mil’s bed?

Where are people getting this from?! The OP clearly slept in their partner's bed, they used 'their' as a gender neutral reference.

Report
PersonaNonGarter · 04/09/2022 07:45

Originally I thought YANBU.

But YABU going to their bed!

Report
BabyDreamers · 04/09/2022 07:46

Stating up until 3am is ridiculous. Do they not have things to do in the day?! I stayed with my family recently who are elderly and go to bed between 9-30pm and 10pm every night so that's what time I went to bed 🤣 they did say I could stay up and watch TV but I was worried about waking them going up to bed.

Report
ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 07:46

PersonaNonGarter · 04/09/2022 07:45

Originally I thought YANBU.

But YABU going to their bed!

I'm sure I read upthread that was the plan and where the OP had been expected to sleep

Report
TokyoTen · 04/09/2022 07:47

Had they been drinking so theor perception of the situation is a but skewed? 3am is late, I'd go to bed before then. I would have said goodnight to everyone though.

Report
BabyDreamers · 04/09/2022 07:48

I've read this thread differently I think. Pretty sure op means her partners bed when she said their bed. And she said 'she' so her partners female.

Report
Justwantanicepeacfulholiday · 04/09/2022 07:48

You should have said goodnight to her mum. But it’s crazy for someone to complain about that. Even more crazy to complain someone took themselves to bed at 3am.

can you clarify- were you sleeping in DP’s bed or their mothers?

sou DS like there is more going on here.

Report
BabyDreamers · 04/09/2022 07:49

Oops! Or HIS partner

Report
Thurst · 04/09/2022 07:50

Not at all rude to go to bed but definitely rude to be sitting on your phone then interrupt their conversation to only say goodnight to DP. I remember reading that the English say their ‘goodbyes’ not just goodbye. If you guys are English the correct etiquette is to mention your tired about 10 minutes before then say you are going to go to bed but then not actually go for another 5. This shows you want to leave/go to bed but company is so good you are reluctant.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

SophieIsHereToday · 04/09/2022 07:50

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 04:21

No I didn't reply directly to DP's mum, but she was sitting next to her. And yes the plan was always to stay over in DP's bed.

Why were you still awake at 4.20? Hope you got sleep

Report
MzHz · 04/09/2022 07:50

Honestly, bin them both now. He’s no DP and she’s clearly a total fucking tool.

Report
FaazoHuyzeoSix · 04/09/2022 07:51

Going to bed when you are too tired to function - not rude at all, yanbu.

Playing on your phone instead of joining in the conversation - a tad rude. If the topic was totally uninteresting to you then better to go up sooner and be in your room alone and do phone stuff there.

Going to bed without addressing DP's mum, wishing her good night etc was definitely rude but somewhat excusable at 3am as nost people would have lost the functionality to remember anything beyond inarticulate grunting by that late.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.