Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i'm not being rude to go to bed at 3am

252 replies

Bluemonkey18 · 04/09/2022 03:20

So I'm spending the weekend at my DP's house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it's 'rude to just take yourself off to bed'.

AIBU to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you're all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?

OP posts:
BadNomad · 04/09/2022 07:52

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 07:44

Why? It's her house. She probably didn't predict the OP would fuck off without a word to her.

She’d invited the OP to stay and use her room to sleep in. I can’t believe this needs pointing out.

What an utterly batshit thought process you are applying. And if you behave the same suggest your poor potential guests book a hotel.

Where does it say they invited her? She says she was staying with DP. That doesn't mean the parents invited her. Also she says she was meant to sleep in DP's but she took herself off to their bed. If that's true, then how on earth is that not rude? And would you really not say goodnight to your host?

MzHz · 04/09/2022 07:52

Sorry. She. I had not read your later posts.

BabyDreamers · 04/09/2022 07:52

MzHz · 04/09/2022 07:50

Honestly, bin them both now. He’s no DP and she’s clearly a total fucking tool.

Op said 'she was sat next to her' concerning the partner and mother so partners female.

BabyDreamers · 04/09/2022 07:53

MzHz · 04/09/2022 07:52

Sorry. She. I had not read your later posts.

Sorry I was to quick with my reply

TolkiensFallow · 04/09/2022 07:53

Nobody is being reasonable expecting anyone to go to bed at 3am.

You we’re unreasonable not to say goodnight to the host.

Isthislife · 04/09/2022 07:55

They're very unreasonable for them to be annoyed about you going to bed at 3am. I find it really hard to stay up past midnight and when we have friends over to stay and they stay up really, really late I always go up to bed first, usually crashing around 1am. Sometimes they'll stay up until gone 4am and I definitely can't do that! No one ever minds.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 07:55

so you didnt say goodnight to the mother
that was a bit rude

itsgettingweird · 04/09/2022 07:56

They'd showed you where you were sleeping.

Surely it's rude to expect someone to stay up if they are tired.

Especially after midnight (and I'm someone who goes to bed at 9pm!)

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 04/09/2022 07:56

You should've said good night to everyone but it sounds as though they were drunk and overly tired and ready for an argument.

BrownTableMat · 04/09/2022 07:58

Even if it was a bit rude not to say goodnight I think that’s excusable at 3am, and I certainly don’t think it’s a valid reason for your partner to ‘tell you off’.

noclothesinbed · 04/09/2022 07:58

Omg are they all doing drugs !

Overthisnow98 · 04/09/2022 07:58

Very odd time to be up till. Were they passing around a shaving mirror with powder on it? Even if you were less than perfect with your ‘good nights’ I’d not blame you, I couldn’t string a sentence together at that hour !

TimeAtTheBar · 04/09/2022 07:58

Omg this is peak Mumsnet.

Wild misunderstandings, the new trend of gender neutral posting, the usual suspects piling in to say YABU for the weirdest things.

I have adult children and can imagine this scenario, we’ve had DC partners round for drinks/karaoke etc into the early hours. I wouldn’t even blink if one sloped off to bed without saying anything at that time (or any time).

CookieCoo · 04/09/2022 08:03

Thank goodness you have your own home to go back to today!! 3am is ridiculously late. I’m in bed when I’m tired, don’t care who is visiting.

saraclara · 04/09/2022 08:05

For those saying they're not capable of speech at 3am, if you can say goodnight to your partner you can say "good night everyone"

Other than that though, it's absolutely crazy to expect a person to stay up until everyone else is ready for bed. It was 3am ffs. They're all being ridiculous.

Novum · 04/09/2022 08:10

ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 07:21

Me either.

The rude people here are those who think they're entitled to make someone else stay up for hours after a normal bedtime, when that person is tired and wants to sleep!

Show quote history

Surely if you can manage to say goodnight to one person you can function sufficiently to say goodnight to a couple of others as well?

Sux2buthen · 04/09/2022 08:12

TimeAtTheBar · 04/09/2022 07:58

Omg this is peak Mumsnet.

Wild misunderstandings, the new trend of gender neutral posting, the usual suspects piling in to say YABU for the weirdest things.

I have adult children and can imagine this scenario, we’ve had DC partners round for drinks/karaoke etc into the early hours. I wouldn’t even blink if one sloped off to bed without saying anything at that time (or any time).

It's not a trend of neutral gender posting.
It's just not making an announcement at the start of the thread what your sex/ sexuality is and rightly too since it's irrelevant.

TwilightSkies · 04/09/2022 08:15

This kind of weird family dynamic is a big red flag for me.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 08:15

But the thread is peak mumsnet.

People falling over themselves to find something unreasonable in the OP. Even though clearly the P and their parents are being twats.

if the MIL had posted the reverse no one would have found an ounce of reasonableness.

ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 08:21

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 08:15

But the thread is peak mumsnet.

People falling over themselves to find something unreasonable in the OP. Even though clearly the P and their parents are being twats.

if the MIL had posted the reverse no one would have found an ounce of reasonableness.

This is what I'm thinking too.
It's clearly not unreasonable to want to go to bed at that time.
And the saying goodnight thing seems like just trying to find something to blame the OP for. I don't see any mention of anyone wishing the OP a goodnight either.

mattermore · 04/09/2022 08:22

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:41

If you'd gone up at 9pm I might see their point. So few adults would go to bed at 9pm that it would look like you prefer spending the hours before bed alone in your room, rather than socialising with them. By 3am, it's fairly obvious that all you're going up there to do is sleep.

I am an adult who goes to bed at 9pm! I really do go there to sleep!

BellePeppa · 04/09/2022 08:24

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/09/2022 03:41

If you'd gone up at 9pm I might see their point. So few adults would go to bed at 9pm that it would look like you prefer spending the hours before bed alone in your room, rather than socialising with them. By 3am, it's fairly obvious that all you're going up there to do is sleep.

Personally I don’t agree with this. If you’re tired, go to bed but then I’m not one to expect people to stand on ceremony or be treated like a Queen Bee.

Bestcatmum · 04/09/2022 08:25

I'd be asleep where I sat by then. No way I could pull an all nighter any more.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/09/2022 08:26

I’d have gone to bed at 10. But I’d have wished everyone goodnight as I would still have had the faculty to do so. I somehow suspect this would have gone down even less well with these people, however.

Sswhinesthebest · 04/09/2022 08:26

So not unreasonable but you should have said good night to everyone.