To not know what to do with myself during the day

[Asdson2022]

All 3 of my children now attend full time nursery/school. I'm a sahm unable to get a job. So the obvious answer isn't possible.

The issue is i can't commit to anything and i dont want to spend my days cleaning and being alone :(
Any ideas?

Not sure that OP really wants a solution but I volunteered at my children's schools in the past helping the little ones learn to read or practice reading and that is an activity you can just do for an hour or two a week (and the day can change at short notice) and it feels very rewarding.

She’d definitely not have a social life then. Everyone I know runs away from anyone involved in MLM

DH runs a (nice) charity shop and they are happy to have some volunteers who can't always manage a regular commitment - in fact they have a long term volunteer with a disabled child. If you explained your situation at the start they would just not count you in the minimum numbers they need to open the shop but would still have plenty for you to do when you could get in.

They recognise that for a lot of the volunteers the exchange is their labour in return for grown up company and a reason to get out of the house. DH started as a volunteer for his own mental health and is very committed to making that experience possible for all. So they are very accommodating when people have complicated circumstances that make it difficult to show up as reliably as you would want from paid staff.

If you want a solution, OP, you've got to make change. Choose something posted above and do it.

This stretch of time by yourself is new and you’re probably feeling unmoored. That will pass.

I don’t know how much time you get to yourself, but claiming some of the school time for regular exercise, something social and a hobby is what I would recommend.

Are there things you can do in this time to make your household run more smoothly - like batch cooking, ruthless decluttering ?

I’d also recommend you look at block scheduling to give your days some structure.

Find yourself first - you may find in a few weeks that you are drawn to something that could eventually make money on the side
• blogging
• making and selling something
• selling on eBay
But give yourself time to find your feet.

I'm interested in this, what sort of jobs are available? I'm also a sahm with a disabled child (teen now), though he is at home full-time. I have other children in school. I'd love to contribute to the family financially, but like the OP anything I do has to be very flexible, as DC has good days and bad days (good months and bad months tbh). Where do I look?

Contact your city/county Volunteer group and see if they have anything that would work for you. Mine has all kinds of things.

Look at your town/city What’s On website or local magazine for clubs. I live in a pretty rural area but we have lots of stuff going on. It’s all quite casual so no-one is going to mind if you miss a week. We have Arts and Craft things, general chat meet-ups, film club, book club, dance and exercise, sports, gardening (often in community areas), park volunteers (planting, weeding, tidying, running info booths and stalls, etc), yoga, languages, be-frienders, etc etc.

There’s loads to do if you don’t/can’t work 😊

There are so many things you can do. Online courses now offer so much social Interaction because everybody wether it be work or education has learnt a lot from the pandemic.

And while volunteering does need a commitment in as much as u commit to not sacking it off after a month, they do understand if you can't do a shift at short notice, they also cant say a word about it because you are giving something hugely valuble...your time.

I had 2 volunteer positions at once with a small child after I took voluntary redundancy during pandemic.. I desperately wanted to keep a hand in what I wanted to do, and by doing so he went back to school and it was that experience that got me the job I did. Which involves flexi time ( I can do appointments/ family commitments around core hours- I just have to make up my hours ) and the ability to work from home if I need to.

You could also get involved in your community. Take part in things evenings and weekends which will help build social networks that will keep you going during the day.

Good luck.

@GyozaGuiting
www.charityjob.co.uk/

When you set your filter criteria select remote for work place. All the remote jobs will come up, if you get a remote job then carers credit will replace carers allowance if you work more than 16 hrs.

www.gov.uk/carers-credit

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/financial-support/help-with-benefits/carers-credit

Sorry my post was to @AppleCharlottie

I didn't mention why i can't work as it's not relevant.

It is relevant if you want people to help you. They need to understand a bit about your situation and what’s going on in your life so they can make relevant suggestions.

Volunteering in school has been mentioned a few times but when a child has special needs this is frequently a non starter because of a difficult/ tense relationship with the school and/or the school not wanting parents of children with special needs in the school.

Lucky you, peaceful uninterrupted hours to read, write, study, create right there in your own home.

Study online (or books), learn another language, train online, acquire some interesting worthwhile skills and qualifications and to enrich your brain /family life and expand your employment opportunities.

I havent read the whole thread yet, but you will get slated by a lot of people on here for not going back to work.
I have posted this exact thread before a few years ago and was ripped to shreds!
There are many reasons why I can't just "go back to work" right now, including caring for a elderly family member, having a chronic pain condition myself, a husband who works all different hours and refuses to help with any drop off or pick up, having kids in multiple schools meaning I have to do multiple school runs daily being just a few reasons. But even after these I still spend a good 4+ hours a day alone. And after 5 years of this it becomes very isolating if you let it. A routine is key, I sort the house in he morning then in the afternoon either go out for a walk, shopping, meet a friend, swim etc, or watch a film, do a craft I like, house admin, etc. I know I am very lucky to not have to work but it still doesn't mean you can't have down days or aren't allowed to feel lonely.

You can volunteer as an online or telephone supporter AT HOME to people who are housebound/lonely .

Look up "voluntary organisations" in your area.

Can I suggest that you read the OP's updates.
Maybe you need to "read the room" and gain a little more empathy.

@Asdson2022 there are loads of volunteering organisations that don't need the kind of commitment you are worried about. I used to help out at a coffee morning in a church. I couldn't go every week, nor can all the volunteers. As long as there were enough people it didn't matter who was there.

I hope you find something. It is very isolating being at home on your own all the time. Good luck.

I was a SAHM beyond both of my kids going to school. I saw friends, I ran a church hall mums and tots group, I did an afternoon volunteering at the kids' school each week, I toyed with the idea of studying for something but never did it.

Sending hugs @Asdson2022 I hope some of the meaner posters haven't got you down.

Would it be possible to get a job where you can WFH and let your bosses know there has to be some flexibility RE: hospital appointments and such? Possibly something part time, where you can arrange DS's appointments around your working hours?

@Asdson2022 You say that you are unable to make commitments. There fore I suggest you avoid animals entirely.
A number of suggestions about studying. The problem is what would you study?
Imagining that you would quite like to learn about history or a language will not provide the you with the motivation to keep working at it. We all need reasons for our actions.
If you want to go to Uni later as part of a plan, fine. Perhaps you want to study the history of a specific area because you live there or were brought up there excellent, you become a local expert.

Maybe you want to get to know an area to visit on holiday, history, the local industry and language. Become a real expert.
(confession, not read all of thread)

i did temping when miine were younger
so if you couldnt go it it wasnt the end of your job.
obviously not ideal

I didn't mention why i can't work as it's not relevant.

TBH, I think it is very relevant, and if you had mentioned it in your first post you wouldn't have had some of the horrible replies there are on here.

I have a friend in a very similar situation - SAHM due to severely disabled child (non mobile, non verbal, in wheelchair, tube fed) and she has gone back to work since they have started at school.

She works either late nights or early mornings picking & packing for a supermarket. It means she can still be around for appointments, but she is contributing to the household & doing something for her.

I'd join a gym and spend a good amount of time there each day. I am a sahm and haven't stepped foot in a gym in 3 years. Just started DC1 in nursery. DC2 will be starting in two years and I cannot wait to get 'me' back (providing I don't panic and demand another baby with DH 😅).

I’m in the exact same position sahm for 14 years and counting due to sen DC and I’m really struggling. My own MH has taken a huge hit that I’m not sure if I’ve ever be able to “get a job” even after my sen DC (hopefully) becomes independent. If I could go back in time I would definitely try and stay more social if that means volunteer or gym just something once a week

OP I hope you are still with us.

Please listen, your children have started school, but in fact this can be a period of time where you can support them - especially with SEN it can all the difference to outcomes. I would see it as a godsend that you have the option and time to support them fully.

In the day time I would use the time to choose a future career you feel very passionate about, and study (very) part time to achieve the qualifications you need. You will make new friends on the course, it will give you a career that truly means something to you when the time is right and you can reenter the work force (if you want to) and you have a plan B should your marriage struggles later in life. Ensuring you have financial security for your entire life, even post children is absolutely essential.

When you are not studying:

Book a spa day or massage
Look after your feet, nails, skin and hair with various appointments
Put together photo albums and memory books for your children
Redesign your house and garden
Make new or see old friends for lunch and coffee
Yoga and meditation classes will do wonders for you balance
Rest, so you have plenty of energy for your children when they are at home
Once a month help with the foodbank supermarket collections
Write a book

In a few weeks you will come to love your time at home, that is tidy and calm peace. You will treat yourself to an afternoon in bed reading or watching a film you longed to see, the break from life that many of us are so in need of.

You have been 247 for years and years, it is adjustment that is all. You will get used to it and wonder how you managed lying solo with no respite for so long!