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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do with myself during the day

212 replies

Asdson2022 · 03/09/2022 21:32

All 3 of my children now attend full time nursery/school. I'm a sahm unable to get a job. So the obvious answer isn't possible.

The issue is i can't commit to anything and i dont want to spend my days cleaning and being alone :(
Any ideas?

OP posts:
StormzyinaTCup · 04/09/2022 00:17

Another one saying get an allotment (although I know waiting lists can be long) or join a walking group. Do you have a local WI that you could join?

FlissyPaps · 04/09/2022 00:19

OP, what do you enjoy?

You can’t commit to employment … but you need something to fulfil your days with that isn’t housework.

Start off with thinking about what you would actually like to do. It’s all well and good asking strangers on the internet what we think you should do. But, we don’t know you. We don’t know your interests, desires and hobbies.

If you had no kids, no responsibilities and no budget right now, it’s just you only in this big world - what is it you would like to do? What do you think would make you happy?

OldFan · 04/09/2022 00:20

@Asdson2022 I'm unable to work due to disability but I enjoy my life a lot.

I watch a lot of Youtube, sometimes have coffee or a meal with a friend, and have recently got into the Church.

I have a lot of curiosity which means I'm amused just by watching videos about stuff or whatever.

The gym/exercise is something I do to some extent.

I have a cat, maybe that might amuse you. Smile

It's honestly not as bad as it might sound. 😂

Somanycuddlybears · 04/09/2022 00:20

Hi OP
How about taking a couple of weeks to reflect on what you want to do?

For example (this may sound a bit twee) but I never had time to learn crafting skills. If I had time now I would love to learn to sew, make jewellery or maybe decorate cakes. I’m sure I have a creative crafty side waiting to be released!

My friend, on the other hand, would love to spend time searching physically and online for beautiful things for peoples’ homes. Her Pinterest boards are something to behold.

My DH would love to have a workshop where he could potter and fix stuff.

You have this time available, use it to make yourself happy.

OldFan · 04/09/2022 00:21

@Asdson2022 Oh and sometimes I write stuff- I self-published a few books on Lulu.

JMR185 · 04/09/2022 00:22

What do you enjoy doing? You sound a little low tbh. Some good ideas have been proposed but if you can't commit at the moment see if there are any clubs or classes you could attend when you like. Yoga or pilates or a walking group perhaps.

bridgetreilly · 04/09/2022 00:24

Join an MLM.

Itstrueiagree · 04/09/2022 00:26

Possibly a job working from home a couple of days a week? Or an online course that could help later?

rnnmotherinireland · 04/09/2022 00:30

Ignore any begrudgers here they have absolutely no ability to put themselves on others shoes. I am imagining that you have free time but are also on high alert all the time. Not very relaxing. You are doing so much already I think read through all these ideas and have a go at a couple that sound good, I am a sahm and I enjoyed reading them just for inspiration. I feel busy as I want to be doing all the things all the time but am lacking the energy! But I'm guessing you have been consumed with your child's needs and it's hard to start thinking about yourself. You are doing amazing remember that xx

Canthave2manycats · 04/09/2022 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Trollhunting

Wow... just wow!!

I bet you wouldn't say that to someone's face... think we all know who the "goady fucker" is....

OP, maybe what you need to do is think what you might like to do in the medium to longer term, and prepare yourself for that? For instance, upgrade your skills. What area did you work in before?

Please pay no heed to the nasties. Clearly something not right in their miserable, hating, negative lives!!

OldFan · 04/09/2022 00:40

@Booksandwine80 There are a lot of women in OP's position of not being able to work due to unpredictable commitments to a child with disabilities. It can be difficult. Also OP may have her own health issues.

Join an MLM.

😂And/or a cult.

Seriously tho @Asdson2022 . Catholicism FTW.

OldFan · 04/09/2022 00:44

Aw OP unsubbed. Sad I hope she comes back. I appreciate that others are in different difficult circumstances but her situation as a SAHM is not unusual, and complicated by having a DC with a disability.

GettingOutOfTheWay · 04/09/2022 00:48

Unsubbed? - What does that mean? Left mumsnet?

MintyChipton · 04/09/2022 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Trollhunting

The thread is 'the room' you are the goady fucker who's read it wrong.
If you're so busy why waste time on MN.

Lalliella · 04/09/2022 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Trollhunting

RTFT. Who’s the goady fucker?

AuntTwacky · 04/09/2022 00:57

Unsubbed?

OldFan · 04/09/2022 01:00

I don't know what to call it but I tried to send her a PM and it says her account is invalid/doesn't exist. Sad

I hope she reads back over the thread and finds some useful ideas.

StillMedusa · 04/09/2022 01:01

I recently left work... after 30 years of wiping butts , from my own childrens to adults with severe learning disabilities, while still parenting my own adult son with ASD.
I've had 3 weeks 'unemployed' so far... and needed it. Burned out by the burden of caring for others constantly.
I needed time to take stock... find out what I actually enjoy, what I actually want to do as I still have 15 years work til pension age.
I've started piano lessons (always wanted to learn) I am caring for my baby grandson a couple of days a week... but also I'm hoping to figure out a way to still earn some money, while caring for GS... and what I have realised is it's OK to take time to think it through, and find out what I really WANT to do,
Take time.
I hope you are claiming Carers allowance btw. I have just claimed for the first time, because my caring role will never end!

Eeksteek · 04/09/2022 01:04

Be alone. It’s marvellous to be alone when you have kids hanging off you the rest of the time! Why so you have to ‘do’ anything. I spent my evenings with a child who wouldn’t sleep. So my days were MY evening, and I did all the things other adults did in the evening. Socialised, read, did crafts, watched films, had baths. All the things I wanted to do in peace. I also visited local attractions and went around at my own pace, and actually read things I was interested in. Not theme parks - museums and gardens etc. I also napped, because the child that didn’t sleep in the evening didn’t sleep much at night either. Worked for me.

GyozaGuiting · 04/09/2022 01:08

I employ people flexibly from home, as do lots of people. Get a job.

OldFan · 04/09/2022 01:09

Watching films/series can be good on your own too. I find I can engage with films etc differently when I'm by myself- I go more deeply into it.

Currently planning to watch anything Graham Greene related.

OldFan · 04/09/2022 01:11

I employ people flexibly from home, as do lots of people. Get a job.

@GyozaGuiting I fail to see how this would work when OP isn't sure when she'll be free and this issue of having to be available for her child with disabilities has cost her jobs before for that reason.

GettingOutOfTheWay · 04/09/2022 01:13

@OldFan

I forgot about Graham Green... I loved Brighton Rock and The End of The Affair, need to go back to his work. That man knew how to create characters!

ITalktotheTrees · 04/09/2022 01:16

Another vote for getting a job.

Our economy needs you !

GettingOutOfTheWay · 04/09/2022 01:18

Another vote for people to improve their reading and comprehension skills.

Mumsnet needs you!