To not know what to do with myself during the day

[Asdson2022]

All 3 of my children now attend full time nursery/school. I'm a sahm unable to get a job. So the obvious answer isn't possible.

The issue is i can't commit to anything and i dont want to spend my days cleaning and being alone :(
Any ideas?

Ok so maybe my comment was a bit harsh but I still can’t see in the OP where she states she has a disabled child.

Obviously that changes things but I still believe she is able to work in some capacity.

My dc has an additional need and I work remotely around him. It's an admin job and I work school hours to fit around the dc. I also volunteer for a charity for a few hours on a Friday morning so it is doable.

Surely it is relevant because you can’t make regular commitments like volunteering.
DIY
learn and instrument, language or other new skill
join a gym

Is that you Ashleigh?

I started a hobby that I'd always wanted to do and it took over my life for ten years and even led to work!

Not all volunteering involves regular commitments - send me a message if you want more information

Go to your local rehiring centre and walk the dogs. Such a rewarding thing to do. Some of them never get out of their prison.

@Booksandwine80 no that isn’t how it works 🙄 how can you even compare! Maybe too much wine tonight!

Getting involved with the school’s PTA is a good start.

You could study or take on a part time role you can manage yourself in the time, like cleaning, dog walking etc.

It’s a vulnerable position relying on someone else’s salary. What happens if the partner leaves you, dies, becomes incapacitated.

A lot of churches tun a community cafe in the daytime. It's a good place to meet and chat to people. There is no talking about God or anything just tea and chat. Have you got a dog? If it would be too much of a commitment you could look at borrow my doggy. Firstly it gives you company and secondly more people talk to you when you have a dog. Lastly if you have a very trustworthy dog you could train to become a pat dog pair and visit schools and listen to the kids read.
Are you creative, could you start a small business from home?

Won't all your time be taken up by son ,?

My dad hasn't worked for years he has various medical and MH issues, my mum supports him he doesn't claim anything.

On his good days he will go to the gym or run along the beach, he takes litter picking stuff and clears up areas of the beach which means hes doing something valuble but doesn't matter to anyone else if he doesn't do it, he listens to podcasts whilst doing it. He sits and chats to the homeless people he sees regularly and will share his flask of tea with them. He does odd jobs for his elderly neighbours and a couple of single mums such as cutting the grass, putting up shelves, building flat pack furniture etc.

When I have the long summers off school I make printables to sell on etsy to stave off boredom. I haven't made loads but it's fun and some people do really well out of it.

Gym. Go to hobby classes that are pay as you go for when you can’t come - anything from art to upholstery to sewing - whatever you’re interested in. Meet up with other sahm friends. Go to workshops in your area of interest.

It is weird having time for yourself again after you’ve been used to childcare/housework 24/7 but you’ll find your way. Try different things and see what works best for you.

I'd find hobbies. I love to crochet and knit and there are usually crafting groups that meet up once a week, but you wouldn't have to commit.

Swimming or swimming lessons if you don't know how. Again I attend adhoc lessons based on my availability.

I've recently bought a sewing machine and am learning how to make clothes through a mix of classes dependent on my availability and learning from online tutorials.

It isn’t up to you to decide whether op can or can’t or wants a job. She has stated that she can’t and has become a sahm. And that’s fine. She has kids and is busy anyway but also has a child who may need her at the drop of a hat

Ok, so OP is clearly someone feeling lonely and lost and you thought kicking her when she was down was a good idea? She has real barriers to building a life for herself, as well as possibly a loss of confidence.

You are also ignorant as fuck about a lot of volunteering. Many organizations use volunteers to run their core services. It causes them real difficulties if volunteers cannot commit to fixed times and days, just as a business could not work if staff regularly didn’t turn up.

OP may find ‘drop in’ volunteering, but many organizations need volunteers who can make and keep a regular commitment, because they provide a key service and are not just ‘extra hands’.

Ring a local nursing home and volunteer to visit, my neighbour does this and has formed some lovely lovely friendships.

OP is asking for advice doesn't matter if we are strangers there are literally 100's of other people doing everyday! There is no need to be so heartless!

My ds has a disability that caused me to lose my job due to the fact i wasn't working even half my shifts due to hospital appointments/admissions and school refusal/needing to be picked up early. So since dh is the highest earner i become a sahm

In OP's second post. And unless you have parented a disabled child you really don;t understand quite how hard it is to hold down a steady job when you are called away at any moment for a number of reasons that could result in dashes to hospital, long stays in hospital, endless consultations, physio appointments etc etc, as well as the massive struggle to get the everyday stuff done. It used to take me two hours to get enough food into DS to keep him alive and then another 2 hours to wipe his puke off the ceiling when he splatter vomited it. That wasn;t everyday. But it was enough days to stop me from working for years, as well as making me incredibly lonely as most naice mums don't want to mix with pukey disabled kids and their exhaisted parents. So I sympathise hugely with OP.

"I’ve never been more bored that when I used to work - and I’ve done a lot of different jobs from beauty consultant to senior marketing manager, hated every single job."

Yes, but part time might be a bit less boring as you're not there as long.

Perhaps volunteering at a charity where you can pick up work skills and they will be flexible. Most charities are very understanding as employers too.

Finding something where you feel valued will help immensely

So you can spend hours doing any activity you like and you think sitting at a computer doing a boring job would be preferable?

Gym
Reading
Meet friends in a cafe or go by yourself and read
Open University
Yoga
Running
Walking at country park with flask of tea
Meditation
Paint
Go to the cinema
Birdwatching
Look out of the window - more interesting than most jobs
Rest so that you’re not exhausted like most people on here

I'm disabled and used to be in same position before I had my child. Organisations such as meetups, WI, dinner clubs and Spice tend to arrange events at weekends or evenings. Ramblers clubs ( too active for me) run things on week days. Also WEA and U3A.
These tend to attract retired people but they can be a jolly bunch.
There are loads of solitary/online options. It sounds as if she is, like I was, looking for activities that get her out of the house, meeting people but where she won't let people down if she can't turn up.
I used to do swim Mondays, book club Tuesdays, yoga Wednesday's etc. Grocery shop in store rather than online so I see people.
I found I had to choose fitness classes where I could PAYG rather than block book ten but miss four because I was housebound/bed bound that day. Its a question of shopping around.

There’s some wonderfully sweet people on MN… not! Ignore their white noise and listen to the decent ones.