Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do with myself during the day

212 replies

Asdson2022 · 03/09/2022 21:32

All 3 of my children now attend full time nursery/school. I'm a sahm unable to get a job. So the obvious answer isn't possible.

The issue is i can't commit to anything and i dont want to spend my days cleaning and being alone :(
Any ideas?

OP posts:
OldFan · 04/09/2022 01:23

@GettingOutOfTheWay So far I've only watched the 1999 The End of the Affair. I don't read much so it's my way of trying to read his books. Grin I've heard that The Power and the Glory is his best book maybe. Maurice in The End of the Affair is pretty evil yet I can totally relate to his personality. Grin

blueshoes · 04/09/2022 01:47

Netflix?

RedeeeOrNot · 04/09/2022 02:00

I understand. The demands of caring for a disabled child means that any commitment is precarious. I volunteered for a while.

Think about what you enjoy and what will support your mental health. Things that have worked for me in the past are joining a walking group, knitting, painting and gardening. None of which I would have ever entertained if I could work full time.

Exercise your body and mind. Good luck

RedeeeOrNot · 04/09/2022 02:04

@OldFan cats are always the answer!

OldFan · 04/09/2022 02:13

@Asdson2022 Ooh another thing I did is learned fitness. I took fitness qualifications because I wanted to know the science etc and then I was trying to find my niche in it. I was never a fanatic though. But I'm sure doing it did help my body and mind (though it can cost quite a bit.)

You might even be able to find some hours teaching fitness in the evening or something if you have the confidence. Pilates was pretty pointless but fun to qualify in, and I think there might be a dearth of instructors of that. The market for personal trainers must be pretty saturated as a lot of people do the qualification.

Norwegiancopice · 04/09/2022 03:06

I didn't notice any whining just asking for ideas. What a nasty remark.

Churroschurros · 04/09/2022 04:15

Hi OP. Hope you can manage to ignore the mean posts. If you have a child with high needs then it’s particularly important to look after yourself. I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself but find things to do that benefit you and your body. Walking, swimming, other types of exercise. Meeting with friends if any are free. Just take little steps and you will get in to the groove of it.
Obviously you have come on here to ask opinions but also take it with a pinch of salt. Some people commenting find it difficult to put themselves in other people’s shoes and lack compassion for others. 💐 I hope you’re ok.

expat101 · 04/09/2022 04:20

Near where I live, there is a community garden and anyone is welcome to pop in to pull some weeds or tidy up. Quite often only the woman who runs it is there, and is always up for a chat.

You don't have to commit to a time or day, just turn up. Is there something in your area similar?

Notajogger · 04/09/2022 04:23

There are litter picking organisations who you could volunteer with, obviously you do your own "patch" so can do it whenever you want and it gets you out and about. And is strangely satisfying!
The Cinnamon Trust? Would be flexible.
Plenty of voluntary roles which you could do as and when you want and/or from home, contact your local volunteer centre and explain what you need.

Justdiscovered · 04/09/2022 05:27

I think you are better to start again and post on a SEN /disability board where other people will understand your situation better.
I think I understand what you’re saying. Because of issues you have to face with your child it’s hard to commit to something in a regular basis and be reliable.
there will be many others in similar situations who can give you advice on how to cope and get around that.
good luck

Underhisi · 04/09/2022 05:44

"Are you for real or just a goady fucker? Man I wish I had a few more hours in the day to “fill” 🙄
Read the room."

I bet you wish you had a disabled child too.

Underhisi · 04/09/2022 05:50

Although having read the rest of your posts it is clear who the goady fucker is.

LokiCokey · 04/09/2022 06:08

I know work isn't the only answer but there are jobs out there with flexibility. One of my friends does a data analysis job from home, she has no set hours just needs to get her allocated tasks done in the week. It takes her about 15 hours in total.

Mybumlooksbig · 04/09/2022 06:09

Join the PTA- that will eat up any free time you did have 😆

Reagol · 04/09/2022 06:14

I have a lot of free time as I don't have kids, and I only work three days a week. My days fly by doing these:

Cook a lot
Go to the gym
Read books
Meet friends
Volunteer (from home, when it suits)
Run a small Etsy shop
DIY

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 04/09/2022 06:46

Hi OP, please do not listen to the negative posters. I’ve just given up my career as a nurse because of DC with SEND. I couldn’t keep juggling it all. As DC has grown older it’s definitely got harder. The school is useless, had a great supportive nursery however mainstream primary school has just been awful. Dc is currently being assessed for CVS (Cyclical vomiting syndrome) also has ASD, sensory processing issues, ARFID and absence seizure epilepsy. We have many appointments (hospital and school) and I’m consistently at the school having to collect Dc because of vomiting, then I have to keep DC off for 48hrs even though its not contagious! And they know DC is being assessed for CVS. Then I have paperwork to fill in, phone calls, sleep clinic to attend for Dc, house work, DH and my other DC to spend time with. It’s never ending.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy some free time while you can, because some days you will only get a hour or less. I am staying on as NHS P but only because I can pick and choose shifts once I’ve got a routine sorted which can also work around DH rota.

FrenchFancie · 04/09/2022 06:50

In terms of ad hoc volunteering there’s an app where you can ‘be the eyes’ of a blind person or visually impaired person - essentially the app ‘dings’ you to let you know someone is requesting help, if you are free you can pick it up and do whatever the task is (my friend who uses it has read washing instructions, cooking instructions or a short story). If you’re not free you just decline the call or stay unavailable on the app.

please be very wary of any MLM or ‘small business’ ideas - a few years ago I was in a similar position to OP but for different reasons, and nearly fell into the MLM trap - it’s so easy to think it will give you a flexible income but in fact they just scam you out of your cash.

Hesma · 04/09/2022 06:56

Can you volunteer to go into your children’s school and listen to little ones read? I’d be reading, baking, going to gym, online course

Hyacinth2 · 04/09/2022 07:08

Oh just ignore the angry people. There’s a lot of them around at the moment

Yes - soooo angry - all police are rapists, all nurses are self serving skivers, all doctors make mis diagnoses, it's too early in the term for teachers to get flak and we don't have a government til next week but I'm sure the vitriole will fly.....

ScarlettnotOHara · 04/09/2022 07:08

Volunteered in the hospitals which lead to a job, best thing I ever did!! You need a purpose and I love earning my own money 😊

Cyclingmum212 · 04/09/2022 07:17

Wow! A lot of replies to this thread which I haven't read but joining the school PTA sounds like a great idea. In my experience they need parents who have some time to give. You can do it all with the children if need be. Mine loved seeing me in school and being the first to know what was happening. Also you can ensure that everything they do caters for your son's disability which will be amazing for him and other kids.

Imissmoominmama · 04/09/2022 07:18

I’m an NHS volunteer responder- started during lockdown. The app pings and you can choose whether to take the call. Most people do it around work, so don’t feel in the slightest bit guilty if you can’t take a call. You pick up shopping or medication for people, or are just at the end of the phone for them.

ScarlettnotOHara · 04/09/2022 07:18

Hi there’s always demand for befriending services! So many people are extremely lonely and just having a chat over the phone with someone makes a huge difference. It will boost your self esteem too as you will be helping someone else . Google telephone befriending services . You sound a bit depressed in your posts !! Good luck, you can turn your life around 😊

DinosApple · 04/09/2022 07:20

You could volunteer to help out at school on an ad hoc basis.

They'd probably bite your hand off for whatever you could do - plus if your DS is at home, they'd know you couldn't come in.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/09/2022 07:24

Are there any mums at the school you feel you've got to know who might be about for a coffee and chat in the week?

I used to write novels and I enjoy pottering in the garden when I have time at home. If you have space you could do some kind of craft that could make money on the side. It would probably be good to have a walk each day too, they can be mood boosting.