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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband being big billy balls bollocks

284 replies

Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:38

I think i will get crucified here…but here we go.

Hubby and i always been relatively high earners and happen to earn the same. We have a 6 month old son and i will be returning to work shortly.

Husband has recently been offered a new job, double salary, and has started saying this means he wont be able to partake in the nursery pick up/drop offs that will be required. I get that its a new job and he has to prove himself, but am i being unreasonable stating that my career has value too?

Im at a loss as what to say, bearing in mind my work means i leave home at 8 and back by 6:15. Whilst he works from home yet too busy to do the nursery run…

OP posts:
RootinandTootin · 02/09/2022 23:39

It’s billy big bollocks

Pigeon05 · 02/09/2022 23:40

Yanbu. It shouldn't fall on you.

But if he can't do it and you can't pick up the slack, and money isn't an issue, why not hire a nanny for pick up, drop off, or other childcare?

It sounds like you're both busy people that have the means to take the pressure off.

Best of luck.

user1473878824 · 02/09/2022 23:40

Everyone I know who both have high earning jobs hires someone. It is what it is.

CalishataFolkart · 02/09/2022 23:42

RootinandTootin · 02/09/2022 23:39

It’s billy big bollocks

Holy fucksticks, THAT is the bit you choose to comment on?! Incredible work, well done.

hennybeans · 02/09/2022 23:42

Get a nanny with all the extra money instead of nursery.
That doesn't help your DH's attitude. Only you know really if it is genuinely that he'd struggle to do pick ups, or if he just doesn't think it's his responsibility. If it's the latter, you'll have bigger problems down the road.

Cactuslockdown · 02/09/2022 23:44

Well if he can’t do his share can he pay for someone to do it with the all the extra money from his big job?! Sorry OP that’s rubbish, and unhelpful extra stress with your return to work!

declutteringmymind · 02/09/2022 23:44

Big billy can pay the housekeeper for his share of the chores. That's what my big billy does.

RJnomore1 · 02/09/2022 23:45

Well if he can’t meet his childcare commitments he obviously can’t take the job can he.

Fuck. That. Billy big baws indeed.,

AdamRyan · 02/09/2022 23:45

YANBU
it's a joint decision. He can't unilaterally put all the pressure on you. Very unfair and dismissive of your career.
Agree, if he won't do pick ups/drop offs then consider a nanny. Or consider a divorce and 50/50 care or child support ;)

flippetyflaps · 02/09/2022 23:46

user1473878824 · 02/09/2022 23:40

Everyone I know who both have high earning jobs hires someone. It is what it is.

This is what we do. I earn a multiple of DHs earnings and he earns well too. We have a nanny and he does less travel in his job - we both pitch in with the kids and I do what I can when I can but if school phone and say kid needs collecting then more often than not it's DH that does it as I'm usually in meetings/london/overseas. Plus we could live without his salary, so my job takes priority if necessary (ie if all else fails eg nanny off sick and kids get sick)

Original poster
Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:46

RootinandTootin · 02/09/2022 23:39

It’s billy big bollocks

Fair enough, maybe it’s colloquial

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 02/09/2022 23:47

No problem, you hire nanny instead to come to the house from 07 30 am
You already high esrners
And he going to earn evern more
So use the joint money for day nanny instead of nursery
.

Original poster
Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:48

Appreciate everyones replies. I hadn’t actually considered outside help, so maybe this is what i need to look into

OP posts:
Hotandbothereds · 02/09/2022 23:48

He pays for childcare out of his extra wages then, and it falls on neither of you - surely this is the logical plan.

Mumspair1 · 02/09/2022 23:48

Why can't you both hire a nanny or someone to do the school runs?

Original poster
Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:49

cestlavielife · 02/09/2022 23:47

No problem, you hire nanny instead to come to the house from 07 30 am
You already high esrners
And he going to earn evern more
So use the joint money for day nanny instead of nursery
.

I think he would benefit more from a nursery setting rather than a nanny

OP posts:
Original poster
Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:50

Youre all pointing out the obvious now! 😂 i dont know why it hadnt crossed my mind….i guess im new to this so appreciate your input!

OP posts:
flippetyflaps · 02/09/2022 23:50

We did a combo of nursery and nanny when they were preschoolers so they got the social interaction but we had help/backup

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 02/09/2022 23:50

Who has this prince suggested will be doing it then?
Personally I find this attitude repulsive, I've seen it far to often in men, its arrogance, entitlement and sexism all rolled up into one very unattractive package. Don't let him get away with it. Your career is just as valuable as his, and if cannot manage his family commitments then he needs to find the solution (not you).

margegunderson · 02/09/2022 23:51

Nanny share is your friend here - other children to mix with, etc. But is your husband being a knob or will he genuinely have no time? That's the question.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 02/09/2022 23:51

It's not your problem to solve who is going to cover his 50% of dropoffs/pickups. It is his problem to solve. He doesn't get to dictate to you because he's earning more that's just fucking sexist as fuck.

NoSquirrels · 02/09/2022 23:52

Walkingtothecrucifix · 02/09/2022 23:48

Appreciate everyones replies. I hadn’t actually considered outside help, so maybe this is what i need to look into

Maybe this is what we need to look into.

Fixed that for you. It’s not just your job to sort childcare, is it?

(plus, most under 2s don’t need nursery, if you can afford a nanny that would be such pressure off you both)

SD1978 · 02/09/2022 23:54

Is he physically incapable of doing the drop offs as has to be at/ started work at that time, or juts saying no because he wants to? That would be the difference for me. I also wouldn't say anything if it's the second option, and leave at the time you need to on your first day back with a breezy 'son needs to be at nursery in an hour, I'll pick him up tonight, bye dear' and feck off.......

GrazingSheep · 02/09/2022 23:54

I think he would benefit more from a nursery setting rather than a nanny

He is 6 months old. Do you not think
s primary cared in his own home would be more beneficial?

RJnomore1 · 02/09/2022 23:56

Bsvk right up! If you’ve covered what YOU agreed to do, any changes are what HE needs to like into. Not you, not we - HIM

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