Husband being big billy balls bollocks

[Walkingtothecrucifix]

I think i will get crucified here…but here we go.

Hubby and i always been relatively high earners and happen to earn the same. We have a 6 month old son and i will be returning to work shortly.

Husband has recently been offered a new job, double salary, and has started saying this means he wont be able to partake in the nursery pick up/drop offs that will be required. I get that its a new job and he has to prove himself, but am i being unreasonable stating that my career has value too?

Im at a loss as what to say, bearing in mind my work means i leave home at 8 and back by 6:15. Whilst he works from home yet too busy to do the nursery run…

I’m guessing because it is more convenient, especially when there are multiple children. They’re in their home so no need to take them to and from nursery.

I wanted my eldest in a nursery rather than a childminder. Felt safer when it was in a setting and there were other adults around.

A nanny or a nanny share would be a better idea at least until he's 2.5ish and starting to become a social butterfly.

But the blithe way your H just assumes the baby is your problem to solve is gobsmacking.

Sit him down to talk about this. You are both parents now, and decisions on new jobs, hours worked, travel, etc, have to be made jointly and with the expectation that you will share equally in the hands on work of parenting and any mental work, planning, etc, that goes into it too.

@Walkingtothecrucifix
His outrageous idea that his friend's wife would do it three weeks past CS and his continuing to argue the point show that his pov isn't stress related.

He's a man who genuinely discounts women completely and thinks of us as beasts of burden while men are the important ones whose work is too crucial to interrupt with trifles like the care of their own children.

Quite- after that suggestion wouldn’t you walk around saying things like ‘we really should fix the roof, but you can do it. I’ll save that for the week after you’ve had heart surgery, it can’t be harder than looking after your own month old baby and a toddler after having a C-section and having someone dump another child on you just because you’re a woman, after all. Repeat, with absolutely everything. You do that Dh, here’s a 50kg bag can you carry it for me, it can’t be harder than…
Was he a complete tosser after you gave birth and you’ve blanked it out?

Is it normal for him when stressed to dump domestic tasks on you or some other woman who is post surgery?

You need to have the discussion now as to what he is going to start the search for a nanny and who is going to take a day off when the nanny has emergency or sick leave.

IME men who prechildren are all for equal parenting and then assume a default woman tend to continue this pattern and all too often succeed in persuading their wives to put their own career second by being strategically "useless" and just wearing them down. Twenty years down the line this leaves you in very unequal positions.

You imply he's not interested in who looks after his child, which is a pretty insulting thing to assume. I guess the truth is he knows OP will find a reasonable option, hence he's comfortable ignoring the problem and leaving it for her to solve.

But why should she when he caused the problem? It's entirely reasonable to expect OP's DH to come up with a solution that they're both happy with. It's known as 'adulting', and I would expect anyone with a big-billy-balls job to be able to 'adult' effectively.

Tell him you agreed to both parent your children, if he'd like to abdicate his role he can find a solution. Your job is still worthy

Tonight we’ve had a chat. He’s currently got a couple of baby weaning books and is writing out a meal plan for the week. I hope this show of understanding continues x

That sounds really positive
Personally I would have been happy to do every drop off and pick up if I could forgo all the weaning and meal prep! Might be an option as he can do all that at weekends and evenings so it's ready to go when needed.
Perhaps he can also manage the shopping and cooking for the two of you as well as part of his share of the domestic tasks.
I assume you will have a cleaner to do cleaning and laundry?