DP asking the same question every day. AIBU to ignore him?

[BabyBear101]

I've posted on here before about part one of this issue so some people might recognise it.

Basically, DP used to give me a hard time whenever I got home late from work. I finish at 4pm and live about 15 minutes from work. He used to get the hump and quiz me whenever I was home later than 4.20pm. He has the sort of job when he can down tools bang on finishing time and if a job isn't done then it's "someone else's problem". My job isn't like that. If I don't finish a task then it's still waiting for me the next morning. Plus I like to have a gossip with my colleagues sometimes after work 🤷‍♀️ anyway after months of this, I explained all this to him and he reluctantly agreed to cut it out.

A few months on though I noticed he would text me near the end of my working day saying "are you going to be home sharp today?" I didn't think much of it at the time but then he started sending it earlier and earlier until one day he sent it at 10am! I snapped. He huffed. Stopped for 2 weeks. Now doing it again.

I'm now ignoring him when he texts. I can tell it's annoying him because he sent the same message "will you be home sharp today?" twice in the space of an hour.

AIBU? I'm a grown woman and can plan my work day however I please.

Jesus how bloody irritating! Is there even any reason it matters if you’re home bang on time? Is he usually a bit controlling, what’s he like if you go out with friends?

This is extremely controlling behaviour. What's he like about other areas of your life?

Is he controlling in other areas of your lives?

It’s a little bit possessive. Is there any other behaviour that flags a little?

I’m so confused. Do you have young children? Why does it matter if you’re home a bit late? Presumably even if you stayed on half an hour or so extra, you’d still be home by 5 which isn’t remotely late to have dinner. ot does he feel that he ends up having to do the cooking when you’re home later? This post makes him sound very controlling unless I’m missing something. Does he have any mental health issues or similar that makes it important for him to know exactly what’s happening and when?? I couldn’t stand this though tbh.

What on earth? There must be more to this?

This is controlling behaviour OP. Is he controlling in other ways? It's not OK to police your behaviour like this.

A little bit! That would drive me absolutely fucking crazy.

He sounds very controlling. Like you aren't allowed to be out of the house a second longer than necessary for work.

I would tell him again to pack it in and that you'll be home by around 5ish.

I'd be childish and go have a coffee after work every day he asked me because fuck him.

Sounds very controlling and paranoid. Is he like this in other areas? Is there any massive backstory missing? (eg you had an affair with a colleague)

FML - how needy and pathetic is he…?!

Surely your vagina has clamped shut, as a result of this incredibly off-putting behaviour…?

"why does it matter what time I get home?" is the correct response.
Lobbing a loaf of bread at his head is the fantasy response

We don't have children so no reason for me to be home bang on 4.15pm.

Because his job is leave bang on x time, he doesn't understand why I don't.

Is there a very good reason you have to be home at 4.30 sharp ?

I'll message you when I'm 5 mins away. Ad infinitum.....
Maybe you can set up a standard message everytime you receive a message with sharp in it....
It would drive me nuts.

If you have a night out with your friends does he do the same, or do you NOT have nights out to avoid this level of questioning.

So, wait, this is ‘D’P and you don’t have kids?

For heaven’s sake. LTB.

If you honestly think this is as good as it gets, man-wise, you are sorely mistaken.

But surely once you have explained to him that lots of jobs-such as yours-aren’t like that, he will understand.

Does he have difficulty understanding any other simple things?

“Are you going to be home sharp today, @BabyBear101?”

”Do you want me to be blunt, dh?”

That sounds incredibly controlling. Is he like this in other areas of your life?

They’re not even married.

I mean, seriously….

This is weird. What if you wanted to go for a coffee or a walk after work? Meet a friend? Even just do something dull like go round the supermarket? Why do you have to go straight home every single day? It's just horrible that he is checking up on you.

Yanbu this drives me mad. I have now started giving a later time than I am likely to be so as to avoid this bloody nonsense. I am then sometimes 'early.

FFS, why would you let a boyfriend or any man dictate and control you like this?

What was the advice on the other thread? (Bet it was LTB, and you haven't?)