DP asking the same question every day. AIBU to ignore him?

[BabyBear101]

I've posted on here before about part one of this issue so some people might recognise it.

Basically, DP used to give me a hard time whenever I got home late from work. I finish at 4pm and live about 15 minutes from work. He used to get the hump and quiz me whenever I was home later than 4.20pm. He has the sort of job when he can down tools bang on finishing time and if a job isn't done then it's "someone else's problem". My job isn't like that. If I don't finish a task then it's still waiting for me the next morning. Plus I like to have a gossip with my colleagues sometimes after work 🤷‍♀️ anyway after months of this, I explained all this to him and he reluctantly agreed to cut it out.

A few months on though I noticed he would text me near the end of my working day saying "are you going to be home sharp today?" I didn't think much of it at the time but then he started sending it earlier and earlier until one day he sent it at 10am! I snapped. He huffed. Stopped for 2 weeks. Now doing it again.

I'm now ignoring him when he texts. I can tell it's annoying him because he sent the same message "will you be home sharp today?" twice in the space of an hour.

AIBU? I'm a grown woman and can plan my work day however I please.

In what world does working your hours make you workshy?

Didn't say that @BadNomad

I said that given he's been asked to do 1-2 hours overtime occasionally and turned it down, prefering to leave on the dot, that suggests he is workshy.

Most people would step up if only to help their colleagues and the company out when needed.

That is subtly different from saying (as you have) that only working your ours=workshy.

"I wouldn't be suprised if he's made redundant one day with his attitude. Refusing to do more hours when asked? I bet his bosses LOVE him!"

Oh fuck off. It's fine to work one's contracted hours. He's a shift worker in a warehouse not the CEO.

"Most people would step up if only to help their colleagues and the company out when needed."

Most people? Or most people on MN who generally have career jobs rather than dead-end ones?

See, I would think less of him for that.

No, you don't owe employers extra time but I've never been able to work to the clock.

If things need doing or I can help then I will be there

The op was actually about whether her dp was needy or controlling or both.
I think he's both.
I wonder if he has no friends or other interests.

Although working till 4 pm wouldn't be classed as long hrs.

Working just your hours and not working overtime is the same thing. Neither is workshy. They guy works in a warehouse. It's not a family business. The company doesn't care. The place isn't going to fall apart if he doesn't do an extra 2 hours. His colleagues aren't going to crumble under the pressure. No one will die.

Working just your hours and not working overtime is the same thing. Neither is workshy. They guy works in a warehouse. It's not a family business. The company doesn't care. The place isn't going to fall apart if he doesn't do an extra 2 hours. His colleagues aren't going to crumble under the pressure. No one will die.

So you know where this guy works @BadNomad ?

-You know it's not a family business.
-You know the company doesn't care.
-You know it's not going to fall apart if he doesn't step up with an hour ot two extra.
-His colleagues aren't going to crumble under pressure.

Just how do you know all of this?

Truth is, you've made it all up.

Yes, working your hours and not working overtime are the same thing. Correct!

You wanted to argue that not working some occasional overtime when asked was not being workshy.

It certainly is in most people's worlds. Maybe bit yours but then maybe you have the same attitude to work as he does.

No one is asked to work a bit extra if it's not necessary. Most people will help their colleagues out.

Look, nobody is going to get a medal for always working late and putting in extra hours.

But, this guy flat out refuses to EVER do it - AND he expects his partner to down tools on the dot every single day, to.

Can people really not see that this is ridiculously rigid and over the top?

I would either tell him to f off or say each time you ask I will add a random number of minutes between 30 and 60 to my leaving time.

Would you say that about mothers who need to get home to collect their children? Are they workshy too for not helping out their colleagues? Because I've worked with plenty of women who don't do extra hours or shifts and who have never covered a Christmas shift or any public holiday. Or are you going to say its ok for women to do that but it's not ok for men?

So you never just pop into the shops on the way home? Sometimes I can leave work and decide to nip into the supermarket or Home Bargains and end up wandering around! I don't even plan to do that when I leave work, I just get it in my head on the way. I never know exactly what time I will walk through the door!

Well, it’s quite obvious that most people in career jobs will be more likely to step up to help / get the work done - that will, in large part, be why they’re in a career job, rather than a dead-end job.

But I’m sure there are also some people in so-called dead-end job who would also step up, if it were to help colleagues out.

There is nothing wrong with the OP’s feckless DP never wanting to do that, per se. There is plenty wrong with him expecting her never to do it.

Why are we going off on tangents about people working their hours?

It’s completely irrelevant whether the DP works his hours and doesn’t do overtime. The point is he tries to stop the OP doing well at work.

If he wants to clock off on the second that’s up to him but he has no right to insist the OP do the same. Particularly because he has no concept that people in management can’t always just down tools as soon as their shift ends.

Hes a loser and he wants the OP to be one too.

Well this sounds excellent. I think you should definitely marry him! Even better you must have at least two children together - he sounds like the perfect person to tie yourself and your children to for the next 18 years at least. We definitely won't see you on the Relationship board in the near future wondering how to motivate him to be a better role model to your children. No. Definitely won't.

What does that say about the op?
12 yrs and counting is she a loser too. Her judgement seems to be a tad off.

Well, she does strike me as about as needy as him, to be honest - her frustration with him flies off the page with every post - and yet she clearly has no intention of ditching him.

"- that will, in large part, be why they’re in a career job, rather than a dead-end job."

It works the other way around in my opinion.

"There is nothing wrong with the OP’s feckless DP never wanting to do that, per se. There is plenty wrong with him expecting her never to do it."

We can agree on that. He shouldn't be harassing her about where she is every minute of the day. Unacceptable.

I think most people will know or come across people who don’t want promotions or higher paid jobs and will leave dead on their contracted hours over the course of their lives
Absolutely nothing wrong in this. I have known many people who did this because they had other jobs or businesses they were growing on the side. Or they had hobbies or interests that they preferred doing and didn’t want to impact the time spent doing these things.
Even if it was just tending their allotment over the winter and chatting to the other allotment owners. They all had something else in their lives other than work and then home.

To clock off work at exactly the contracted hours and go straight home and not have anything else going on in their lives is when it looks strange.
Expecting their partners to do the same when they don’t have the same job and don’t want to is when it gets abusive.