DP asking the same question every day. AIBU to ignore him?

[BabyBear101]

I've posted on here before about part one of this issue so some people might recognise it.

Basically, DP used to give me a hard time whenever I got home late from work. I finish at 4pm and live about 15 minutes from work. He used to get the hump and quiz me whenever I was home later than 4.20pm. He has the sort of job when he can down tools bang on finishing time and if a job isn't done then it's "someone else's problem". My job isn't like that. If I don't finish a task then it's still waiting for me the next morning. Plus I like to have a gossip with my colleagues sometimes after work 🤷‍♀️ anyway after months of this, I explained all this to him and he reluctantly agreed to cut it out.

A few months on though I noticed he would text me near the end of my working day saying "are you going to be home sharp today?" I didn't think much of it at the time but then he started sending it earlier and earlier until one day he sent it at 10am! I snapped. He huffed. Stopped for 2 weeks. Now doing it again.

I'm now ignoring him when he texts. I can tell it's annoying him because he sent the same message "will you be home sharp today?" twice in the space of an hour.

AIBU? I'm a grown woman and can plan my work day however I please.

I wouldn't put up with this for a day or so. It's seriously controlling and I notice you haven't replied to those asking if he's like this over nights out or time with friends. I recommend you ditch this guy. He's possessive and unreasonable.

This is totally weird and controlling behaviour. I could understand if you were really late and hadn't said anything (he might be legitimately worried) but not every day and not for just a few mins late! Why are you with this man?

So …. What are you going to do about it?

Nothing is going to change.

It goes without saying that this is miles away from normal behaviour. I don't have to ask my DH permission to work late, or leave early (flexitime), or stop off and go for a coffee on my way home etc.

This won't get any better.

God just seem you don't even have kids. Now he seems controlling rather than just annoying. I think you need to be very vague. E.g. I don't know what time I will get home. Let me know if there is a specific reason you need to know otherwise I will be home sometime between 4 and 7.

Massive alarm bells. So you aren’t free to come home when you want?

just ignore it sounds like a great plan. I mean you’ve explained and that hasn’t hit home, so just carry on.

What are you going to do about it?

Because you don't choose to. I'd tell him you also don't choose to reply to his messages.

I cannot believe all these people saying, ‘just ignore it….’, ‘just say …..’

No. Leave him.

They’re not married. They don’t have children.

She’s asked him not to do this, and nothing is changing. Nothing will.

She should dump his pathetic, needy arse and move on.

@FayeGovan I mean, this is pretty much exactly what I'd do I just chuckled at your post.
Agree with pp, it's a tad intense and unnecessary. I'd be concerned for what you'd be 'allowed' to do if you do have children or even get married.

It’s got nothing to do with the kind of job he has, OP. It has everything to do with him being controlling. He’s dressing it up as concern - “Why should you have to be doing this? Why are they making you go on a training course? This isn’t fair on you, they’re treating you badly…” - but it’s not concern for you. He’s trying to alienate you from your job and your colleagues because he’s a possessive, controlling dickhead. My ex did exactly the same thing to me and I would strongly advise you get out of this relationship. You’ve already told him to stop, and he hasn’t stopped; he’s just doing the same thing in a different way. It’s a huge red flag.

I think I would reply " I will be home when you see me and the more you ask the later I will be"

are you going to be home sharp today?

No but my tongue will be sharp if you don't give me some space.

Run far and fast. This is just the beginning.

Is he controlling because lateness or not knowing distresses him, or is he just a dick?

God no, I wouldn’t be putting up with any of that bollocks 🚩🚩🚩 Run for the hills … and text him that you’re not coming back.

Never have children with this man. He has control issues. It will become massively worse should you have kids with him.

Text back no and ignore the rest. I'd have told him to fuck off by now.

'Back the fuck off because if you keep asking me this then I might not come back at all. You'll see me when you see me'.

If his partner being 3 mens later than he expected is 'distressing' to him, he needs to grow and seek help from his GP. He's an adult man - it would be his problem to fix.

Women are not rehab centres for damaged men who need fixing.

Every time he does this just say or text "You are doing it again." And never, ever answer him, because that only feeds the problem.

Get away from him, that is creepy and deranged. Is there anyway to tattoo a red flag on his forehead to warn other women before you leave?

^ 3 minutes later

“Are you going to be home sharp today, @BabyBear101?”

Answer : "who knows. Nobody knows the future with perfect certainty."

Nothing wrong with making arrangements if there is some purpose behind them. This is not like that, it's as if he thinks you are only 'allowed out' if you have a valid reason like a job and not without.

I wouldn't be doing with this.

Tell him to cut it out. Consider the consequences if he doesn't get with the programme. The benefit of being an adult and paying your taxes is exactly to choose when you go out and when you come back.