To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

How's his hearing? It's his first time in a noisy environment so he might be finding it difficult to hear.
Does the teacher know he never attended nursery?

It’s only his 2nd day, no one should be making such judgements so early! I’m a teacher and I’d give Reception kids a good few weeks to settle into new routines and expectations before speaking to parents about such things! Please don’t worry, maybe she’s a new teacher?!

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Honestly it’s not - it probably should be, but in most schools the expectation is that it’s the year they learn to read and write more or less, and there’s a lot of pressure to ‘hit the ground running’ with it. Getting the kids used to following rules and fitting in with a structured routine usually happens in nursery/ other childcare setting.

I was an Early Years teacher up to having my own DD. A child who kept trying to leave the classroom, wouldn’t come and sit with the others etc would definitely stand out to me, not unheard of but it would be unusual. That said, I’d definitely wait more than a few morning sessions before I started talking to parents about potential SEN. I’m sure your son will settle and get used to it all soon - does he follow instructions and routines at home?

I taught reception for a term back when only 50% of children in the catchment area had a nursery place (places were allocated by lottery - this was nearly 30 years ago).

The difference between the children who'd been to nursery and those who hadn't was incredible. I felt very sad for those families who'd lost in the lottery, and I pretty much ended up having two groups in the class, that I taught and interacted with differently.

The good news is that the 'no nursery' children caught up very quickly.

Are you trained to assess SEN? I know you say you know for a fact that he has no special needs, but if you aren’t trained then you can’t really rule out her spotting something ( particularly as it can be more marked when a child is viewed alongside other children who aren’t SEN). I’m not trying to be unhelpful btw - I’m trained and know how much I spot that parents haven’t yet noticed.

Most children will have been in some sort of nursery or preschool setting and so will be used to those things.

I'd reply in an open, friendly way and mention that he hasn't been in nursery before and is young, so you aren't surprised he's having these difficulties (or similar). Ask how you can best support the school at home to help him develop these skills.

And tbh, no parent can say for certain that their DC doesn't have any SEN, so don't close your mind to it, even if it's not a particular concern just yet.

Well it's only day 2, and he's only just turned 4. I would be shocked if he was instantly compliant and if the teacher is actually thinking this is a problem, rather than just letting you know where he is in his progress so far after 2 days, then that's not a very good teacher. Hopefully the teacher didn't mean it in the way you thought and your DS will get used to things. If he's never been to nursery at all then of course he is going to be less school-ready than kids who have, but that's not a problem at all and he will be fine soon enough.

However...

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not)

So from this sentence I am gathering that (a) you think that special needs are something to be ashamed of ("insinuated" is only ever used for something shameful) and (b) because of this you don't want your child's school to consider his individual needs but just want them to force him into a cookie-cutter identical expectation because you would be ashamed to acknowledge it if that might not work for him. A lot of additional needs don't get identified until a child is even older than 4 - sometimes not until teenage years - and if there's anything like that going on then the sooner it's identified the better the eventual outcomes, and if there's nothing to worry about then no harm is done by having an open mind.

Totally had that although it happened the year before, in nursery. Very impatient teacher! We had the luxury of moving to another nursery where our child was encouraged and leant to adapt. And she didn’t have special needs but was just super curious and wanted to see everything she could. She got classed as ‘naughty’. The new nursery were awesome and just helped her to learn what she could do and when, that is all. Perhaps you could take some time out and explain to your child all about following instructions and why they need to do it, and explain how school is different etc? Some kids just need a bit longer to adapt, that is all.

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov His hearings completely fine. If he hears a whisper of something he wants hes off running.
I have mentioned he hasn't attended nursery to school staff but not sure if they've relayed to the teacher.

I would make sure the teacher knows that. At 4 they should be able to follow instructions and respond to their names etc, but maybe he's a bit overwhelmed in the different setting. Work with her, try not to get annoyed.

@LimeTwists I'm not no. I just thought that I hadn't noticed anything that concerns me at home. And he's always responding to his name and talking up a storm. He's acting differently at school compared to when he's at home based on the teachers comments.

Is there a reason you didn't send him to nursery?

How did she insinuate he might have special needs?

“He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed.”

So, the teacher is only telling you what you already know - he doesn’t yet do as he’s told.
But he’s 4, and new to a structured environment.

Do you need to over think what the teacher has said? Was this just informal feedback ar pick up? (I’m impressed you had long enough to be told all that just 2 days in! With 30 parents wanting to chat to the new teacher about first timers!) Or did the teacher specifically ask for a meeting with you?

Sounds like you need to let him settle in. Back school up - if he grumbles at home that he was told not to wander off, tell him they were right - in a child friendly and encouraging way - like telling him they need to know where everyone is and he might miss instructions for fun, not just “you must behave”. If it persists, ask school what support they need from you. But I really wouldn’t worry.

It's probably because he's never been in any early years or nursery setting. Any reason why op? Don't worry, I'm sure he will settle in soon once he gets used to a routine and rules there.

“The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not)”

Insinuated is standing out there. So what did the teacher actually say? Are you sure that’s not coming from you?

@ChuggaChuggaTooToo Not ashamed at all. I might have used the wrong word I didn't mean for it to have that implication. I just didn't notice anything at home myself that concerned me. Of course if there were any serious concerns I'd do anything to help and support. I just thought its only day 2 and children were supposed to be supported in getting settled and used to structure. There wasn't any time given before I was presented with these concerns.

"Very bright" by day 2 of reception.

So funny

As he hasn’t been to nursery he probably just needs time to settle in to the new environment. If the teacher mentions it again suggest that you have a meeting after the first half term to discuss any issues, by then he more than likely will have settled or if there are additional needs they will be more evident.

Trying to leave the room is a problem. The children really do need to stay in the classroom, so you need to reiterate he is to stay inside it. Also he won't be "a lot younger than most children in the class". Summerborns' mums (and I am one) tend to forget that the class isn't filled with 29 children born on 1st Sept and their August baby. Many of children will be within a number of weeks of your son. He will be likely be fine and if he's not been to nursery it's not surprising he's finding it all a bit strange. It's great you have a proactive teacher who is communicating with you.

@Testina yes I used the wrong word. She asked me on both days if he has any special needs and that they were concerned he might have based on what I posted. So I wanted input from other parents on what they thought.

In some areas, it is very rare for a child not to have attended some kind of group learning situation prior to reception. The expectation is definitely that children will be used to classroom procedures and following directions from a teacher. In these areas, even children of SAHP will have attended nursery part-time for a year or two.

your son will likely catch on quickly. Kids are little sponges. The teachers are just used to children who have particular experience and it can upset the routine a bit when there is variation.

Oh please. A teacher jumping to conclusions after 2 days with a 4 year old is ridiculous. That is the OP's concern. That is the red flag. Way to try and shame her for being concerned that the teacher isn't giving her child a fair start. 🙄

So it wasn’t an insinuation but a direct question? Who is “they”? One post says teachers plural, this one says she… is it a job share and both had the same question?
If you’ve had that interaction with the teacher(s) then why don’t they know he hasn’t been in formal childcare?

• he doesn’t follow instructions, we think he may have special needs

or

• he doesn’t follow instructions - does he have any special needs?

Quite different. And both you would answer by explaining that he hadn’t been to nursery.

@olimin You say the teacher asked you both days if your child had any special needs but you didn't think to tell her/him that your child had not attended nursery before (so might be very overwhelmed in the classroom.).
Was there an opportunity for your dc to visit the school before it officially opened ?
I'm not in the UK so don't know what is common practice there.

Why did he not go to nursery? How does he get on with other structured activities eg does he do swimming lessons, drama or anything in terms of following instructions?