To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

And...this is why you absolutely should send your child to nursery.

No, it's not compulsory. You might not even need to. But trust me, parents generally are not brilliant at preparing their own children for the reality of school.

It's actually doing kids a disservice to keep them at home.

Re the SEN comments. Trust me. Parents are generally the last to accept/acknowledge that their child isn't neuro typical (and I say that having a child with SEN) I have been the exception - I knew very early on as I've taught children for years so I know what the average 4 year old is like for eg. However, I'm currently teaching 2 children who very clearly have additional needs and the parents are oblivious. We are not allowed to suggest SEN so I'm actually quite surprised the teacher brought it up!

I don’t blame the teacher for mentioning to you that your kid had problems adjusting as teachers these days are taught to pick up and things like that. It gives you a chance to think whether he might have a hearing defect or something like that. But people saying that you should’ve sent him to nursery is pretty outrageous IMO. For goodness sake, the kid is 4. Lots of kids have a problem adjusting to school when they are young. Give it time and he will adjust as he seems to be doing

The thing about nurseries is not that they teach children things that they wouldn't necessarily learn anyway if they have engaged, involved parents at home. It's more that they inculcate 'school-type' skills into children (lining up, sitting on the carpet, taking turns with other children, snack routines and lunch routines, asking for help from unfamiliar adults etc.). And they do so in an environment where there is usually a higher staff-child ratio and less is expected of the children than in a busy reception classroom. Hence my opinion (and I understand that others may think differently on this) is that nursery is a much gentler introduction into these skills than school, especially for children who are less confident. The school environmental is a bit of a baptism of fire for children away from their parents and family for the first time.

When I first started talking to parents who home educate, I thought it was strange that there seemed to be disproportionate number of teachers who were home educating their own kids.
But once I understood what teachers are expected to do today, what tiny kids are being expected to do, it all made sense.
Young kids do better in small groups with a higher ratio of adults : kids than is possible in school settings.

@KateW73 that’s interesting, when you say home educate do you mean not send to nursery or literally not send to school? Would be interested to hear more about their/your reasoning if it’s the latter.

I’m sure there are benefits and drawbacks to both really, the idea there’s one good way to educate is demonstrably silly, but it’s definitely noteworthy if teachers are home schooling

I Home Educated Ds. He was in year 3 in school he couldn’t read or write anything above his name and was being punished for not doing homework. He was made to do it at break and lunch times and had to stay in until the homework was completed. When he didn’t do it I was called in because apparently Ds was being defiant by not doing his homework
Nothing got through to the teacher or the HT that Ds wasn’t being defiant. He couldn’t actually read so how was he supposed to do the homework.
I was just told over and over that it was the National Curriculum and he had to do it.

There was no extra help because the HT decided that there was no such thing as SENs

I withdrew him from school before I killed someone
Ds was being bullied (physically assaulted) because he couldn’t read
I complained and was told by the HT that the boys were good boys as they went to church and they were correct in their teasing that Ds didn’t know how to read

It was with great pleasure that I heard on the grapevine a few months later that there had been a surprise OFSTED inspection and the school went from Outstanding to In Special Measures and ds’s teacher and head teacher and most of the other teaching staff as well as the witch of a school secretary were told to leave with immediate effect.

Of course he's struggling with these things, he's literally just turned 4, he's a baby! It is insanity that this country send our children to school so young and expect them to just get on with it. Sure, some cope fine, but others do not.

Nursery is not compulsory just because the hours are provided. We aren't sending my daughter to nursery, and she will be expected to start school at just turned 4 next September. She will not be ready, no amount of forcing her to go to nursery will make her ready, it will just cause further upset and trauma this year.

No advice OP, but just wanted to reply because I will likely be in the same boat next year! No SEN here either (my son has SEN and started at 4 and managed fine, my daughter has no SEN and will not be fine!), she's just not ready yet!

Agree with these posters.

My first memory is my first day of school so I remember EYFS. Don’t remember before that. Obviously dc aren’t academic in EYFS. However, I always had a very high reading level and could speak two languages (only because I’m mixed race). I mainly learned through play and was always silly with my friends but I also loved reading :)

@Foronenightonly22 I was only pointing out the benefits that Nursery has on DC’s social and motor skills (and that being a summer baby doesn’t always put you at a great disadvantage). However, one of OP’s recent posts suggests that she made sure her ds had good motor skills for when he started school, which is great! :)

Far too early to be making comments like that however my son was like this in Reception and progressively got worse/struggled for 4 years. He was labelled as the uninterested lazy child who didn't want to know. I would have given anything for school to have wanted to help. He is finally under incredible therapists and moved to a supportive school all who support his needs.
I'm not sure how to take your SEN comment as it feels negative.
I personally couldn't be prouder of my son. He was born this way and the way he is is nothing to be ashamed of.

it’s definitely noteworthy if teachers are home schooling

Definitely not this teacher!

Well sure he will likely be fine long term. But you made the experience much harder for him that it needed to be by failing to adequately prepare him. So much so the teacher wondered if he had special needs. Talk about throwing him in at the deep end.

When my daughter first started nursery she wouldn't talk to them (for a good few months), to the point that they were about to refer us to speech therapy. She didn't stop talking at home so it was really strange. She is now 9 and I truly think (having learned how she can be as an older child) that she was scared of getting her words wrong in front of strangers. It was as simple as that. They are strangers at the end of the day and it takes time for your child to feel comfortable with them. Don't get me wrong it could be something else or this could be a part of something else, but I would try not to stress it for a couple of months, let him get used to them.

Thats great OP and I was hoping to to see this from you, basically, teacher jumped the gun here, they should not have even mentioned to you at 2 days in.

Christ thats awful. What a terrible school and attitude. Your poor child, I hope he is doing better now.

At 2 days in, I personally think the teacher should not have mentioned SEN at all to the OP, it was way too early.

You have sent your child to school and he isn't school ready. If he hasn't been sent to an early years setting, that was your job. No wonder he's struggling now.

What a nasty response. Did you not read the full thread ? the OP has said that her DC is fine now, after 4 days he was fine he just needed to settle in. Children struggle with school and changes in general regardless of whether they have been to nursery or not, regardless of how much you prepare them sometimes, some just adapt quicker than others. If the OP's child was fine after 4 days, she really has done too bad in her 'job' has she.

Should have read hasn't done too badly in her job

It used to be that reception was for doing what you expected and what now people seem to think children have to go to nursery for. It’s why it’s called reception and then it starts at year one (used to then be the first year with infants in the name).
I don’t know why we’ve done it to ourselves. Other countries start school at older ages and yet we have somehow made it so ours are actually younger.

As it’s now possible, it wasn’t when my third child needed it, I would put him in part time nursery this year and start next with him as one of the eldest and with some similar social group experience behind him.
They grow up so quickly.

People asking why some don’t use their free hours, figures show that nearly half of parents have been asked to pay extra fees because of the way the system can be manipulated. Not everyone can afford this.

Apologies. It was only showing me the first page. I can see the others now. Glad he’s doing better.

@Kennykenkencat
we had a very similar experience with our eldest. The head made us out to be those ‘our little Johnny would never do that’ but is actually a brat type parents.
Soon after we left, the school went into special measures, then later was closed and reopened as an academy.
ds1 thrived at his new school and went on to win a scholarship to a good public school and get great exam results and is happily working his way through a masters.

Reading your post I did wonder very quickly if it had been the same school. I do wonder what happened to the other children there and hope it turned out ok for them.

I was thinking of home ed groups where I've met more than a few teachers who didn't want to send their own kids to school (school, not nursery) because they know what schools are like. Most were primary school teachers with primary school aged children and most weren't sure at the time we met if they would send their kids to secondary school or not.

One of the things a teacher told me they don't like about schools currently is that teachers are discouraged from repeating any of what they're hoping the kids will learn, because ofsted are looking for lesson plans that constantly deliver new content. Teachers know that repetition is often necessary for understanding and remembering, but they're being discouraged from teaching practices that are effective in favour of doing what inspectors can tick boxes for. If home educated, children can go over the same things for as long as they need to.

There's also the issue of which children set the pace of learning when they're in classes of 30 kids. Teachers generally have to teach to the middle, leaving some children bored, and some having no idea what the teacher is going on about. In home ed groups, there might be big groups of kids, and adults leading the group might still have to pitch it at the middle, but parents can be on site (particularly for younger kids) and can explain anything if their child's got a bit lost. Or they can go over things later at home.

Home education doesn't have to be something parents decide to do and then that's it - decision set in stone. I've met families where the kids started at primary from age 8 or 9 having been home educated when younger, and they didn't seem to have much difficulty with settling in - no more than kids that move schools because they move house.

I home educated my son for a while but completely understand it's not what everyone wants to do. I just wanted to raise it as an option to consider.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne

The school is still open and it is back in the Ofsted outstanding category and seems a much nicer school from the odd person I know who has children there

Personally I think someone who had a child with an SEN who left (was made to leave) at the same time as we did called OFSTED.

On the day OFSTED arrived without warning I heard through a few parents that after a couple of hours of OFSTED arriving the HT, the school secretary, a few teachers including my ds’s previous teacher left never to return.
My ds’s teacher had her own child in her classroom. She thought nothing of letting her son sit in on any discussions parents had with her about their child.
Smug little bastard would smirk when I was discussing ds’s struggles with literacy and when I asked to talk privately his mother would be really put out that her dc had to leave the classroom. He would leave but then you would catch sight of him by the slightly open door eaves dropping.

They made my ds’s life hell for the year he was there and from a bright bubbly confident little boy he became a depressed angry recluse who has never really recovered from that year.

I did curse a number of people at the school. I found that produced more satisfactory results than complaining through the relevant channels