To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

for example a special needs diagnosis for a child may come with more classroom support or other additional resources

You clearly have no idea how difficult it is to get funding for additional staff support, or a 1-1 for a pupil.

OP I wouldn't rule anything out just yet. It may be that your child just isn't used to the expectations that come with a classroom environment, or it could be something more. Best to give the teacher as much information as you can and work together if the difficulties persist.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

I wouldn’t say that’s true. Most of what you have described is I think what children are generally already expected to do in order to be ‘school ready’ - particularly answering to his name and knowing not to just leave the room when he’s been specifically told not to.
But I do think though that since he hasn’t been to nursery they should allow him a little more time to get used to the school environment and settle.

@olimin , @Nowhereelsetogo90 @chiefstewwithpotatoes

you might find the following pretty unbiased overview article of autism diagnosis instructive. In particular section 2 and the table showing the changes in diagnosis prevalence between 2000 and 2018. Autism diagnosis Psychcentral

Sadly - no! Suggesting diagnoses does not lead to extra support unless an EHCP is in place which are like hen's teeth to get these days. In any case, the teacher would not be able to 'diagnose' - only a paediatrician or child psychiatrist/psychologist could do that, so it would require all of them being in league together for this 'incentive'.
I would find it very unlikely that a teacher has suggested a diagnosis for a child especially after 2 days! Sure - a teacher can add a child to a SEN register and create an IEP for them, but why would they want to unless they have to?? This creates extra work on top of their already ridiculous workload so in fact I'd say there's the very opposite of an incentive in place.

OP, could the asking about special needs be part of a standard list of questions they are asking to all parents to find out if there is anything they need to be aware of, and you've perhaps misinterpreted it?

He needs more time to settle. But she isn’t wrong to flag up her concerns. My DD2 got up and walked around during carpet time and she had been to nursery since being a baby. She soon stopped. You need to work with the school and reinforce the expectations at home.

For gods sake, it's his second day and the boy has only just turned 4 and did not attend nursery so they can't expect miracles. It's all new for him and I would imagine he'll settle soon.

I was not a summer birthday but I did not attend nursery before school and I do believe it can put children at a disadvantage when starting school - I struggled hugely socially . I'm not judging you on that he didn't go nursery op, just staying that it can make a difference when they start school but then saying that my own DS went to pre school and took a whole to settle in to school too!

but honestly op, don't worry. It's very bold and unnecessary of a teacher to suggest sen on the second day!!

many years ago it was the norm for summer birthdays to go part time until after Easter. I was a Christmas - spring birthday and went full time after the Christmas holidays. Now we expect kids to go straight into full time school at just 4. They are still so young!

My boy was exactly like this, although he did go to nursery.

in my view he was far to young to start school, and was way behind all through reception and year 1. Year 2 he started showing promise, and now in Year 4 he’s exactly on par with his classmates - it just takes time for some children to adjust so please take this as a measure of reassurance.

He's only just turned 4, this wouldn't concern me. 4 year olds tend to be curious, energetic and all about physical development. Formal school environments with large classes are at odds with this. It's why a lot of parents home educate in the early years, as children are typically ready for school style learning without any sort of bribery/rewards/punishment around 6 or 7. It's not unusual for some children to struggle with settling in more than others, just continue to listen to feedback and support your son.

Absolutely get his hearing and eyes checked immediately.

Don’t rely on your perception that his hearing is fine because he can hear a crisp packet being opened at fifty paces. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this correctly, but the audiologist explained for my DS (has glue ear) that hearing has different frequencies that are measured and it could be that his hearing is affected in one or more frequencies and he may not actually be hearing properly when he’s being spoken to, hence ignoring both you and the teacher. Or, he could be choosing to ignore when spoken to.

It’s important to rule out a possible hearing and eye issue with a free test, and if they are fine then you and the school can address any behaviour concerns knowing that his ears and eyes are normal. Ask your GP for a hearing test referral and most High St opticians will test young children.

@Whinge it’s different in different areas and different schools I’d imagine. Not everyone on this forum lives where you live.

I am curious why raising this as a possibility has sparked so much defensiveness and reflexive dismissal. There is clearly a dramatic increase in this sort of diagnosis over the years, it’s not unreasonable to wonder if there’s actually an increased prevalence or if there are other factors contributing to the increase. Either way I would still maintain it’s just not appropriate to preempt a diagnosis of any kind. It may be reasonable to ask, it may be reasonable to suggest an educational assessment might be useful, but it’s unprofessional for a teacher to preempt diagnosis requiring special educational needs, in my opinion.
As I’ve suggested above, you might also find this article interesting Autism diagnosis Psychcentral

That’s not how it works. Support in schools is based on needs rather than a diagnosis. Schools don’t get more money for adding a pupil to the SEN register.

Had this at GC school, reception teacher would grab parents daily at pickup time. DIL found it upsetting, most parents just said OK and walked away. My ear was bent a few times when I did pick up. I just said OKAY. anyway it escalated to the point that the school called in Senco because of all the reports from this teacher. A number of children were tested, Senco said they were all normal behaviours for that age group.

Thank goodness it all settled down after that

If the teacher has flagged this this early it means his behaviour is on the extreme end. And yes. You should definitely be concerned.

Reception teachers will be used to kids who’ve not been to nursery, kids struggling to settle, etc etc. if they’re feeding this back now it means whatever is going on is not typical and you would be remiss to ignore. Take it seriously.

@Thatsnotmycar exactly! If only getting classroom support was as easy as a diagnosis!

I simply raised the question, as this teacher was being unprofessional and cavalier in my opinion

The teacher just asked a question because of his behaviour being unusual.

It's one of the first questions I ask because some parents think you know anything that has ever been shared with anyone 'official'.

I also check that all my kids teachers know their needs because it's so easy for stuff to be missed.

I would definitely speak to the teacher directly about his never having been in nursery. Most children I know either attended the school nursery for a year before school or private day care nursery for several years, so already have experience and understand the discipline in that sort of environment. It's all new to him, big difference.

Also I agree re hearing. I know you said you didn't think he had hearing problems but if he's not been in the environment where he has to hear instructions against the background noise, you can't really know. We had that issue with one of my DC and we didn't pick it up til reception as he was in private nursery where there were much fewer children, plus less time having to sit still and listen.

I was going to say that I was surprised you’d been told anything after two days, but if a child was repeatedly trying to escape the classroom and not responding to their name, I’m not surprised staff have spoken to you.

What has your child said when you’ve asked them why they are trying to escape the classroom and why they aren’t responding at all to their name? Do they understand? What reasons did they give? As an EYFS teacher and SENCo, that isn’t typical.

It's very likely it's because he's never attended a formal setting before.

He needs time to learn.

However the teacher is right to highlight the difficulties to you so you are aware.

I'd arrange a meeting and have a plan in place with what school and you will do to support ds and then revisit this at half term.

He should have settled after 6 weeks.

With regards special needs. It's very common for parents to automatically adjust their parenting to meet their own child's needs. You've possibly done this more as he's been with you the whole time. That's great and shouldn't be seen as a negative but it also means that when someone outside of the home life or in situations where they have to follow group instructions notices a difference it may be that there is SN involved. Although ime usually parents are the ones who notice and beg for help rather than the other way around.

@Lighthillthunderstorms010 maybe do some research before making such horrible comments.

SEN is increasingly underfunded with the gap ever widening with school professionals often doing the exact opposite of what you’ve said here. Stating children are fine when they aren’t, ruling out SEN when it is there, failing to access support due to endless hoops. There is a massive crisis in this country and it is definitely not children accessing support when they don’t need it and schools diagnosing kids in excess. Far from it.

Makes me wonder why we bothered fighting for the watertight EHCPs if all we needed was a diagnosis.

I know a lot of small children but I don’t think I know a single one who had never attended any kind of nursery, pre-school or childcare setting before Reception. It must be very unusual.

Not even a diagnosis - just a vague implication from a teacher about SEN would suffice it seems 😏

^^This!

It has only been a couple of days, but, in all honesty the teacher wouldn't be doing her job properly if she didn't share her concerns.

Perhaps speak to her on Monday and suggest that it has made you worry all weekend. That for example, health visitors have never picked up on it, but that if after a couple of weeks he is still the same, then you will address it further. I'm a Reception teacher and we rarely have this kind of thing so it would be a big red flag for me, but perhaps I woud give a little more time before addressing it with the parents.

That said, I did once flag something, with evidence from outside agencies, and the parent didn't like what I said, and made my life hell...so just remember the teacher is just doing her job :)

Fingers crossed your little one settles x

For goodness sake, he’s 4 years old and he’s in this new place with TOYS and COLOURS and NOISE and a strange woman who keeps saying thing in a way he’s never heard before. I really wonder why some people are reception teachers as they seem clueless in understanding children.
Ive known kids want to constantly go to the toilet for the first week because they’re fascinating, with doors you can bang and little basins you’re allowed to turn the water on all you want. It’s called learning but probably doesn’t tick one of her boxes.

Only just turning 4, no nursery and needing to be persistently asked (and you yourself label him as stubborn and strong willed) is Im afraid going to set him apart from the others.

It sounds like he may need a tailored approach to with you working alongside the teacher in order to get him used to the structured setting