To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called

I got very similar feedback from DC1's first few days at school. The difference is that he has been in full time nursery from the age of 1 and still does all those things. He is also very bright but definitely does have SEN.

OP I don't think either you or the teacher are going to be able to unpick whether these behaviours are just coming from not having been in a group setting or whether there is more going on for a while yet tbh.

I think the teacher is wrong to cry SEN ion day 2 but equally I don't think any parent of a 4 year old can say they 'definitely don't have SEN' if they haven't actually been in an education setting.

So reading your posts OP, after day 2 the teacher said to you he was struggling to stay sitting and kept trying to leave etc. You post on MN that evening. Day 3. Model child by your accounts? Very strange.
As for I know for a fact he doesn’t have SEN. That is simply not true- he’s only 4- many people have issues come to light later in childhood or even adulthood!

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Nope, the expectation is that is done the year before school at nursery/daycare/childcare, so they start school with these as core skills. Other core skills are alphabet and associated phonics, basic counting etc. First year of school builds on all of this.

Wow - who rattled your cage! I wasn’t that interested in the whole “Be kind” thing but maybe people like you need simple frequent reminders. I hope that you get whatever is causing you to be so nasty sorted and that you’ll do better in future.

I am not sure kids who went to nursery are always that much better prepared for school. My son went to nursery from a young age and I rarely had any feedback about poor behaviour.

School is completely different - expectations are higher and I think they also tell you about every little thing. We also had a teacher implying he had special needs because he didn't want to go for the hearing test.

However, nursery/per-school does prepare you for having to do things in groups etc. I would dispute that 4 year olds do everything they're told the first time though, if that were the case, you wouldn't ever have any disciplinary issues!

I think the thing is not to worry too much about it as term has only just begun. This is a very big step for a little lad at that age if he is not used to it. Talk to him and you will see things come right. I never went to nursery and survived!

I am not suggesting that your son does have SEN because I have never met him and know nothing about him, but as others have said you can't be so quick to rule it out. I was one of the youngest in my year, was always described as an explempary student because I was well behaved (I dont divert from rules - ever. If the lights not green, im not crossing type of thing) and did well academically - but I seriously struggle socially, hate loud noises/crowds/bright lights (for example supermarkets give me anxiety attacks) and have no hand eye coordination what so ever. I am now thinking of being assessed as an adult, just because it wasn't picked up on in school, doesn't mean I haven't always struggled and if it had been picked up earlier it might have made things easier. (Sorry its a bit off topic).

@Icanstillrecallourlastsummer He has caught up well thank you. I don't recall nursery being an absolute necessity. Plenty of kids don't go to nursery yet still end up fine. It just takes time and adjustment to get used to new things, just like it would for a child new to nursery, or even an adult at a new setting.

@Pinkpeony2 Not strange really. It's what happened. A couple days of adjusting and me reiterating expectations and the teachers said she's happy with how he's managed to catch up and follow instructions. It's been a week and a bit now and he's happy and schools happy.

My God! Just read some of this thread and somehow its gone from someone wanting a bit of reassurance to - "why didnt you send your kid to nursery???" and "how are you so sure that s/he isnt SEN?"

OP ignore them. I think its really bloody early for a teacher to say a kid has a problem responding to anything after two days - my sons year 1 teacher doesnt even know their names in week 2. Your child is only 4 and will settle, and doesnt need the pressure. I totally agree with the person who said next time you speak to teacher, how about we have a proper conversation in a few weeks when things have settled down. The teacher should be reassuring you that your child is ok at school - bit runny aroundy fine, who isnt at 4 with lots to see and do, but in my opionion getting a four year old who hasnt been to nursery let alone most kids in reception to settle is a challenge and its so early days. Remind teacher that your child hant been to nursery- doesnt hurt.Good luck but it will get better- if not make it more formal.

My youngest child is an august born baby. By whatever quirk of nature 75% of her class were born before Christmas, and the latest of the rest was born in April. So she was a lot younger than everyone else and a tiny child so even more noticeable. It happens.

@Tista I agree! It seems that not going to nursery is deemed bad by many mumsnetters!

As an ex Nursery Manager I think I appreciate more than most the value of children attending nursery before school. However, that said, I myself did not attend nursery. Back when I was a toddler it was the norm to stay home with your parents/grandparents.

I can honestly say it didn’t set me back! I could read and write before starting school and took to classroom life like a duck to water. I’ve gone on to complete post-graduate qualifications.

Staying home before school is not necessarily a bad thing!

But he's not been in an environment where he has to do as 30 other children do before. He's not yet learned how to follow instructions and be patient and wait his turn etc. Nursery teaches those skills, so without going to nursery, he lacks them. I'd wait at least until half term before assuming any additional needs. Give him a chan ce to settle and learn to fit in. If he can;t after a few weeks then it might be worth investigating. Day 2 for a child who hasn;t had nursery schooling is a bit premature to suggest SEN.

Not in the UK, you didn't.

It's shocking what Reception teachers see nowadays. Not only children sent in nappies,

If a child is sent to school in nappies then the parent should be in regularly to deal with it, teachers and classroom assistants should not have to deal with it.

Glad he’s settled and happy op it’s nice to have an update. Obviously teacher speaking to you early has helped as you could help him understand the rules and he’s soon caught on.

I'm glad it's all worked out for you and him 😊

That’s great things have all worked out well OP, but as someone who has been diagnosed with SEN as an adult and has a brother who is still undiagnosed but has been showing strong signs since his late teens, you can never be absolutely sure that your child doesn’t have SEN.

I think the teacher was a bit silly to ask you if he had special needs and make such a big deal about it on the second day!(if of course, that's how it happened and you haven't misconstrued things)

I once had a reception TA ask me if I was concerned my son may be on the spectrum because he had a habit of flapping his hands by his side when excited. I know it's important to look out for these things but I was like "er, no...he just flaps his hands when excited - he's 4!" I think some people are a bit over-zealous with these things.

Glad he's settling in OP - your dc's starting school can be a very worrying (but lovely!) time as in stressing about how they'll cope, tiredness, disruption of the status quo etc. I can understand why it would've upset you.

I’m glad it’s worked itself out!

I didn’t send my daughter to nursery either (she was failure to thrive due to CMPI so I sought out an allergy aware childminder and she stayed with her CM til the term she turned 5, by which time she’d begun to grow out of her allergy). There are lots of reasons not to do nursery and simply wanting to spend those rapidly-passing preschool years with your child is perfectly valid.

My daughter also had a rough start adjusting to reception, hated sitting still on an itchy carpet and not being allowed to chatter at will! Didn’t like the hustle and bustle of the dinner hall much either. She’d learned a pretty good stink eye stare from her teenaged brother and attempted to employ it on staff, which was a bit mortifying.
Nonetheless she soon got used to the routine and is in year 6 now with no ongoing school-related problems.

fingers crossed the rest of your son’s primary years are similarly peaceful to ours!

For all those berating the OP for not putting her DS in nursery, it doesn't make a difference long term. I had my DS attend private nursery and he too was Summer born. His nursery teacher was overwhelmed as he was 'quite spirited' like OP's DS and I too got told to look into a SEN possibility (which I did and every hcp I saw said he doesn't). He then started school with a 'tough, no nonsense' teacher and she sorted him out in 2 weeks. He was sitting nicely, listening, etc. I couldn't believe it. I had been so worried for years. He just needed a teacher who knew how to handle him instead of one getting flustered & overwhelmed. On the contrary my next DS was a dream student, very obliging & disciplined, always doing what he was asked to do and he is the one who ended up with a selective mutism diagnosis. I feel he started private nursery too young which made him anxious especially with the pandemic going on in the background. So lay off the OP pls.

*can/can’t provide SEN accommodations

My eldest is 12. August Baby. When she was in reception her teacher was concerned about her hearing. He said he has to get louder and louder and only on the 4/5th time does she acknowledge.

Well we took her to the DR who referred her to hospital for tests. No issue at all.

I just think she didn't want to stop playing.

She only went to nursery 3-4 I'm not sure if that's relevant.

She still doesn't listen now!!!

Mine is Dyslexic though