To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

I think there will be a bigger adjustment for him as he’s not been to nursery. There tends to be a big difference even between those who did school based nursery half day and those who were at private nursery all day. Mine had absolutely no problem with the school day and an hour or so at after school club - they were used to those hours. What they struggled with was doing it five days a week.
Make sure the teacher knows he has not been to nursery so she understands that the routine is unfamiliar to him.

My number one question is how long has this person worked in eyfs. That is going to give you your answer about whether to trust her judgement about potential SEN.

Also, does she know he hasn't attended nursery ?

It really is hard to say. She might be completely jumping the gun and he just needs time to settle. However, there is a chance that if she is very experienced, she may have noticed that there are some red flags for additional needs. I would just respond in an open way that no you are not aware of any additional needs. Maybe ask her to let you know in a few weeks how he is settling and whether she still has concerns.

A bit different here in that they start half day school at 3.

Mine is a mid August born, so he had literally just turned 3 when he went to school.

He was toilet trained, had been to a nursery setting since 16weeks old, did the baby room, did the toddler room. Could dress independently.

Didn't stop him "shushing" the teacher every time she called his name though. 😳 He would literally put his finger to his lips and go "shhh, not now" every time the poor woman tried to ask him to do something or talk to him.

Only lasted about a week, he soon settled and understood he couldn't shush his teacher just because he fancied some quiet time 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd just smile and nod for the next week, I'm sure it will all settle down.

I wouldn’t be too worried after 2 days however I think the key bit is that at home “with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed” then imagine what that’s like at school with 30 children! It will be really obvious at the moment but they will probably adjust to expectations quickly. Just keep communicating with school and work together

Tricky one.

If a teacher made these comments so early on, then they have clearly noticed something.

I'd be inclined to make a appointment with the teacher or maybe your child's school has a settling in meeting with parents?

He may not have attended a nursery, but you must have taught him to follow instructions, even if just to keep him safe.

What have you done to prepare him?

Seems to be jumping the gun a bit, first time in a structured setting = SN?

O know it sounds obvious but Is the teacher using the same name you use. I work in the school office so no classroom experience, but i have spoken to a lot of children who are called e.g Jim at home and didnt know they were James and it takes a week to sort out.

@olimin it sounds like because you took the less conventional pathway of not putting your child in a nursery the teacher is interpreting their lack of compliance skills as a deficit/ stubborn impediment rather than simply a difference in skill set.

Personally I would never defer to a teacher’s assessment of a child as “special needs”. They are not educational psychologists and I’ve heard from too many parents that this “diagnosis” has been raised as a possibility by random childcare and education professionals.

The fact she felt compelled to allude to it as a possibility suggests to me that she is insecure in her own capacity as a teacher to work with your son. In my opinion, teachers seem far too empowered to suggest life-altering diagnoses these days, I’m not sure why it’s happening, perhaps they are incentivised in some way? Maybe it’s just a sort of social contagion? But what I do know is that unless they are an educational psychologist they are not qualified to diagnose, and if they suggest a diagnosis they are probably not professional enough in general to be taken very seriously.
Defer to her on matters of education, yes, but do not defer to her on matters of cognitive and learning capacity. Even very experienced psychologists will find this challenging.
In other words, don’t expect a physio to be able to carry out surgery.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not)
Sorry but you don't know for certain that he does not. My dd is 12 and has just been formally diagnosed with ADHD. Not one single teacher throughout primary school expressed a single concern other than mentioning she was very chatty. She's very bright, exceeded expectation in all subjects, it was only when I was trying to teach her myself in lockdown and saw how inattentive she was that the penny dropped and I started the whole process of diagnosis. I think if a teacher is saying to you very early on that there may be a problem you need to listen. The sooner you get intervention if there is a problem the better

I wouldn't worry at all. It's only the second day and he's a 4 year old who has never been in a classroom with dozens of kids before. If he's happy to go in and not biting anyone it's a win, and the other skills will build up very soon.

Teachers absolutely do not get 'incentives' for referring children. Nonsense.

Utter rubbish.Teachers are not incentivised.

This.

Nursery gives a head start on the social and independance skills they will need for Reception. OP I get the impression you thought Reception was basically Nursery class - it isn't.

From your description, I was about to
ask if he’s some kind of SEND. Many children with SEND don’t struggle at home. At 4, even without being at nursery, I think should be able to copy what peers are doing and following instructions. Many children with SEND go a long while without help. If she experienced teacher has suggested it, I’d listen.

Is rare for children not to have attended a nursery nowadays. When they haven't they often react just as your son has done. The classroom is overwhelmingly exciting . They don't want to leave the toys to sit down ,and they have never been asked to do so in such a formal structured way so they don't have any idea of expectations. They don't realise that there are boundaries and will try to leave the room. Most children however reasonably quickly learn how to conduct themselves but it won't be for a few weeks. It takes patience and some extra support to help children with no nursery experience to adapt. If your sons teacher does not know he has never been to nursery that would be very poor. How much interaction did you get with the school before hand? Hopefully he is just over stimulated and sen will be ruled out when he settles. I've worked in reception for years. I would never mention special needs on the second day in.

Asking a parent if their child has had any previous SEN concerns is not the teacher trying to diagnose them with anything or jumping to conclusion, it's a necessary question.

The answer would be "Not that I know of, but he hasn't been to nursery or any formal settings before now."

Lots of unnecessary drama on this thread. (Not you OP) I understand why you would be concerned, but all you can do is wait and see how he settles.

@Lighthillthunderstorms010 What? Like a tenner for every child I say has ADHD, £20 for autism? Wtf? There cannot be people navigating adult life who genuinely think like this 🙈🙈

If he hasn't been to nursery or any group activities without you, then it may be that he just hasn't clocked yet that he needs to follow her instructions. You're his parent so you will know instinctively how to 'manage' him and when to push and when to negotiate. He'll know how far he can push you before complying. And the answer will be...a lot further than he can push his teacher! Hence the problem.

Did your DS do any groups or activities without you before school? Attending nursery is obviously not crucial but if actually he's never been cared for by anyone but you, you must have foreseen that there might be a problem when he was catapulted into a large group situation without his parent there where he has to obey instructions? He'll get the hang of it but obviously it will be harder for him than children who have been used to group care from a range of different caregivers and authority figures and know the drill.

Behaviour of your child is unusual. The teacher was right to flag it up. You’ve got to concentrate on your child, not the teacher. She may as well be right and sooner you’ve got help, more your child will benefit. Even taken the age and circumstances, this behaviour is unusual. Could be nothing, could be something. Work on it and cooperate with the school.

@chiefstewwithpotatoes not material incentives for referring, but they may be otherwise incentivised to detect special needs in children, for example a special needs diagnosis for a child may come with more classroom support or other additional resources. Anyone with even a basic grasp of human psychology will tell you that behaviour can be incentivised without any intentionality or conscious decision-making. In any case, I simply raised the question, as this teacher was being unprofessional and cavalier in my opinion, perhaps think your responses through more carefully before you insult people.

@Nowhereelsetogo90 not material incentives, see my comment above.

It is good she's noticing and keeping an eye. Don't take it as criticism and don't panic! There is so much for them to take on board when starting school. My summer born DS spent very little time at pre-school because of health issues and he was slow to settle at school and make sense of being in a classroom situation.

I think that was your window to say 'we don't know of any SN but he's never been in a group setting before so he's got a lot to learn, I'll talk to him about listening for instructions and not leaving the classroom unless he's told to'. Think they're just checking that there's nothing that you know of, and so that they're not having unreasonable expectations of him or anything. I wouldn't worry, there's usually a first term parents' evening after they're more settled in where you could talk again and see if things have settled.