To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

I'm sure he just needs time to settle. It's unusual for parents to not even take up the free 15 hours of preschool so the other children are probably just more used to stricter rules and routines. Strange that the teacher is so concerned and flagging up special needs after two days, that sounds far too early. Well done to him for getting through the first few days, it's a big adjustment.

Have you explained to him that he needs to do as his teacher asks? If he has not been in a nursery setting he simply may not release this is what is expected of him and he can't wander around like he could at home.

It really isn't a big deal - just explain to him.

@daisy46 yes thank you. That's what concerned and confused me. I assumed time would've been given, for at least a week, before being presented with these concerns.

Those comments would have really bothered me when my daughter started reception if I am honest. I do think its just down to not attending nursery. They would say my child would just get up wander away at lunch etc in nursery but they nipped it in the bud before school.

This is why nursery is so important, IMO, as it teaches children how to behave in group situations and prepares them for school, so that the teachers can focus on learning, rather than behaviour. This is why we have the funded hours! "I can follow instructions" is on the school readiness checklist round here.

Did he have a lot of interaction with other kids before school, OP? Any classes that you didn't attend with him?

Why didn't you take up his funded hours? I do find it strange they mentioned special needs on his second day though.

A child who has never been to nursery will more oft than not be at a disadvantage than his peers when he starts school.

The Good news is he will catch on quickly. Hassle for the teachers though having one child who doesn’t know the ropes.

Is there a reason you didn’t send him to
nursery. I see a few people have asked you.

If the teacher doesn't know that your child has never been in any kind of organised setting where he's with a big group of other children, then yes, those behaviours are going to be really noticeable to her as being different from those of the other children, and it's perfectly valid that she want to check if there's a chance he has special needs. Yes, reception is to help them settle, but your child's teacher sees 30 children go through that process every year so she will have a good understanding of what is usual/unusual from a child starting school. Does she know he's one of the youngest too?

I understand why you feel a bit aggrieved, but try to be pleased that she's vigilant and is noticing that he's behaving differently from the other children, because it least it means she's observant and interested in him and what he needs. Definitely explain to her that he has never been in nursery or anything and that he's very young, so he might have more adjusting to do than other children.

OP you don't know if he has special needs /learning differences yet - we were sure ours didn't at that age, and turns out they both do. It isn't negative if your son does. And it has nothing to do with intelligence one way or another.

Placing that aside he's still just a tiny wee one and as you say, a late born child who hasn't gotten used to a school setting yet! It feels huge while you're in the cross hairs but honestly, it's good the teacher gives this level of feedback. Let your son keep at it as he might well adapt fine after a little while.

Well she is quite rightly checking out and eliminating possibilities, it really depends how much of a chat you managed to have with her before he started, it doesn’t sound as though you had much of an opportunity to discuss him with her, she will have had paper work and assessments from the nursery children but is having to start from scratch with yours without much information about his previous experience, possible health issues etc.

Eliminating SN and hearing loss is the first thing to do, no good getting to the end of the term and saying “ oh, we realise now why he wasn’t responding “ means they can start to encourage him to pay more attention, to listen and take part in activities.

It is an awful lot for a wee person to go from just being at home to being in a formal learning environment. Is he ready for school?

Maybe he could be doing with nursery this year and entering reception next year?

What drove the decision not to go to nursery?

I'd have a word with the teacher at next drop off / pick up.
Be clear that he is very young and has not been in nursery.
Talk to your DS about expectations in school.
Then keep in weekly contact as to how he is getting on.

I think they need to give him a bit more time, he's so little!

I assumed reception was basically crowd control for the first half term as they seemed to have to spend half the morning prising kids of their moms.

DS had just turned 4 when he started school but had been to nursery 3 days a week from 10 months old and happily followed all the new rules but became upset when other children didn't. He is still a bit rigid at just turned 11 so senior school could be interesting.

He's acting differently at school compared to when he's at home based on the teachers comments.

It's very common for children with SEND to behave differently in different settings. That being said, I wouldn't expect a child who has never experienced an Early Years or childcare setting and has only been looked after by immediate family to function as well at school as he does at home. Certainly not in the first couple of days! He must be finding it all very strange. I think he needs some time to settle before anyone can confidently say there are additional needs at play.

He's a summer baby. Even if he'd been to nursery it would be a massive change for him.
I don't agree with all the posters implying that a child who hasn't been to nursery is somehow deprived.
If I were you OP I'd speak to the teacher (not other staff) and ask her to bear in mind he has never been in a structured setting before and to make allowances for that.
And be prepared for him to be very, very tired at home.

A) several special needs issues really raise their head in a school environment when they wouldn't be seen/picked up/relevant in a home environment.
B) almost all children now will have attended nursery and he probably does stick out for not being used to that kind of situation.
C) my son's hearing is good in that he can hear stuff (food wrappers opening a mile off!) but he has hearing loss in one ear. The discrepancy between both ears means that he struggles in noisy environments. I would never have picked this up myself.

She asked me on both days if he has any special needs and that they were concerned he might have based on what I posted.

Nursery and school are very common times for special needs to be picked up and it's good teacher was checking for any known issues.

I found being summer born seemed to be worse for DS than even DD right at cut off date - and fact he's had no previous experience of structured environment and it will take time for him to settle - I'm sure his teacher was just ruling out that there weren't additional problems for him that she'd not been informed of rather than insinuating anything.

There are a few possibilities. One is a very impatient teacher, but that seems the least likely. Another is that because you haven’t dealt with him being in a structured environment before, you’re very sensitive to any feedback and have over interpreted what is being said and it’s the normal sort of feedback teachers give. Another is that he has been unusually uncompliant/shown no interest in the teacher/other kids. None of us know which it is. But it’s odd that you haven’t mentioned to the teacher that he hasn’t been in nursery, you definitely need to do that.

He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed.

Could it be a parenting issue? How do you handle him at home when he refuses to do as he is told?

This. You might not want him to have them but how do you know?
As for the refusal to follow instructions, if he has never been in an environment before where he has had to do as he's told, he is bound to find it difficult. He will probably have improved by half term.

strong willed the polite way of saying doesn't do anything you tell him.

I wouldn't worry, OP. He's very young and he's in a strange, noisy and busy environment for possibly the first time. I'm surprised the teachers are suggesting there's a problem without giving him time to get used to it. He'll soon settle - though if he's anything like my late August birthday boy, he'll be absolutely shattered at the end of each day!

The OP has told the school that he hasn't been to Nursery, so they should be making allowances. Perhaps the message hasn't got through to the Reception teacher for some reason - I'd make sure s/he knows asap.

After 2 days no teacher will be able to say special needs, if all they are noticing is what you have mentioned.
However, I would remind the teacher that your child has not been in a structured group setting, and therefore may need slightly longer than some of the others to adjust. Patience is key to any child learning how to follow instructions in a way that goes against what they are used to. i.e. not used to finishing up the activity just because the class needs to move on to the next, or eating only at designated times.
I would then be asking the teacher to meet with me after at least 3 weeks to see if there are still concerns.

How do you know for certain he doesn’t have any special needs? I’d listen to the teacher and take her views/advice on board. Teachers see so many children, they can spot issues very quickly.

This is what I would take from this message too.
You need to help him understand (gently and gradually) the behaviours expected at school.
It's not a criticism of him. It's an observation. The teacher is telling you so you know too and can help him by talking about this at home.