To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

I’m a teacher and I’ve had plenty of experience of children in their first year at school. After two days I wouldn’t be making a comment to a parent but I’d definitely be keeping an eye on a child who couldn’t follow a simple instruction or join others when requested to. I’d see how it goes for now but be open minded to the fact that the teacher will have seen this before and know what to look for. If your child needs any support then early intervention is better so don’t stress, it’s just about helping them as early as possible which leads to better future outcomes.

I think it would be worth getting his hearing and eyesight checked (via optometrist/audiology). Simple checks that could make such a difference if a problem is identified. He’s so young and not used to a formal setting so I’m sure he will settle in given time.

Are you sure the teacher was saying it in a judgemental way rather than just keeping you informed in case you could help or throw some light on your child’s behaviour? You may be reading it as criticism where none was meant. Your child’s teacher will be trying their best to support all the children and may just be letting you know in a kindly meant way that your child has been struggling with certain aspects of settling in, which I’m sure is common. Try not to take offence but respond in a positive way to the teacher.

In my experience school nursery is for getting used to the setting, learning to write their name, some letter and number formation, learning phonics and for some learning to read words. Reception is for learning to read books and to write sentences with support. This is obviously a massive simplification and there is much more to the curriculum.

As a parent I would be concerned by a 4 year old you have to repeatedly give instructions to before they respond.

I was told when Ds was in year 3 that he wasn’t suited to main stream school because he had scored 0 in all his exams and was below nursery standards.

The reason he scored 0 was because he couldn’t read the questions. Something the teacher had been told over and over but failed to grasp that could have had anything to do with his failure to write an answer.

Perhaps most of the other children have learned these things at nursery. I would not worry too much, the fact that the teacher has noticed he is bright is a definite positive. Chronological age makes a huge difference at this age. You could perhaps gently encourage DS to do what's expected at school by eg asking what the teacher told him to do today, reminding him to listen to his teacher, reinforcing messages such as staying in the classroom. He will soon get the hang of it - though he might be bored if he is very bright.

They would approach a child with diagnosed SEND differently to one that's never been in a group dynamic before. Sometimes information about SEND doesn't get passed on by preschools and nurseries, so she wanted to make sure there wasn't a breakdown in communication, something that can happen when people move from private to state or different countries in the UK, for example.

They now know there aren't any known additional needs, so they can approach in the knowledge he doesn't have experience of the environment and it could just be a simple settling in and teaching expectations, not an already diagnosed thing that they need to understand.

Please let the teacher and the TA know your child hasn't been to a nursery and remind them of his age. They can then help him to settle better.
It''s not 'deprivation' in not attending nursery. Nursery does help with structure and behavioural expectations - your child probably just needs time to learn classroom ways.

As a teacher myself, it's hard to offer comment without seeing the child in class. But it's posible that his behaviour has really stood out compared to the other children just in those two half days and the teacher is looking for possible explanations from the parent.

Teachers are not medical professionals. If they have concerns they should refer for assessment. My DC teacher insinuated she is autistic, two separate pediatricians categorically ruled it out as having absolutely no indications. She didn’t go to a group childcare setting until she was 3 and definitely doesn’t always know what to do. She was also the very youngest by 6 months. There is good research showing kids on the very young end are diagnosed with learning disabilities at a higher rate because they are showing age appropriate behavior in classroom full of older kids with different behaviors expectations.

Not being in nursery ever until age 4 will mean he takes a while to adjust, I’d ask the teacher what you can do at home to support and otherwise tell her to chill the f out and give him a few weeks!!

I will say there is a child in DC gymnastics who also apparently has never been to any group activities and his behavior is atrocious. His mum is there too though and it’s clearly because he has no boundaries or discipline. So maybe make sure you’re putting age appropriate boundaries in place…

If I was your DC's teacher, I would be concerned if he wasn't following instructions and they always had to be repeated. At 4, children are old enough to follow instructions the first time they are given.

I think the teacher has mentioned this to you too soon on and not given him enough time to settle in. But maybe this behaviour is standing out and it has surprised her.

Late summer born. I'd be tempted to push asap to see if he could go back and year and do nursery now, then go to reception september 2023

There is a world of difference between a teacher saying:
A) 'he isn't settling or responding to instructions, does he have any special needs?' [Checking whether there is something she needs to know]
and
B) 'he isn't settling or responding to instructions, I think he might have special needs' [Jumping to early conclusions]

My guess is the teacher said something more akin to A than B.

You have no experience of seeing your child in a class room environment so why second guess what the teacher is telling you? She may be prepping you for the fact he just won’t be ready to go full time with the other children.

Did you prepare him for school and explain that expectations are different ?

at Home:
You: Let's read a story
Child:I'd rather build Lego
You:Ok, let's play Lego instead.

at school:
Teacher: It's time for a story
child (thinks) : I'd rather play Lego
Child walks over to the carpet.

At home, it's ok to negotiate a different activity but most kids would know that a teacher request should be done and isn't a negotiation starting point like at home. This is why people take up pre-school/nursery spaces so that they learn some basic rules like sitting down on the carpet for a story.

Your son might get better with time but there is a chance that he might need support and it's great that the school are going to keep an eye on him. Remember that they've had 100s of children go through the gates so they are aware of what is "typical" and while they can't diagnose they know the people who can.

My ds is a late August born who went to nursery but was clearly less mature than many but it evened out in the long term both academically and socially.

OP, i fon't think you have set your child up well here. Being summer born and no nursery or pre school at all probably wasn't the best decision, even if you did a term of pre school or something to get him used to that sort of setting.

My DD has been in nursery since 9 months and i have still done extra things over past 3-6 months to help get her ready for what is expected of her at school to make sure she isn't too overwhelmed, and is able to follow the teachers instructions, and do what she needs to do independantly etc

Some children just aren’t ready for school especially if they’re summer born. Mine definitely wasn’t and there’s nothing wrong with pushing them back a year and giving them nursery experience while you wait - you’ll be eligible for free hours for the next year at a nursery.

Did you consider delaying his start to Reception by a year?
If that had been available when my ds was 4, I would have definitely gone for it.

Agree with @Hankunamatata if he’s only just turned 4 he won’t be compulsory school age until next September and so there is the option of him starting reception at CSA next year if the school are in agreement. And if not I would personally look for a school that would agree. There’s a Facebook group dedicated to this if you need more guidance

I just thought its only day 2 and children were supposed to be supported in getting settled and used to structure. There wasn't any time given before I was presented with these concerns.

They usually would expect behaviour appropriate for children who are still unsettled in their first couple of days, so the fact that they have felt the need to talk to you about it already shows that the problem goes further than that.

The teacher wouldn’t have asked you about SN on the first day for no reason.

Your ds will be behind the others if he never went to nursery. What did you do instead to try and help him be ready for school?

Schools expect school readiness, ie can count to 10
Can do own coat and shoes
Toilet independently
Use a knife and fork
Follow instructions

Staying in the room and listening are so basic as to not be on the list. Usually they send these to you soon after confirming your place and visit the child either at home or nursery / cm to monitor them. You surely knew these expectations before sending him?

Surely the teacher is just trying to understand why he isn't following instructions.

E. G Does he have special needs?

To which you reply. No but he's never been to nursery and therefore hasn't been in a group setting before.

That way the teacher knows what she is dealing with.

It's very rare for 15 hours not be be taken up and therefore the vast majority of children will have been in some form of setting. The purpose of the 15 hours is to get them used to a group setting, following instructions etc.

And almost all preschools do school readiness the term before. Eg get changed independently for PE. Lunchtime.

(This is absolutely not me saying he should have gone to nursery. I just want to say that in case it reads like that.)

What was the reason he didn't go to nursery - was it due to his personality etc? Or just you didn't want him to (perfectly reasonable).