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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he is a prick or am I being petulant.

267 replies

deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:07

Granted , I'm exhausted and hormones are fucked so I didn't say much on our two hour journey in the car.
We have arrived at our destination , a pretty town renowned for its food and atmosphere and are staying ina. Stunning hotel.
We have business to attend to in this town tomorrow.
My partner and I are together for the last two years. We don't live together but spend every weekend together.
We both have kids and full time work etc.
For the last year, he has been coming to mine as he essentially lost his home to divorce and rents are so astronomical that firstly a house cannot be got and secondly , he couldn't afford one for himself and his kids, on top of maintenance etc.
He lives with family for now.
So he has come to mine every weekend.
This is not a problem. I loathe to leave my home at weekends when my kids are at their dads and my partner and we split costs well.
I do crave a weekend away or a holiday but for many reasons that I won't go into, it's not possible. He is presently unwell.

So we are here and when we get here, despite staying in a stunning room in a stunning town, he lays on the bed and flicks on the tv. I also lay on the bed. I'm wrecked and again very unbalanced hormonally.
He passed some comments when I got excited about being here , to the effect of ... it's only a bed/ hotel room.

We're not even paying for it .. company card!

I felt he was a fun sponge and said it.
I said a few hours ago that i wasn't hungry right then when he asked about dinner plans.
Then after nine, I asked what we'd do for dinner.
He announced that the bar was closed( for food)
He knew this, I didn't .
He doesn't have a great appetite right now.
We had an argument.
He suggested I take his car and drive up town to get food for myself.
I feel like finishing with him.
The thoughtlessness, the selfishness and the pure self absorption.
I just want to go home but we have to stay for this event tomorrow .
AIBU ?

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 01/09/2022 22:10

Do you work with him?

What “business” is keeping you from just walking out?

BeetrootBeetrootGhali · 01/09/2022 22:10

Poor bloke.

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:11

We only have one car and yes we work together at times. We are here for company for each other and a night away aswell as business.
Well, we were ...

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 01/09/2022 22:11

When you say he’s unwell at the moment what do you mean? ( because I suspect my answer might depend on this information)

RustySwitchblade · 01/09/2022 22:12

Not sure what the fuss is about

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:12

He is conscious of socialising and would prefer not to eat out

OP posts:
Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:13

In general I mean

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 01/09/2022 22:13

deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:12

He is conscious of socialising and would prefer not to eat out

Really? How on earth did you manage dating then?

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:14

This is our first night ever away at a hotel in two years. I was so excited despite circumstances.
I feel disappointed

OP posts:
Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:14

@DenholmElliot1 as I said, we stay at mine at weekends.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 01/09/2022 22:14

I don’t really understand the argument. He asked you what you wanted to do for dinner, you said you weren’t hungry, then at 9pm you wanted dinner but he wasn’t hungry and said you should go get food? That sounds like a non issue really. What was the argument?

DenholmElliot1 · 01/09/2022 22:15

YABU to say you're not hungry at dinner time and then suddenly decide you want to eat at 9 o clock at night on a Thursday in a small town.

One of you is definately a prick.

What do you mean you are very unbalanced hormonally? What exactly is wrong with you?

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:16

The argument is that we are in a rare night away.. he threw himself in the bed to watch tv( same ole same ole) and despite knowing when food was finished and despite us planning to go for dinner tonight, announced after closing that the restaurant was closed .
It all seems in his terms

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 01/09/2022 22:16

deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:14

@DenholmElliot1 as I said, we stay at mine at weekends.

But you must have dated to start with? He didn't just show up out of nowhere and stay at your house for the week-end did he

CrystalCoco · 01/09/2022 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:18

I am on hrt for the past year and it's not absorbing. I am back in the throes of meno with hot flushes , deep anxiety and low mood and fucked up joints.
I have large fibroids and am all over the place hence why I wrote this post .
Thanks for responses

OP posts:
itsCORN · 01/09/2022 22:18

yabu. he doesn’t sound like the prick in this scenario. Actually now I’m wondering if this is a reverse

DelphiniumBlue · 01/09/2022 22:19

Are you in a UK town? Because lots of places are not going to be open if you don't start going out to eat till after nine, especially midweek.
Clearly you were being petulant, as you have suggested, refusing to make a dinner plan because you "weren't hungry" at the time, presumably in response to him flopping on the bed and funsponging. You say he wasn't well, so maybe that was why he was miserable. If you were tired and hormonal, then maybe that contributed.
TBH it sounds a silly argument over nothing much.

Yellowblanketofdoom · 01/09/2022 22:19

Do you ever go out and do anything together? Or does he just go to yours every weekend for a shag, a meal and some company?

I have a horrible feeling I already know the answer. I don't think I'd like a relationship like that TBH.

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:20

It's absolutely not a reverse.
I'm sick and tired of all of our lives spent watching tv and eating and sleeping in my home.
I was so excited to get away from it all and it is like we swopped one bedroom for another ... lying in the bed, watching tv all evenings

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 01/09/2022 22:22

Poor bloke.

Original poster
deeplydisappointed · 01/09/2022 22:23

Yes we do lots together normally.
We are the very best of friends and lovers.
We spend time with our families , our friends , walk, swim, gigs, games and see different places.
However this past few months have been terribly taxing on us due to his illness.
We are not a fwb. We are partners but it doesn't feel like this tonight.

OP posts:
wackamole · 01/09/2022 22:24

It seems OK to me - not great, but you knew his activities were limited by his sickness, right? And the "just a room" is a little Eeyore-ish, but I also wouldn't want someone to fein excitement.

If you think he deliberately didn't mention the bar closing at 9 that's a bit mean, but perhaps he thought you knew/would have checked? it sounds like he was willing to go out with you earlier.

I'm guessing there's nowhere in walking distance since he suggested taking the car - can you order something for delivery if you don't want to go out on your own?

HangOnToYourself · 01/09/2022 22:28

I think you are a bit hormonal and hungry and its making you overreact. This happens to us all from time to time. There might be deeper issues here about compatibility you need to work on but no is this situation I dont think he has really done anything wrong.

SeaToSki · 01/09/2022 22:29

He sounds like a fun sponge and thoughtless that he didnt think to say - hey you know if you want to eat something at some point, the restaurant closes in 20 mins

You sound at the end of your rope with hormones and not having the social life you were hoping for

Are you as compatible as you thought long term if you like to go out once a week ish and he really doesnt want to, ever?