To think he is a prick or am I being petulant.

[deeplydisappointed]

Granted , I'm exhausted and hormones are fucked so I didn't say much on our two hour journey in the car.
We have arrived at our destination , a pretty town renowned for its food and atmosphere and are staying ina. Stunning hotel.
We have business to attend to in this town tomorrow.
My partner and I are together for the last two years. We don't live together but spend every weekend together.
We both have kids and full time work etc.
For the last year, he has been coming to mine as he essentially lost his home to divorce and rents are so astronomical that firstly a house cannot be got and secondly , he couldn't afford one for himself and his kids, on top of maintenance etc.
He lives with family for now.
So he has come to mine every weekend.
This is not a problem. I loathe to leave my home at weekends when my kids are at their dads and my partner and we split costs well.
I do crave a weekend away or a holiday but for many reasons that I won't go into, it's not possible. He is presently unwell.

So we are here and when we get here, despite staying in a stunning room in a stunning town, he lays on the bed and flicks on the tv. I also lay on the bed. I'm wrecked and again very unbalanced hormonally.
He passed some comments when I got excited about being here , to the effect of ... it's only a bed/ hotel room.

We're not even paying for it .. company card!

I felt he was a fun sponge and said it.
I said a few hours ago that i wasn't hungry right then when he asked about dinner plans.
Then after nine, I asked what we'd do for dinner.
He announced that the bar was closed( for food)
He knew this, I didn't .
He doesn't have a great appetite right now.
We had an argument.
He suggested I take his car and drive up town to get food for myself.
I feel like finishing with him.
The thoughtlessness, the selfishness and the pure self absorption.
I just want to go home but we have to stay for this event tomorrow .
AIBU ?

I get what you are saying Op.
He sounds like a bore and is taking you for granted.
Do you mean he doesnt want to go out at weekends?

Edit: I know you drove there,but just sitting in the passenger seat is exhausting. Just sitting upright is really tiring for me.

I think you're a tad unreasonable. But I also think that despite your assurances that you are 'partners and best friends' all may not be as well as you think.

Sometimes, the events that we think are going to special are just not. Sometimes it's the unplanned that brings the most happiness.

Did you tell him your expectations or have any discussion what the night would look like ?

Wow...you're very self-absorbed OP!! It's all about you and what you want, when you want it, isn't it! You're like a petulant child...grow up!

So he drove two hours, but you lay on the Vedic wrecked?

You both sound like you're playing misery top trumps!

He is a man of simple tastes but is not great in compromise.
Sounds like he’s compromised his physical health to be there. What have you compromised? Certainly not your right to throw your toys out of the pram when things don’t work exactly how you like. You instantly became passive aggressive when you realised his physical health would limit the weekend (by him flopping on the bed). He asked what dinner plans were, you said you weren’t hungry then but offered up no plans or even a hint that you would want to go out for food at such a late hour, then got stroppy when the bar was closed and he was too tired to go out. You could have easily said “I’m not hungry now but I probably will be in a few hours so would like to go x place then he would have been prepared for going out. When you have a chronic illness surprise things like going out for a meal at 9pm absolutely throw you as you’ve not reserved energy for it and aren’t prepared.

He ont he other hand is happy to sleep, eat, watch tv and have a gentle walk since his illness
It sounds like this is all he is mentally and physically capable of. You don’t sound very empathetic to his personal circumstances. For both your sakes I would finish with him. You’re clearly not fulfilled in the relationship and don’t have the capacity to be with someone with a chronic illness, and he needs someone more understanding of his physical limitations and not someone who drags him out of his comfort zone and then gets angry when he can’t perform.

I said a few hours ago that i wasn't hungry right then when he asked about dinner plans.
Then after nine, I asked what we'd do for dinner.

YABU. Everyone knows that restaurants, especially in hotels, are closed pretty much from 9 onwards in small towns.

I had it built up in MY head that it would be a romantic night away . Away from
My home , kids, stress of every day life

And at any point did you tell him this. In actual words? He's not a mind reader, and if he's ill he's probably really not up for shenanegins.

Sorry you're disappointed OP but you need to talk about stuff not just build it up in your head.

I'm sick and tired of all of our lives spent watching tv and eating and sleeping in my home.

Yes we do lots together normally.
We are the very best of friends and lovers.
We spend time with our families , our friends , walk, swim, gigs, games and see different places.
However this past few months have been terribly taxing on us due to his illness.

Well you are the one who sounds selfish, thoughtless and full of self absorption. So you normally do loads together until the last few months when he has been dealing with a serious illness. He made the effort to try to make plans for dinner with you and you were grumpy and refused. You could have had a lovely meal out but your own mood ruined it. Did you really expect to be able to suddenly go out for a meal as soon as you clicked your fingers at 9pm?

I don’t doubt his illness is taxing but if he is the one who is sick he will ultimately be suffering more than you. It sounds like he is trying his best.

Why are you with him? He sounds like a drain on your energy. He uses your house as a comfortable base away from living with his family. Dump him and enjoy your own space and relaxation. Find a partner who is more energetic and engaging.

I hear you OP, this R has nothing going for it. I'd end it.

Also you being hormonal and ill, him being ill, and you both probably being hangry, sounds like a recipe for any break going wrong. I'd personally throw in the towel on the R, have a fresh start and throw your efforts into trying to feel better and healthier.

I think you both could’ve made more decisions about when/where to eat when you arrived. In fairness to him he asked what you’d like to do for dinner but you weren’t interested at that time. You said you were quiet in the car and maybe he read that as not being enthusiastic? Having a quick romantic break can take a bit of forward planning especially when both parties have ongoing health issues.

Maybe you can sit down and talk about what sorts of things you’d both like to do in future. A short non work break away where you both get to plan a nice meal out? See how he responds and if he’s not interested then maybe it’s time to consider your options?

@stillvicarinatutu Going against the grain - for one - one night - would it really have killed him to get a lift down to the restaurant to have dinner with his partner ???? Then get a lift back to the room ? Yes ME is tiring and debilitating but he's managed to get in the car and presumably is going to the business event ?

He tried to make dinner plans with her quite soon after getting to the hotel though. OP was in a mood and refused to engage with him until 9pm.

Thanks everybody.
He's refusing to speak to me because I left the room and him for two hours.
Just want to go home now.

Personally, I couldn't be bothered with this relationship.

Sorry I see you drove, but honestly you both still sound like competition misery.

So let me get this straight.

You are on a business trip which you though was also a romantic trip (but didn’t even mention that to DH)

DH asked about food and you said you didn’t want anything and then at 9pm you decided you did and because things had closed it’s DH fault

you walk out for 2 hours and it’s somehow DH fault that he’s annoyed with you.

OP hormone therapy is not an excuse for poor communication and not taking on any personal responsibility

You sound completely unsympathetic to his illness. You changed your mind about dinner and have managed to blame him for it, not giving a thought about having a very late dinner might be doubly exhausting for someone with a chronic illness when they got to be at a work event the next day. You’ve built this night up in your head but didn’t tell him, for him this may well be nothing but a work do which is understandable.

YABU

You sound awful

He asked you about dinner and you said no, as you weren't hungry

The man has an ME style illness and therefore when you mention dinner again at 9 he isn't up for it but says you go and get something

You're pissed about this

I don't have an illness and still wouldn't be up for going out for dinner after 9. You seem to want accommodations for being hormonal but don't seem willing to do the same for a far worse illness on his end

Save him the trouble and leave.

It sounds like this relationship might not be right for either of you any more.

What is your ‘business’ arrangement? Do you work together? Share a business? Are you both employees?

You need to get back on the same page and have a good talk about last night. Some nights just don't work out and it sounds like you both have a lot going on tbh. Regardless of whether the relationship survives I think you both could do with support from each other right now? Have a chat, say last night was rotten for both of you, ask him how he is today and tell him how you are. If he doesn't respond then at least you have made an effort although I hope he starts talking to you soon as that isn't healthy at all. And isn't something I would be able to tolerate for long.

In what way did you leave the room? To find the local open McD, or to sulk and punish him?

The argument is that we are in a rare night away.. he threw himself in the bed to watch tv( same ole same ole) and despite knowing when food was finished and despite us planning to go for dinner tonight, announced after closing that the restaurant was closed .
It all seems in his terms^
^

You planned to go for dinner but you weren't hungry at the time dinner usually is? 9pm is normally when service stops in places anyway, it seems you haven't planned ahead so its no one's fault really.

@Testina I went to get food and walked to the town centre , came back had a glass of wine and went to bed.

Good morning, I hope today is a better one for you 💚