To think he is a prick or am I being petulant.

[deeplydisappointed]

Granted , I'm exhausted and hormones are fucked so I didn't say much on our two hour journey in the car.
We have arrived at our destination , a pretty town renowned for its food and atmosphere and are staying ina. Stunning hotel.
We have business to attend to in this town tomorrow.
My partner and I are together for the last two years. We don't live together but spend every weekend together.
We both have kids and full time work etc.
For the last year, he has been coming to mine as he essentially lost his home to divorce and rents are so astronomical that firstly a house cannot be got and secondly , he couldn't afford one for himself and his kids, on top of maintenance etc.
He lives with family for now.
So he has come to mine every weekend.
This is not a problem. I loathe to leave my home at weekends when my kids are at their dads and my partner and we split costs well.
I do crave a weekend away or a holiday but for many reasons that I won't go into, it's not possible. He is presently unwell.

So we are here and when we get here, despite staying in a stunning room in a stunning town, he lays on the bed and flicks on the tv. I also lay on the bed. I'm wrecked and again very unbalanced hormonally.
He passed some comments when I got excited about being here , to the effect of ... it's only a bed/ hotel room.

We're not even paying for it .. company card!

I felt he was a fun sponge and said it.
I said a few hours ago that i wasn't hungry right then when he asked about dinner plans.
Then after nine, I asked what we'd do for dinner.
He announced that the bar was closed( for food)
He knew this, I didn't .
He doesn't have a great appetite right now.
We had an argument.
He suggested I take his car and drive up town to get food for myself.
I feel like finishing with him.
The thoughtlessness, the selfishness and the pure self absorption.
I just want to go home but we have to stay for this event tomorrow .
AIBU ?

You were excited and wanting to enjoy a break from the normal routine. This was a great opportunity to be together in a new stimulating environment. No kids. No domestic round. And he's brought all the mundane pressures and miseries of life with him - boom, right there, lying around watching tv.

I'd be pissed off too. But I'd have made it my business to know when the restaurant shut tbh. Is there room service?

Yes but I am sick of having to arrange stuff . Why didn't he book a
Restaurant for later ?
I think I'm very unbalanced but probably getting seriously fed up of us not being able to do what we always did.
Cancelled gigs/ holidays/ party's. Him having no home of his own.
It's probably just getting on top if me

I get it, OP - for once, you're not in your home doing the same stuff you do every weekend and would just like to try something new. He gets to 'visit' yours every weekend, so gets a change of scene and probably enjoys the 'freedom's your place if he's living with family.

So YANBU and I think it's really shit that he showed no enthusiasm at all for spending some time in a different place with his friend and lover.

So if the majority of the time it's really good then what are you doing on here moaning about him? It's surely not up to him to work out when restaurants shut and if he knew you'd change your mind about eating? I think you need to reflect on what's happened, get off here and not waste the rest of your night.

I'm sitting downstairs outside with a large wine reading a fucking magazine from the local shop. He's texting wondering if I'm
Ok
Luckily the bed is enormous or I'd throttle him !!!!!

@SanFranBear you've nailed it !

Sorry OP but I think YABU.

Just because he didn’t want to eat didn’t mean you couldn’t. Just because he wanted to lay on the bed didn’t mean you couldn’t go out and explore.

I know it’s nice to have the same interests and both be on the same wavelength, so I can completely agree understand how you feel. But, it seems you’re just not compatible.

What is his Illness? He can’t be that Ill or you wouldn’t have gone away?

but without knowing how Ill he is, it’s hard to say who’s unreasonable!

Maybe you're right @FlissyPaps . We were compatible
Up to his illness .
We met through covid so had no choice but to bunker down and enjoy the meals, the quiz nights and long tv sessions but straight after that he got sick.
We've never got our own rhythm is that makes sense.

It sounds like he’s been impacted quite heavily by his health.

What’s the nature of his illness?

Sounds like a storm in a teacup.

His illness is like an ME

The nature of his illness makes a big difference as to whether he's being a prick or not.

He seems dead inside.
Like all his zest for life is gone.

Why did you think it was his responsibility to know about when the restaurant closed, couldn’t you have checked that yourself?

This all sounds like it’s blown out of proportion unnecessarily tbh, if you’re hungry order a pizza or something?

It was meant to be a romantic night away aswell as a business trip.
I'm afraid when I saw him throw himself
Down on the bed and turn in the tv, I flipped inside .
I know that if I'd suggested a walk, a dinner and a browse around it would have been a flat no.
His way or the highway lately.

We are holed up in my house every weekend for the last year. I was like a school child with excitement at the freedom and change of scenery.
What a disappointment.

It sounds like you expect a lot of leniency for your hormonal issues, but don’t give him the same consideration for his condition.

Who drove? If it was him, he was probably wrecked after it.

I drove

You should have gone out earlier anyway and had drinks or a light meal. Who waits till 9 to decide they’re hungry!! If this was me I’d have planned where we were going for dinner and made a reservation. Reservation for 8, pre drinks at 7. Then you know to make sure you’re hungry for 8!

Why didn't you just go out for dinner when he suggested it, instead of laying on this twisted passive aggressive headfuckery?

Does he know that you were hoping for a romantic break?
Is it possible that he thought you were simply going to a business conference together and making the most of it by enjoying a fancy hotel?
Is his ME type illness impacting him insofar as he doesn't have much energy during the evening towards the end of the working week? Might he be thinking he'd conserve his energy for the conference tomorrow?
You told him you weren't hungry earlier. Did you say that you'd like to eat later so make a booking? Or did you simply say you weren't hungry and he assumed this meant you wouldn't want to eat tonight?

It sounds as though you may be over reacting and not considering his health and his inability to read your mind.

But I admit that I'd probably react the same as you 😆. I'd expect him to mindread that I was hoping he'd romance me on a rare trip away from home and family. And I'd be pissed that he didn't have the same romantic intentions but was more interested in the number of channels on the hotel tv.

Go find something to eat, even if it's just a sandwich from a petrol station. Start again tomorrow.

But he would t have agreed to that !!!
No pre drinks, simple fast dinner and back to hotel.
No passive aggressive stuff. I spoke
My mind .

OP, how did you expect (or hope) to spend the evening?

Given what you've said about how he's changed since becoming ill, it's hard to imagine he would have done anything other than flop on the bed and watch TV.

Yes I see that point of view .
I had it built up in MY head that it would be a romantic night away . Away from
My home , kids, stress of every day life .
I am sick of our plans being shattered due to his illness .
Maybe this is the issue.
I'm getting bored and impatient despite the fact that I love him.