Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

Do I pay for the damage I caused?

395 replies

GogglesM · 01/09/2022 21:14

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:

cocktailclub · 01/09/2022 21:20

Erm not move in with him? If he knows about the difference in your salaries and is happy to put you under financial pressure for no real reason then I wouldn't be going into any kind of more permanent relationship with him. He'll be out partying while you stay home at this rate.

Pebblebeach15 · 01/09/2022 21:20

In my option it is a bit late now . You offered and he turned you down . If he has already had it repaired along with other scuffs and marks would the insurance company even accept a guesstimate of repairing your specific damage and how would you explain the delay ?

OnaBegonia · 01/09/2022 21:22

Nothing less attractive than a tight fisted man. Earns over £100k and is asking for £300 after 18mths, do not buy a house with him.

Lannielou · 01/09/2022 21:24

Don't move in with him, the Financial disparity will always exist

Dotcheck · 01/09/2022 21:24

I think it doesn’t say much about his generosity. You offered to go through insurance, but he is thinking more about his no claims stays than how easily you can afford it.

And this is at the point of you guys moving in together. Are you going to be roommates or partners?

Dotcheck · 01/09/2022 21:25

status not stays!

Suzi9989 · 01/09/2022 21:28

Does he know you can't afford £300?
How will the income gap work when you move in together? Once you own a property, you may not be able to get top up with benefits?

Be careful and don't get into a situation you will be stuck financially

SolasAnla · 01/09/2022 21:28

If you are both buying a house how is he proposing to split the payments and the ownership?

Has he discussed you being pregnant, the costs of raising children and how that would be financed and how your time would be compensated?

If he is looking for £300 from an accident that long ago when he had written off the cost, you really need to sit down and write a detailed analysis of what could go wrong in both your lives and what financial planning is needed for each incident because he clearly sees the financial end of your relationship remaining separate.

Pippa12 · 01/09/2022 21:30

Run away now while you’ve got the chance, otherwise you’ll be posting on here with two children and only the child benefit to live off whilst he swans around in a Ferrari and holidaying in the Maldives.

devildeepbluesea · 01/09/2022 21:31

Thank your lucky stars he’s shown you what a mean bastard he is, fuck him off and don’t give him a penny.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 01/09/2022 21:32

No, he doesn’t have the right attitude. He doesn’t have the right to dictate how you pay for your mistake, even if it was his car. He had the chance to go through insurance and he didn’t.

Personally I think you should tell him straight that you think he’s taking the piss, but you could, if you have to, offer to pay him the equivalent amount of your insurance excess.

Lippyass · 01/09/2022 21:32

Of course you pay for the damage you caused.

dudsville · 01/09/2022 21:34

You need to talk with him. On the one hand, like others here have alreaday said, this doesn't bode well. But there could be a concern he hasn't shared, perhaps he's anxious about whether you're with him for his money. You don't come across that way at all to me, I'm just saying he may have some worry that a talk could resolve. If not then it's a red flag.

FictionalCharacter · 01/09/2022 21:42

Lippyass · 01/09/2022 21:32

Of course you pay for the damage you caused.

After all this time? When he told her at the time she didn’t have to? If he wanted her to pay he should have accepted her offer at the time.

BeetrootBeetrootGhali · 01/09/2022 21:43

Do not buy a house with this man. You have huge income disparity already, and I assume you’ll be worse off of living together means you lose benefits?

He’s not a team player.

Lippyass · 01/09/2022 21:44

FictionalCharacter · 01/09/2022 21:42

After all this time? When he told her at the time she didn’t have to? If he wanted her to pay he should have accepted her offer at the time.

Show quote history

Yes

misspiggy44 · 01/09/2022 21:46

Nah if you're a couple then at some point it should be 'our' money not mine/yours. You offered at the time, he said no. The relationship has progressed since then and it's really odd that he's asking for a contribution now. I'd find it very offputting.

DrawingdowntheMoon · 01/09/2022 21:48

Yes - to paying for the damage you caused.

No - to buying a house with him. You aren't on the same page financially which could caused all sorts of problems.

carefullycourageous · 01/09/2022 21:48

OnaBegonia · 01/09/2022 21:22

Nothing less attractive than a tight fisted man. Earns over £100k and is asking for £300 after 18mths, do not buy a house with him.

This this this.

He sounds like a dickhead, sorry. You can do a lot better. It never gets better once married.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 01/09/2022 21:50

Lippyass · 01/09/2022 21:44

Yes

Show quote history

Why? He's already said no and moved on. You can't change your mind that long after

Shade17 · 01/09/2022 21:50

offer to pay him the equivalent amount of your insurance excess.

Why a random figure?

Charlize43 · 01/09/2022 21:51

Earns 100K and can't afford to pay £300? Bin him.

Itwasntright · 01/09/2022 21:53

Its too late to claim through the insurance. Its already been repaired and it wasn't reported at the time. You offered a solution at the time that he didn't want to take up, so it's his own fault for not getting sorted at the time. I wouldn't buy a house with him.

RandomUsernameHere · 01/09/2022 21:54

OnaBegonia · 01/09/2022 21:22

Nothing less attractive than a tight fisted man. Earns over £100k and is asking for £300 after 18mths, do not buy a house with him.

This!

Fairylightsongs · 01/09/2022 21:54

Three hundred of a one hundred bill sounds fine to me. How much is your excess?

does he know you are poor and can’t afford it?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16