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Original poster

Do I pay for the damage I caused?

395 replies

GogglesM · 01/09/2022 21:14

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
ScarlettSunset · 04/09/2022 12:14

Kashmirsilver · 04/09/2022 12:04

Why should anyone subside another choice?
Or in this case willful damage.

It was an accident. And the OP offered to go through the insurance when it happened. The damage has now been repaired and the OP has no way of knowing how much the damage actually cost to repair as it was repaired alongside other damage that was nothing at all to do with them with no breakdown of that specific part.

loopycurtains · 04/09/2022 13:54

Pretty sure OP has long since left the building...

Lulu49 · 04/09/2022 19:27

id tell him to fuck off to fucksville

Lulu49 · 04/09/2022 19:35

Actually it wasn’t just damage that she caused that was repaired. The OP clearly stated that ALL the scrapes/scratches on the car including the ones she caused were repaired amounting in total to £1000

oneproudmumma · 04/09/2022 22:31

loopycurtains · 04/09/2022 13:54

Pretty sure OP has long since left the building...

Too many home truths here, think deep down she doesn't want to hear them 🫣

llizzie · 04/09/2022 23:53

ScarlettSunset ·

Exactly. Why would he? Yet he asked for it 18 months later. He has not forgotten about it, has he?

caringcarer · 05/09/2022 00:17

You will.nrver be happy with him. You know that now, right? He showed you just who he is. Pay him £150 then dump him.

NaturalBae · 05/09/2022 12:29

OP - I’ve only read your posts.

Major red flags! There’s no way you should even be contemplating buying a house with this man.

OMG! Imagine if you were to then to have children with someone like this = Dump him.

Women have no business being with men like this.

Palmfrond · 05/09/2022 14:03

He earns £100k+ and he’s trying to skank his girlfriend for £300?

He should shrivel up for shame. Yuck.

MooDee12 · 13/09/2022 00:59

GogglesM · 01/09/2022 22:03

It makes me feel very uneasy. I offered to sort it at the time. I find it really strange that he's asked for the money so long after the event; I definitely wouldn't do that, even asking a friend I'd feel like a CF. Our relationship has developed so much too, to the point were meant to be aiming to be a team and buy a house together.

I wouldn't say I am poor. I have managed to save a little amount of money, I'm a spend thrift and go without a lot of luxuries that most people consider normal For example, I only have Freeview, and I don't pay for any other TV channels or streaming, I shop at Aldi etc. He knows about my small amount of savings because we are meant to be buying a house together. I have stressed to him how worried I am about money in the next few months, and how I expect to have little to no savings left after this winter, with my fuel bill expected to rise to £400 per month. I also want to add that I do lots of favours for him too, for instance I let him borrow my car for the day whilst his was being repaired, he had to drive quite some distance and now my cars tank is almost empty (not that I would expect or ask him to replace the fuel anyway)! I just find the whole thing odd.

Please do not move in with him. Make moves to cut all ties 🚩

MooDee12 · 13/09/2022 01:03

Beelezebub · 02/09/2022 20:46

So he knows you’re going to burn through your savings this winter paying your fuel bills and he earns over 100k, he borrowed your car and returned it with an empty tank and no mention of any petrol money, is fully aware of your financial position because you’re supposed to be buying a house together, but he wants £300 for a scratch you cause 18 months ago and can’t show you an itemised bill for the work?

What a prize twat he sounds.

This

Mama2910 · 13/09/2022 02:10

If he is struggling to afford £300 when he gets paid £100k then he's either a total tight arse or he has serious financial issues. Is he in a lot of debt you maybe don't know about? Either way sounds like he's potentially not the one to be buying a house with. As someone else said it doesn't sound like he is going to be keen to be fair when paying bills etc.

I pay 1/3 of our bills and my husband 2/3 as he earns almost 3 times more than me...doesn't sound like this guy will think about it like that.

Boxowine · 13/09/2022 03:26

Nope, brazen it out

PaulaLDr · 13/09/2022 06:58

if you move in with him, this will get worse! His plucked a random figure out the air for you to contribute when he told you 18 months ago you didn’t need to pay anything. Jog him on, fast

PeachyIsThinking · 13/09/2022 07:35

Obvious this is old now and for the sake of debate and all- go to your insurance. He wants it covered- well he should have taken that at the time as offered not changed his mind- but you can’t afford it so phone your insurers and look into doing it that way. I know mid wouldn’t cover due to time elapsed but that was his choice so that’s the message that gets passed on “immediately sorry, you left it too long for the claim”.

As for staying with him- well all the red flags etc but sounds like a poor idea to me.

Oh2weealone · 13/09/2022 10:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 13/09/2022 11:36

No way should the OP phone her insurance company now! Most insurance companies say that you must inform them of any such incidents (that might lead to a claim) as soon as possible after they happen - it could well invalidate her insurance and lead to other legal problems if she tells them now.

I'm confused by all the posters suggesting that it would have cost her £150 if she'd gone through her insurance company at the time. No it wouldn't. She'd have had to pay the £150 excess to get her own car repaired, but ZERO to fix his. And there would have been an impact on her No Claims Bonus, but not on his.

As others have said, this has raised a bunch of red flags, about the relationship/ his true earnings and financial situation/ the possibility of him having gambling problems, and she'd be well advised to walk away from living together/ buying a house together/ marrying this man.

Mummyoftwolittleones · 14/09/2022 18:32

alarm bells are sounding for me… doesn’t sound like a partnership, I can’t stand these types of relationships, I wouldn’t be going onto the next step if it were I. Personally my husband and I share our monies and talk openly about it, I earn a lot more than he does but it doesn’t matter because we both talk about our finances and share each other’s cash, I wouldn’t see him short and nor he with me. It was an accident what you did, I’d deffo swerve the insurance as it all feels a little formal to me, like any couple you’d just see what’s happened, cost it up and get it sorted as a partnership together. For peace I’d explain that you’re peeved this wasn’t discussed sooner but cough up the cash and just close the whole thing off…. Then decide whether he’s right for you as like I say this shouts alarm bells, especially before you’ve got a house.., think of all the other situations that could occur, it’ll never be an even or fair partnership with this approach

Sophfreddie · 14/09/2022 20:56

Not helpful I know, but, my boyfriend wouldn't ask...

Cinderella1 · 14/09/2022 23:07

OP, I see two obvious possibilities: either he's just a very selfish penny pincher or he's lying about his money situation. Either way, it stinks and I wouldn't trust him. Wishing you luck in whatever you do!

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