Do I pay for the damage I caused?

[GogglesM]

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

🚩🚩🚩

I would address it head on at this point to be honest.

"I offered to pay at the time and you declined. You know I'm struggling at the moment. Why are you asking me for repair money that you know I can't afford? Are we not a team?"

His reply will be very telling.

@SproutsAtChristmas I would have asked him to pay at the time or gone through the insurance if it was important to me, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to pay for something they did 18 months ago. He didn't want to get it repaired at the time, so I've also missed the opportunity to get the damage the scrape caused to my own car fixed through insurance too.

Nope, you offered at the time he declined. You said you'd go through insurance, he declined. He can't change his mind 18 months down the line and say welllllll actually....especially if you are a couple and at the point of moving in together (which I would advise against). AND on top of that he earns 100k so really doesn't need to ask you for the money so long after it happened....

Alarm bells.

When you move in together will he want more expensive options than freeview for example and then expect you to pay half?

Reiterate to him you cannot afford £300. It's insurance, a payment plan or nothing.

See what he says about it. I think you need the conversation in person though, not via messages. That way you can make a true judgement about the future of the relationship. Text messages can be misconstrued easily.

If he is sitting with you face to face and genuinely can't grasp that you can't afford it then that doesn't bode well for your future relationship.

How much is your excess and have you got a no claims bonus?

Also it's too late to go through insurance if he's fixed it isn't it?

You have been blessed with a big red flag before you take the next step with him.

Oh cmon. She caused 1k of damage, he’s paying 700 of it. She’s likely got excess . I’d eat my hat if it’s not about 300,or more.

I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k.

And yet he's asked you for £350 towards it 18 months later? While you're trying to buy a house together?

Run.

This

Ah ok cross posted. Ask for the breakdown. How much is your excess?

He's said there is no breakdown of costs, the bill is not itemised, so he can't tell me the exact amount.

My excess is £150.

How much is your excess op?

Ok then tell him you will,pay 150.

Tell him you want a payment plan offer him a quid aweek

Pay the £150.
Then sit down and have proper chat about proportionality of funding based on earnings. I'd run a mile if he expected 50/50

Don't pay him, dump the tight fisted git.

Is he this tight generally?

He knows you’re on a tight budget but still used up all your petrol and didn’t replace it. That was rude and thoughtless of him.
If you are seriously considering buying a house with him, have a proper conversation with him about how the bills are going to be split. Are they going to be proportional or is he expecting everything to be 50/50?
If you are uncomfortable talking about money with him, he is not the man for you. Don’t let him take advantage of your good nature.

Stop focusing on the car scratch money and read the far more important message behind it.
He is trying to manipulate you.

Walk away.

This is very worrying but good that you have discovered this side to him before committing to buying a house together.

What conversations have you had about how costs generally and specifically will be shared. How do those conversations go, are they discussions between equals or does he tend to think that his higher earnings mean he gets a proportionately bigger say in the agreements.

Something to think about very, very carefully. Good luck.

So he's put in another claim recently well that's his problem right there if he's on £100k he'll earn £300 in less than a day. So offer him a days pay from your salary.

He's emptied the tank on your car & not refuelled?! Mahoosive CF! Do not move in with him. His money is clearly his & he's not sharing! He'd rather see you in debt than help out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩