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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for only leaving my son the house?

443 replies

macadams · 31/08/2022 20:13

Since my ex wife and I recently got divorced I changed my will to leaving equal shares of my assets (aside from the house) to my three children instead of all to my ex. The only thing I hadn't changed in the will was to leave the house solely to my eldest son, Thomas.

After I had everything finalized I ended up sending the updated will to my ex so she could keep it for her records. She was quite upset when she read it. She says that it is unfair and that all my assets, including the house, should be split equally between all three kids in the event of my death.

My reasoning for only leaving Thomas the house is because he is actually the son I had with my late wife. The house was from her parents. Being that Thomas is the only one of my children that was also their grandchild I feel it is only right that he inherit the house.

My ex wife knew about the history of the house, but had mistakenly assumed all these years that all three children would get an equal stake in the property. I had actually told her to look through the previous will when we first got married, but apparently she only glanced at it. Obviously there was a lack of proper communication, but we cant change the past. So here we are.

Am I being unreasonable here? or is my ex wife?

OP posts:
LemonTeacake · 31/08/2022 20:19

In the circumstances, I think it does sound fair and your honouring his DGP

yonce · 31/08/2022 20:20

Wills are always a tough one - but I can completely understand your position.

Your three DC will equally inherit your assets from you, their father. Your eldest son will also inherit from his mother, your late wife (the house). I'm sure your other two DC will also inherit from your ex wife (their mother). This is how I would also imagine things to work.

My step sister inherited similarly when my step dads mum died, as she was the only blood grandchild. This hasn't ever caused an issue in our relationship and I think it's really nice that she had something from her grandma, as I probably will one day from my dads parents. I think it's lovely that your eldest son would have something from his late mother, and his grandparents. I hope your other two children will understand this.

Dotcheck · 31/08/2022 20:20

How do you think your children would feel?

Are you going to equalise by giving the others a bit more of other assets?

It does seem unfair. If you decide to go ahead with this, you should explain it to your other children

drpet49 · 31/08/2022 20:23

“My reasoning for only leaving Thomas the house is because he is actually the son I had with my late wife. The house was from her parents. Being that Thomas is the only one of my children that was also their grandchild I feel it is only right that he inherit the house.”

^You are absolutely doing the right thing OP

PainsandAches · 31/08/2022 20:25

YABU

Purely because think of what your other children will take from this snub

Do you want to leave this earth having thrown a hand grenade into your childrens relationships with each other?

Iamnotthe1 · 31/08/2022 20:29

You acting as if the property was left in trust and, in doing so, being respectful to your son's mother and his maternal grandparents

Your ex wife won't be able to see that because her priority will be the two children you share even though she's likely doing similar. I'd imagine the new house she lives in following your divorce won't be left to all three children equally, will it?

Runningintolife · 31/08/2022 20:31

I think you are doing Thomas a disservice. Since your late wife and her parents have passed away, the house is your asset and you have three children. Unfairness is corrosive and he will both benefit and suffer.

spanieleyes · 31/08/2022 20:31

Are your ex wife and her parents going to leave their wealth equally divided between all the children including Thomas or will it go to the two blood children? The house is your first wife's inheritance and you are passing it on to her son, which is the right thing to do. But, depending on their ages, I would explain the reasoning to all the children involved

Stickworm · 31/08/2022 20:32

It’s tricky but essentially the house was left to you so it is now YOUR asset, I would therefore assume it should be decided equally between all of your children. Honestly though I don’t think there’s necessarily a right or wrong answer, reslly tough one for you OP.

Stickworm · 31/08/2022 20:32

Divided not decided*

fortheloveofcheesecake · 31/08/2022 20:33

I think you've done the right thing for reasons already mentioned by PP.

pennysarah · 31/08/2022 20:34

I think it depends what the other children are likely to inherit from their grandparents. If they are likely to get nothing I think it would be unfair to leave a whole house to one child only. If they might also receive a sizeable gift there is less disparity.
Unless the grandparents/mother specified anything for your son re inheritance it's YOU deciding not honouring their wishes. If you leave 1 child significantly better off than the others I could see that brewing resentment. If all 3 will be well provided for it matters less.

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 20:35

Well, she is renting, so it won't be going to any of the children.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 31/08/2022 20:35

How will you and Thomas feel if your ex doesn't leave any of her estate to him?

picklemewalnuts · 31/08/2022 20:36

Ooof. So one of your children will I hermit a house and some cash. The others will get some cash.

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 20:37

It was mentioned when they first gave us the house how one day it would be Thomas's

OP posts:
lickenchugget · 31/08/2022 20:38

Absolutely fair given the history. And the beauty of divorce is you don’t have to listen to your ex-wife any longer…

sittingonacornflake · 31/08/2022 20:38

Gosh. That's tricky. Did your late wife leave anything else for Thomas? It does seem unfair that as the house is now yours that you would split your assets unequally (but I completely see why you've done it)

lunar1 · 31/08/2022 20:38

Is your ex and family planning to leave their assets to your eldest son, or just to the children you share with her?

This is Thomas's legacy from his maternal side and absolutely should be preserved for him. I would make it clear where the money/assets have come from and why it's being done this way.

ElegantlyTouched · 31/08/2022 20:38

I think it's fine but I'd tell your children, for two reasons. Firstly, so they don't face it after your death when emotions are high, and secondly so that your ex can't use it to cause disharmony between them.

AhNowTed · 31/08/2022 20:38

I'm usually one to say an equal split, but I'm on the fence here.

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 20:38

My ex wife plans on leaving everything of her split equally between the three. However her parents do not really like Thomas, so I doubt they would leave him anything.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 31/08/2022 20:39

Tbh.. I think i would reduce Thomas's share of the assets..

HollyGoLoudly1 · 31/08/2022 20:39

Totally fair in the circumstances.

The poor boy lost his mother, he shouldn't lose his inheritance from her too.

Your other 2 children will inherit from their mum presumably.

FatEaredFuck · 31/08/2022 20:40

I think it sounds fine. How old are the kids? Can you sit down and talk with them? If not write a letter.

Your ex wife is bound to think it unfair yo her children!