AIBU for only leaving my son the house?

[macadams]

Since my ex wife and I recently got divorced I changed my will to leaving equal shares of my assets (aside from the house) to my three children instead of all to my ex. The only thing I hadn't changed in the will was to leave the house solely to my eldest son, Thomas.

After I had everything finalized I ended up sending the updated will to my ex so she could keep it for her records. She was quite upset when she read it. She says that it is unfair and that all my assets, including the house, should be split equally between all three kids in the event of my death.

My reasoning for only leaving Thomas the house is because he is actually the son I had with my late wife. The house was from her parents. Being that Thomas is the only one of my children that was also their grandchild I feel it is only right that he inherit the house.

My ex wife knew about the history of the house, but had mistakenly assumed all these years that all three children would get an equal stake in the property. I had actually told her to look through the previous will when we first got married, but apparently she only glanced at it. Obviously there was a lack of proper communication, but we cant change the past. So here we are.

Am I being unreasonable here? or is my ex wife?

I see the logic. But it’s clear that your ex wife brought Thomas up as her own. It sounds as though her intention is for her inheritance from her parents and anything from herself to go to the 3 equally. Ie she intended Thomas to prosper from anything from her parents.

My grandfather trusted his second wife to keep things equal and balanced between her children and his children (no shared children) once he died and so left everything to his wife. He was wrong. Within 18 months of his death, she sold whatever could be sold and then split the remaining assets and money between her children, leaving his with nothing. His wishes were completely disrespected because he trusted her to act as they had discussed. Huge mistake.

But they aren't the same

Of course they are. They are all OP's children.

Will Thomas inherit from his ex-stepmother's parents?

This is immaterial. This is OP behaving fairly to his children. He cannot nor should he plan for what others will do.

However, in the vast majority of cases GPs leave very little, if anything, to GC. It goes to their own DC. It's not really relevant.

The house that was originally the GPs did not remain so. It became his wife's house, then the family home, that OP has rights to

This isn't Thomas' GP directly bequeathing him something. The ownership is long gone.

So sorry to read your first sentence xx

You’re late wife and her parents would probably be distraught if you didn’t leave it to him. It doesn’t matter what issues it may cause between the children in future. His mum would’ve like you said trusted you to do the right thing. I think it’s disgusting that your ex wife would question you on it to be honest, knowing full well that your wife passed away. people become so greedy and selfish when it comes to these things. You need to go knowing you did the right thing. Do not even question your judgement.

The house was the property of your late wife. It is her inheritance for her son so it should definitely be left for Thomas. However, you do need to have the conversation with your other children now and don’t leave it.

Another option would be to sell the house, buy a small property for yourself and give Thomas as much of the proceeds as you can. Then leave the small property split between 3.

thomas's MUM was given the house by HER parents, it should pass, in its entirety, to Thomas. The OP didn't buy it.

As long as his first wife legally owned it, OP had a right to that property once they were married.

As potentially did his exW, OP hasn't explained this part.

You cannot disinherit your spouse.

They're dead

They're unlikely to be distraught

people become so greedy and selfish when it comes to these things.

I can't believe you'd type this! She's upset for her DC with OP! Not herself, she's looking out for them. Entirely properly.

I understand your reasons and I don't think either option is 'wrong' - however, doing it the way you have chosen may cause issues between your DC when you've gone, and for that reason I'd probably share it equally. Tricky one though.

Wow - if she cannot see why the house should be left to Thomas, then I am not surprised she ended up as an ex wife. This is one of the reasons why I have not and never will remarry now I have a child. I have a decent portfolio of properties and want to make sure that everything I have worked for goes to MY family line and not to someone elses. If I left my properties to my son assuming they would be inherited eventually by my grandson, and my son then died, and his wife went on to marry someone else and had children with them, there is no WAY I would want these new children benefiting. They are nothing to do with me!

I think this is the right thing to do but can you just leave the house to Thomas? Surely if you were married your ex wife has a claim on it herself?

but as it was left by his grandparents it should definitely be his.

your ex sounds nice though - she obviously sees Thomas as her own child

trace the house for me.

it belonged to Thomas’s grandparents. They left it to your first wife. She left it to you.

you remarried and had two more children.

all this time you lived in the house and never built any additional assets of your own? Your ex wife rents and has never built any assets of her own.

so your family has been living in the house with the only actual relative being Thomas?

I can see how it’s fair that Thomas inherits his grandparents home.

his half siblings never met his mum - or I assume his grandparents so why should they inherit from them.

you and your ex wife benefits hugely from Thomas’s grandparents. But your other children shouldn’t inherit indirectly from Thomas’s grandparents. They have their own grandparents.

It’s a shame you and your second wife weren’t able to build any additional assets to leave to your shared children.

@EarringsandLipstick - 'awful' why?

Why should everything I have worked for go to someone and/or someone's children that are not related to me? I want to help my own children not someone else's or any other children my DP May father.

Yes, I can do this as he is 'DP'.

Can you not see that this is crackers?

Of course if you have a portfolio of properties I could understand you protecting those in the event of a remarriage.

But the rest of it? In the chain of life, we will all die & our property will pass on, be sold, be put to different purposes with people we won't even know. You cannot try to protect against a future possible happening, like God forbid, your son's death & speculative DIL remarriage.

You are being fair. This house was your first wife’s from her parents.
My will leaves my share of our house to our DC. There is no way I want any of it to go to any potential children from a later marriage of my DH’s. This is how kids end up potentially being disinherited when a new spouse outlives their surviving parent, inherits, and then leaves it to their DC not the Dc of the original owners.
Your will should make your reasons very clear so that your younger DC understand.

You say - ''I ended up sending the updated Will to my ex....'' I hope you mean you sent a copy of the Will and not the original - which might get ''lost'' if it does not suit her but you will not be there to ensure your wishes are fulfilled.

How did the family work after you remarried? Was Thomas still a child?
I think it will be difficult for your other two children to get over you not treating them all the same in the will.

The 'awful' bit was you not wanting to leave anything to your partner, who you presumably love. As you say, you're not married so you can, legally, but morally it's harsh.

I fully understand that people may wish to protect certain assets solely for their DC.

In the case of a family home, in a marriage, it's not possible tho, and you have to imagine that the bereaved spouse will behave with integrity to all his or her dependents.

As you say, you're not married & therefore can leave your partner with nothing via a will if you so choose.

What you are proposing is absolutely right.

My will leaves my share of our house to our DC. There is no way I want any of it to go to any potential children from a later marriage of my DH’s.

This is fine too.

1. It's your share (as long as you are tenants in common)

1. DH will have 50% that's entirely his

1. Your DH will have a life interest in the property meaning the house cannot be sold & they are therefore not in a position of vulnerability.

Why not leave. half of the house to Thomas (your late wife's share) and split the other half (your half) between the other two (or maybe third it between the other two).

I would expect that the solicitor that you made the Will with also got you to put in a clause in the event of Thomas dying first?

Its also worth mentioning that a Will is a confidential document and as such, nobody has any right to have sight of it until after your death, even if you appoint them as executors.

I would never have advised you to give a copy of this Will to your ex wife and think that you have now caused yourself some stress and drama that was easily avoided.

Thomas lost his mum.
The other children didn’t.
I’d be surprised if they feel miffed that he gets the house.