AIBU for only leaving my son the house?

[macadams]

Since my ex wife and I recently got divorced I changed my will to leaving equal shares of my assets (aside from the house) to my three children instead of all to my ex. The only thing I hadn't changed in the will was to leave the house solely to my eldest son, Thomas.

After I had everything finalized I ended up sending the updated will to my ex so she could keep it for her records. She was quite upset when she read it. She says that it is unfair and that all my assets, including the house, should be split equally between all three kids in the event of my death.

My reasoning for only leaving Thomas the house is because he is actually the son I had with my late wife. The house was from her parents. Being that Thomas is the only one of my children that was also their grandchild I feel it is only right that he inherit the house.

My ex wife knew about the history of the house, but had mistakenly assumed all these years that all three children would get an equal stake in the property. I had actually told her to look through the previous will when we first got married, but apparently she only glanced at it. Obviously there was a lack of proper communication, but we cant change the past. So here we are.

Am I being unreasonable here? or is my ex wife?

As per OPs posts Son was 16 when he married and is now 19.

Yabvu

@macadams Personally I would also get some legal advice on this and see if they say there is a way to do it.

My friend works in probate and said there is lots of contesting a will after, when I was talking about things the other day. She said it's really easy to do and lots of have had success with it.

So depending on how old all the kids are when you pass, they may have a chance to contest it and get some of that house value.

Good choice honouring the eldest son his entitlement.

I think it's fair you only leave the house to him since it's inheritance from his mother's side.

Definitely not unreasonable. Imagine a family heirloom from your ex wife’s parents, which has gone to your wife and then to you when she passed. She would want that heirloom to be passed to her bloodline son only. Would make all 3 kids need to share that heirloom? No. Same applies to this house.

Also think about the grandparents. They probably worked very hard in securing the property, lots of blood sweat and tears went into it, so their daughter would eventually have a home. If they were still alive, would they want the property to be split between their grandson, and his 2 half brothers with no blood relation to them? No, I wouldn’t think so. They didn’t work hard and provide for their family, for it to be given to other people.

Imagine the house goes to all three kids and your eldest doesn’t want to sell, but your youngest two do because they want the money. Your eldest boy (who the property should have rightly solely belonged to) would have no choice but to sell it, and then split the money. Big family fall outs could happen.

Your other two children will get inheritance from their mothers side of the family (which I’m assuming she’s not adding your eldest son to her will) plus share of your assets not including the house, so they won’t be left penniless. And if your ex wife doesn’t have a home to leave them then that’s fine, many kids won’t have that privilege and they do just fine in life.

Your two youngest kids aren’t part of your ex wife’s parents family - I’m guessing they never even met them. The house belonged to your ex wife’s family and you need to honour it, think about what they would have wanted.

This is why it’s so important to do wills where everything goes directly to your children, rather than your spouse.

Then seeing as though he was practically an adult, the house should be solely his and not shared with his half brothers

What a very messy situation you are in.

Not sure I'd be giving the eldest the house and an equal share in the investments - feels very unequal.

Sounds to me that you're doing the best you can in a sensitive situation. If the house went from your late wife from her parents then it is fitting that it goes to her son. Personally, I think your ex-wife has a cheek expecting it to be split between the three children. Your youngest two will surely receive a share from her side of the family, which your eldest son will not.

And I bet this doesn't happen. She'll split it between her two biological children.

The step daughter who was in his life for 2 years could not contest anything, she has no rights regardless of if he dies tomorrow or in 30 years time.

The youngest biological DS doesnt really have a leg to stand on either given this is a new will that does NOT preceed his birth and takes him into account fairly.

My parents (mother and stepfather who raised me) are leaving everything to my siblings not me.

they are under some bizaare impression that my bio dad (who disowned me and never once paid the court ordered maintences) will leave his entire estate to me (since he has no other heirs).

Yeah like thats ever going to happen, but its their right I cant just demand their house and forcably change their decision they made a will of sound mind and it was their choice.

I totally agree and it is nothing to do with your ex wife you only have her a copy out of courtesy!

Above comment is spot on. Your ex wife and Thomas would unlikely maintain a relationship other than for the younger siblings. Your marriage to her wasn't long so by the time she dies she will not be leaving anything to Thomas. You're doing the right thing. Thomas' maternal assets - his only. Also, if you can and need another opinion, can you talk to your late wife's mother? Ask her thoughts and that'll no doubt confirm you are in the right.

I agree with this. YANBU Op - Thomas should inherit his mums estate 100%. Anything you have left that's only yours, should then be split 50/50 between Thomas & your other biological child. It's generous of you to also leave something to your step daughter but there's no relationship at all between her & Thomas & you're actually treating him in a detrimental way by including her (which is obviously your choice, but trying to emphasise that you're not wrong in what you're doing).

But (and stating the obvious) you didn’t have the other children then. It’s your asset to pass on. Definitely should be split between all your children equally. Can’t imagine what this will be like for Thomas if you leave the will as is.

G

Sorry op I’ve reported my post for being in the wrong section!