Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

[Powerdough]

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

Is there no middle ground? Sell and buy somewhere cheaper/smaller in a place where there's more infrastructure/access to the sport?

Surely it can't just be a choice between stay where you are or move to this remote place?

Will your child be able to carry on with their A levels? It sounds like an awful move for them to be honest.

Well, you can’t stay where you are. You need to sell, and fast.

but moving to the middle of nowhere 100’s of miles away cannot be your only other option.

have you got any equity in your house?

OP could you sell up now and rent for just a few months after the sale closes to allow your older teen to finish their A levels and then go? I think that might solve that problem. For the younger, it depends on the sport. If it needs financial investment it'd be impossible anyway given your current situation. Perhaps moving away to a rent free opportunity would allow you to invest a little in equipment and a couple of sport camps that might help aid the transition.

Other option of course...seriously downsize but in your current location. You have one teen about to leave for uni (most likely!) anyway....

Can the A level student go into digs/board with friends to complete his/her studies?

What age is the sporty child? Good enough for a boarding scholarship full or partial?

@MarianneVos we have equity but not enough to buy outright, and we can't get another mortgage with our credit rating in tatters (fell into arrears when lost jobs/business)
I know and agree. I am trying to find a middle ground

You have to look at every other possibly option before considering this, as it would absolutely devastate your kids. That's the bottom line. End of A levels, end of sporting career. That would be very difficult to come back from.

I sound really harsh, I know, but that's the reality.

Is there a compromise? I appreciate that the offer of rent-free is very attractive, but could you afford to buy/rent somewhere more affordable but less remote? The middle of A-levels is obviously a particularly bad time to be moving. I did come across one lad who lived independently when his parents had to move halfway through A-levels. I think family friends kept an eye on him.

I think you have to talk to the kids. Be frank about the finances. Get them involved in the decision-making. Could you afford to stay locally if they share a bedroom, and would they rather that than have to move further away? Can the younger one research areas where their hobby is possible? Does the older one have a friend whose family would be interested in a termtime lodger for a year?

I wouldn't do it. I would exhaust every other option first. Are your energy bills definitely going up by 700 a month? That's a lot(obviously) is there no way you can cut back there for example? Move to a smaller place where you live? Rent a place somewhere cheaper where your children will still have access to civilisation? I would do anything that doesn't risk fucking up your kids futures no matter the cost to me personally.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams yes possibly/probably could stay with a friend term time to finish the course. Eldest about to go to college (next year) so ideally if we could just hang on for a year... I worry about the youngest, he still has 3 years left at secondary school so the worst time to move.
Also if we have to sell I fear we have to sell FAST
Thank you for ideas. Appreciate all of them.

@Choopi I am with you I think. DP is more ballsy about the move.
There are no rentals where we live. Literally none as everything is now on AirBnB (south west) but may have to take our chances that something comes up available if we sell.

@hedgehogFC yep that's what I fear and I couldn't live with myself

Why don’t you wait a few days and see if there is any government support that will help?

also three years left at high school not awful if you mean three years before gcse - you’ve one more year before they start their courses proper so it is doable.

good luck though, I hope it all works out xx

Have you actually been made bankrupt?

I would look for. Middle ground, could you sell and live on your equity, sell and buy a two bedroom flat?
Have you approached specialist brokers to see if extending your mortgage is an option, converting part of your mortgage to interest only etc, etc.

A friend of mine came and boarded with us as their family had to move mid GCSEs. They stayed for A levels too. It wasn’t perfect but could work?

And for the youngest…if they’re truly that good then yes, boarding school on a sports scholarship (you might get a bursary too if things are as bad as you say).

If your sporty one is good enough to make a career out of his sport, with 3 yrs left to go at school, he's in Y10 or 11? If he's that good, i.e. at or near national level, it should be relatively easy to find him a sports scholarship at a boarding school to continue with training.

For your eldest, I agree with PP's that ideally could he stay with a friend or relative to finish his studies? I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must be beyond stressful.

See if you can pay for your a-level teen to stay with a friend and move to the rent free property. I’d do it in a heart beat..

Have you talked to your lender? It's always better to talk to them before you default and they may be willing to look at ways to help (such as altering your term to bring your monthly payment down). There is some advice here www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/mortgage-problems-debt-and-money/how-to-sort-out-your-mortgage-problems/dealing-with-your-mortgage-lender/ (mainly focused on people already in arrears- you're in a better position than that). Honestly, if you can't rent or move locally, I would fight to stay in your home at least until the end of A levels.

Sounds like Cornwall to me. There'll be a mass exodus of families doing the same (we are thinking about it too!!).

Who can afford £1000 pcm rent for a tiny 55sqm narrow as fuck 2 bed house while bringing in £18,000 for a professional job?

Bleak and backwards. 😢

Could you rent or Airbnb be your house if there is such a low number of rentals and then go and rent somewhere more suitable as a middle ground? Are there any friends or family close by that could help and take the kids on for at least the winter term so they could stay in schools and allowing you to save more and reassess in a few months? Sounds like quite a challenge.

Drastic but ... could your DH and you "separate." He goes to live in free rental and you claim UC. So he could pay the mortgage and you claim benefits and work part time til DS1 has done A levels.

Do both boys have part time jobs?

During the school holidays could you join DH in free rental and air b'n'b part if your house?

@TopGolfer ha I wish - literally we are the Untouchables. We are trying to negotiate with our mortgage lender to be put on interest only but they are not budging. Maybe if enough time passes and they are staring at an avalanche of defaults and repossessions then maybe - we are running out of time though.

@edwinbear he has 3 years left at secondary school (before GSCEs) and a fringe sport so not one with colleges and scholarships I’m afraid but something that I still want to support and encourage. He came out of a period of depression and anxiety after discovering it so I will literally sell my kidney before taking that away from him but times are such that I would have to sell 3 kidneys and need one….

We’ll you can’t stay where you are so that’s put paid to that and you need to get the ball moving.
you have free accommodation ready so that seems like a good starting point to work from. From there I would do the job search and building business back up (if that’s your intention) with a view to moving/buying somewhere more central where your other son would be able to do his sport.
I would try and see if there is a friend your A-level son could stay with so as not to disrupt that as it is so important.
If it works out then it would be a break from the sport with perhaps some intense training in holidays.
it isn’t great but families need to adapt to these things together