Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

[Powerdough]

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

you can’t rent your residential home (more than likely) but you can take in a lodger under a home share agreement t with landlord (or close relation of landlord) living in the home too.
if you have three bedrooms one of you can stay with the A level child for a year and rent the empty room whilst having your house up for sale perhaps to test the market and other parent and child goes to the rent free home? Then sell up when ready and move to free home?

Not least because they don't even do A-levels in Scotland! They do Highers, which are very different. So yes, older DC will have to lodge with another family if you move, if that can be arranged. God, what a hideous dilemma OP

@antelopevalley why sorry?
I got to go to some great schools, see a lot of the U.K., meet new people all the time and be with my parents rather than at boarding school which was the other option
I wouldn't have changed it

This sounds so difficult.

What do the DCs think about moving? Could it possibly represent new and exciting opportunities?

@soodonym haha good spot! yes I think that is what we are heading towards. Try muddle through. Keep family together and kids in schools is a priority. x

I'd look to rent somewhere like Plymouth. If the free house is still available or may become available again in a few years, then take the opportunity once the dc are independent.

I don't think it's right to move so far away from your DP's dc and it's bad for your own children.

If your credit rating is fucked, you might struggle to rent somewhere without a guarantor or needing to pay a year's rent upfront. Not uncommon for letting agents to require three months of bank statements via OpenBanking as well as a credit check, too, so worth thinking about whether that will affect things.

I've heard of a few children staying with a friend / relative until they finish school. Not ideal, but not impossible. This could be solution for your elder child

For the younger one, it's more difficult. If they're seriously talented, maybe they would get a school sports scholarship somewhere?

I suppose it also depends what your long term goals are. If the free house would only be for a year or two until the dust settles, then perhaps better to look at other options

I am so sorry this has happened to you due to factors completely outside your control. I really hope you get some good luck soon and I admire your resourceful attitude.

I would not make the move to Scotland. You could sound your youngest out about it but it sounds too risky in terms of his well-being.

One option that is far from ideal…could you sell the house, let your oldest stay with friend to finish a levels, and then the rest of you use what equity you have to either…

a) rent somewhere not in Cornwall with an easier rental market but not so isolated, so youngest could still do sport and more likely for current reasons friends to maybe come and stay.

b) buy a one bed flat in Cornwall or elsewhere, you and DP sleep in lounge. I don’t think this works as well though as you would not have so much room for work from home. I know you mentioned caring responsibilities too though, so at least could maybe stay more local.

Its a lot on your shoulders right now, I wish you the best

I am not clear as to why you simply don't both find new jobs.

If your can't make an income out of self-employment for now there are still lots of regular jobs out there.

Then you can sell you home and either buy something smaller or rent in your current location or somewhere nearby which is a bit cheaper.

No need to move everyone to the middle of nowhere...

@YouHaveAnArse (love the username) yep that is our problem. Already enquired locally as we think our mortgage will be called in - not a chance. So we may not have any options after all. Might be able to find something if we offer a year's rent upfront, but we can only do that AFTER we sell. The housing situation in the south west is insane.

I just had a look at OpenRent and prices seem about the same as London! And that's if somewhere is suitable...

@Redqueenheart ok. Well yes in theory I/we could. Have tried that too. But the jobs we would be able to get hired for, would pay no more than what we make now self employed. I am also a carer. I have a severely learning disabled child still living at home but at school term time. And whilst this thread is not about the ins and out of raising a child with complex needs, I will tell you that no job would entertain the kind of flexibility I need, with hospital appointments, and time off when he is sick and can't go to school. But thank you for taking the time to make a suggestion, appreciated.

Who has friends who will 'supervise' three children on a full-time basis? Children under a certain age aren't allowed to be left alone overnight so it would mean moving in with them (in a one bedroom flat) as well as doing cooking, washing, cleaning etc. Don't these fictional 'friends' have their own homes, lives, jobs, families and responsibilities?

OP you say the place you would move to is in Scotland and therefore it would have an impact on your kids' education as you'd be moving from the south-west of England? Very different systems.

Years ago my husband and I decided that if we fell on hard times we would move to Elgin in Scotland as, at the time, we could have got a semi for about £70K.

I wonder if there is somewhere similarly cheap in England where your current equity would buy something, and your younger child could still train? Have you checked all areas? I know some cheap places are a bit grotty/dodgy but not all by a long way. However, if your other child has complex needs, it might be difficult to move them anyway because of having to transfer healthcare?

I do think you'd need to wait until your eldest has finished A levels though, unless you can find somewhere where they could pick up all their subjects in the second year.

Your say your son's sport is fringe, but I assume it can be done in more than one location (ie not surfing?)

In your situation I would buy a one-bedroom flat and make the best of it - adults on sofabed sitting room, teens in adult-size bunkbeds in bedroom.

It won't be easy and you'll be overcrowded, but when your eldest finishes A-Levels and goes to uni (assuming that is the plan, if he is heading for top grades) it will be a little easier. Your younger one can keep at his sport. Your DP can keep up a relationship with his other kids.

Its shit, but it sounds like the least shit option?

Sorry, I missed the part about you having another child with complex needs. I don't suppose the one-bed flat idea would be feasible.

Have you checked the implications for your child with SEN in terms of whether there placement will continue if you move countries. That may actually be one of the most difficult things to manage. If it is being funded through an EHCP that won't transfer to scotland and as I am sure you are aware even moving within england could lead to the placement being changed.

Also if your other child has complex needs, shouldn't you be a priority to be housed if your lender effectively forces you out of your house? Or do the powers that be not care because the child is at a boarding school in term-time?

It is really tough with a disabled child. When mine was younger, DH had a 9-5 job and I had to work 6pm until midnight. That meant someone was always around for our DS. Admittedly, evening jobs are usually pretty crap pay.

Are there any areas near you that are less desirable and less likely to be full of airbnbs? The south west is beautiful but there are definitely towns that have little tourist appeal. As for credit ratings etc, yes it is tough. When we moved recently, we both had crap credit ratings after some tough times through Covid. However, we were very lucky and found a private rental through open rent. We had to provide proof of income etc but the landlord didn’t do a credit check.

How big is the shortfall? Would it be possible if both you and DH took on additional work, such as delivery driver, cleaning, dog walking, supermarket shifts etc? Just to tie you over for another year?

Have I understood it correctly that your DH has two DC and then you have one additional DC together?

For your kids sake I wouldn't move them to Scotland now, or at all. I think anywhere in England will be better so they stay in the same education system. Lots of places are cheaper than Cornwall.

Hi OP,
Is non mortgage debt a factor in your financial problems? (you mentioned liability for business debts?)

You should prioritise essential costs of mortgage, Council tax and utilities and default on non essential debts such as loans and credit cards as you can't afford them.

Charities such as Christians against poverty and Stepchange can help with solutions to debt. Don't pay for debt help.

Can you look at shared ownership. Use the equity in your house to buy the owned bit outright so there is no mortgage and then pay the rental part. I believe you can claim benefits towards the rent part if your income is low but check this.

I would try to arrange meetings with hoysing associations /your local shared ownership representatives and get help and advice.

The rental situation is terrible but you only need one property so you could ask on facebook/ local sites for family looking for rental. You never know there might be a friend of a friend.....

Personally I think you need to try to pretend the free rental didn't exist. You have mentioned your son was having a rough time with his mental health but discovering his sport (and probably friends along with it) has got him on track. I don't think you can risk him not coping with the move and becoming depressed again. Rather the one bedroom flat -anything.

If it is your dream to live in this cottage in the wilds do it when your youngest leaves home/goes to uni.

Looked online heaps to rent in the south west . Sorry think this is more about you and hubbies dream of living in the middle of no where and working from home, by looking back at your initial post. More to a really cheap area. You and husband live in lounge.

*move to a cheap area, down size , you and hubby live in lounge and fulfil your dreams when your kids have had the chance to fulfil theirs.

There is very limited housing in Cornwall- families are being housed in temporary accommodation out of the county if they can't find something to rent. OP's family would, of course, be a priority, but there is a real lack of suitable housing for families in the county. I don't think they could rely on being housed by the council- there are a LOT of people who need help with housing, unfortunately.

OP, I really empathise, and I don't have any real solutions for you. I do think the situation sounds really, really difficult. If you're able to hang on for another month or so, you might be able to find a winter let somewhere- which might keep you going until April or so? Then find a short term solution until June for A-levels?

But it will likely make your financial situation worse long term. I hate to say it, but I doubt you'll be able to cling on for another three years, so it might be better to suck it up and move your second child now, before they're tied in to the GCSE system.