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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

242 replies

Powerdough · 30/08/2022 12:02

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

OP posts:
Summergirl5 · 30/08/2022 14:38

Sell your house ,buy a one or 2 bed flat in the area you now live .
dh does up to the free house and settles makes a life for you ,the eldest and middle stay in the flat term time ,with a friend of yours supervising them .
the youngest …I don’t know can he be trusted in the flat or would he be better going with dad to ..
you could flit back and forth .
that’s what I’d do anyway
then when they all have left for uni sell the flat ….or keep it ..for links to the area

TeacupDrama · 30/08/2022 14:43

first of all while not panicking your kids they are old enough to be told the financial truth that it is not just the case of giving up takeaways etc
explain to them that you simply can't stay in the house you are in there are no great options

it is 8 months until eldest takes A levels so somehow he has to still take them
you need to discuss with your children what compromises they are willing to make sharing a room ( so you can get a lodger) getting a part time job to help pay for their own stuff at least they need the info to decide they might prefer to work extra hours for food and clothing in preference to moving. Young people can surprise us sometimes by being demanding and entitled but also quite often with what they are prepapred to sacrifice to get what they want,, your youngest probably already sacrifices some things to train for his sport

but I think you can then move next June for sure it is not ideal but with 3 years before exams moving to a new system will be OK the curriculum is not that different within UK, history and literature obviously has a different slant to reflect the nation within the UK but Maths French physics etc will not be that different.

from the OP it seems like it is not a child that is disabled but either OP or her partner so one is caring for the other and they are working self employed from home it may because of the disability not possible for either to work out of the home or one can only work a few hours or they have too many bad days to actually stay in a PAYE job, we simply don't know OP has not said

ivykaty44 · 30/08/2022 14:43

Literally none as everything is now on AirBnBwould they be willing to rent to you for the winter/spring and if you sold up you could use capital, not idea but would keep you in the area for your dc A levels and sport

Or a static van hire during the winter? again not ideal but keep you n the area

where about roughly up north? as from the south west anything is north..!

Looking on right move there is rentals in southwest but few and far between.

No time is a good time to move with teens, it maybe a case of biting the bullet

better to get house on market with no chain ow and take capital than get into debt and lose capital later..sorry

ivykaty44 · 30/08/2022 14:46

Sell your house ,buy a one or 2 bed flat in the area you now live .
dh does up to the free house and settles makes a life for you ,the eldest and middle stay in the flat term time ,with a friend of yours supervising them .
the youngest …I don’t know can he be trusted in the flat or would he be better going with dad to ..

this isn't a bad idea - could you rent flat out after A levels to produce an income if the flat is owned outright?

Caroffee · 30/08/2022 14:48

YABU until the children are 18. Sounds like it will be just one more year for your oldest and then they'll be at University. How old is your youngest? How good are they at their chosen sport? Some talented athletes move away from home in their early teens in order to train full time. If that was an option, it doesn't really matter where the family home is based.

ChillyB · 30/08/2022 14:50

Could you look at alternative housing options e.g. static caravan rather than bricks and mortar with equity from selling your house. That could be temporary to see you through the next couple of years until you can make the move to rent free place.

LovinglifeAF · 30/08/2022 14:51

Is it Shetland or one of the Scottish islands? It was on Scottish news today that energy bills in Shetland will be twice the average U.K. mainland bill.

Education and exams exist in other parts of the U.K. so while it’s obviously not ideal they would be able to do exams. However then going to Uni etc may be even more expensive.

i agree I would be looking for a middle ground than doing something as drastic as this

JackyinaTracky · 30/08/2022 14:51

Does the A level student work part time? Can they contribute at all to help keep you afloat until they finish their exams?

ShesNotTheMessiah · 30/08/2022 14:51

Selling and renting for a year might be an option - as already suggested. It gets your oldest off to uni and you don't know how interst or talent in the sport might develop for you youngest in that time.

And/or can you talk to them? Invite them into the debate and see what they would choose. They might surpirse you with their preference or their ability to think of options.

Agadoodoododont · 30/08/2022 14:52

Out of the box thinking—- any live in situations available in your area so DC can stay where they are? Housekeeper/ handyman/ gardener type jobs?
Sell up and live in a Motorhome or caravan. Ask around for farm, landowner where you could park up. ( you might have to move off for 48 hours each month, something to do with planning)

newbiename · 30/08/2022 14:53

If you're self employed and not earning much can't one or both of you get jobs ? Sounds like you can't afford to be self employed now.

ShesNotTheMessiah · 30/08/2022 14:53

Remember the clasic survival tip: when you're in the shit, you must keep making decisions; right ones or wrong ones, you need to keep making them. Doing nothing is the worst decision.

Agadoodoododont · 30/08/2022 14:53

sorry, it posted before I’d finished. Taken in a lodger? Look at rent a room tax —- large amount is tax free.

CoastalWave · 30/08/2022 14:57

What's the sport? Knowing that would help us all to advise.

My family moved mid GCSE - we moved in with my gran and my Dad moved over until we were able to join in, Can you not do something like that? (actually thinking on, Gran actually moved out and went to live with her sister for a while so we could have the house !)

newbiename · 30/08/2022 14:57

Ariela · 30/08/2022 14:36

Also check the wording of your life insurance policy that covers your mortgage. Some may pay out on a diagnosis that is terminal or prevents you from working (disability).

A friend of mine had cancer, was not aware that cancer was included on her policy. Went into remission and 5 years later moved house, had to take out a new policy that excluded cancer and sadly it recurred and she died of cancer. So the family missed out on a substantial pay out for that first mortgage.

OP hasn't mentioned cancer ?

midgetastic · 30/08/2022 14:58

Moving to the other end of the country takes you north Scotland where the education and exam set up is different- your children would not be sitting a levels

EpicMugs · 30/08/2022 15:01

As a child I moved to the other side of the country before my family did as they were waiting for a house sale - took about 10 months.

I lived with a family friend for that time.

Might something like that be an option for your youngest?

PriamFarrl · 30/08/2022 15:05

You say you can work from home but if it is this remote will you have decent broadband?

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 30/08/2022 15:06

Is your energy definitely £700 or is this just estimate?
mIm with British Gas and whilst i have guessed how much mine will be I won’t know for definite until the tell me in a few weeks (not helpful)

do you have debts that you are paying for individually that would be cheaper under a DMP or IVA? Drastic but can save £££

rnsaslkih · 30/08/2022 15:11

hedgehogFC · 30/08/2022 12:21

You have to look at every other possibly option before considering this, as it would absolutely devastate your kids. That's the bottom line. End of A levels, end of sporting career. That would be very difficult to come back from.

I sound really harsh, I know, but that's the reality.

Exactly this. Teens often find such moves highly traumatic.

AfternoonCup · 30/08/2022 15:14

Why don’t you rent the house, it sounds like you are in Cornwall so you will find tenants instantly and probably for more than your mortgage, then use that money to rent yourself but in a much cheaper area? There are some lovely little towns in Wales but you are not too far from the south west and won’t be in the middle of nowhere.

IrisVersicolor · 30/08/2022 15:16

So I’d you sell, live rent free and buy a smaller property to provide you with a rental income. That would fund A level kid as a lodger near school for 9 months. It could also fund the younger one to go to a state or means tested boarding school with or near his sport?

IrisVersicolor · 30/08/2022 15:17

If not I’d ^^

CookieDoughKid · 30/08/2022 15:17

Talk to your lender and request a payment holiday. Can you be moved to interest only mortgage?

Mossstitch · 30/08/2022 15:18

When in a similar situation in the 90s (as in mortgage rates up to 15%) I did lodgings for local uni and foreign students doing language courses in the holidays). Kept our heads above water for couple of years til able to downsize. Any scope for anything like that?