Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

[Powerdough]

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

OP can't afford the mortgage. In the current climate, letting is NOT a secure way to cover mortgage payments. So the mortage will default and the lender will eventually reposess the asset and sell it.

The mortgage lender only needs to recover the loan amount. They don't care about the borrower recovering equity.

Far better for OP to sell now at the best price they can get, repay mortgage. and pocket the equity.

Have you spoken to your lender re a mortgage break or going interest only?

Is there the option to put two kids in together to create a spare room.you could rent out to a lodger? That's tax free up to 5k annually I think.

Talk.to your energy company asap. Time to be ruthless with energy consumption.

Downgrade your car to a smaller engine or hybrid.

Teenager heading to uni takes gap year and works and contributes to bills for a year. It's a delay but not the end of the world

Look for sports bursaries for your sporty teenager

Can family loan you a sum?

Good luck. X

If you're in the South West, where the rental market is crazy at the moment, would there be the option to rent out your house instead of selling it? Would that make enough to keep the mortgage company happy?

As we're coming to the end of the summer season, is there any option to rent something like a mobile home/static caravan for DC1 & one parent to live in during term time for now?

The family home (and DC2) could then relocate to the rent free property. I would only move DC1 at that stage to A-Levels as an absolute last resort however.

If its Scotland you are considering moving to your youngest would benefit from free tuition fees after 3 years residency and there are a lot of sporty places in northern Scotland, perhaps not exactly the same sport, but there may be something that they would enjoy locally.

But yeah, very hard to move in the middle of A-Levels to change to the Scottish curriculum,

You're both self employed - depending on what you do, is there an opportunity to get PAYE jobs instead that pay better? This would also help your credit rating.

Like others have said there are plenty of options which are less drastic than moving to somewhere which is do remote it will damage your DC's life opportunities

The most obvious one would be relocating to a cheaper area of the UK which has the necessary school/college/sporting facilities that your DC need

You can’t rent out a house bought on a residential mortgage - you either need a specific buy-to-let mortgage or consent-to-let, which can be complicated to achieve and involves additional costs (and is only a temporary solution)

www.gocompare.com/mortgages/consent-to-let/

Could you rent your own place, and then move to a smaller rented property you pay for from proceeds of your rental income? That way you can move back when situation improves. It’s a hassle, your mortgage company might not allow it although they’d be daft not to considering the repossession risk

or as others have said start renting out a room or 2. Yes. Kids would have to share, you might need to double lounge as bedroom for you and husband, but you can earn up to £6k each tax free if you are live in land lords.

does your sons hobby have summer vacation intensive training. So if you did move to remote location, you would said him there at holidays instead of regularly during term time as a compromise. However, you do need to think carefully about this…whilst this may be love of his life, these types of sports are expensive and it may simply be adding to your debt right now no matter how much you love him. Can you get him scholarships or sponsorships to pay for him? If you can’t then I’d question how seriously he can make this his future life and wage in terms of not being at top of his game, and that you’re propping up an expensive hobby that you can’t afford.

Do you any family in your area? Could the A-level teen stay with anyone for a year or so to complete the course and then exams?

I’d also add, don’t know your jobs, but there are a lot of vacancies even in skilled jobs . Ok, jobs are contract, short term, not perms etc but you both need to earn seriously - you need to be looking to double up jobs if possible and just bring money in doing whatever and whenever to buy you time.
if nothing you can do, consider re-training …seriously you can’t get trades for live or money right now..I am not kidding when I say retrain as plumber, builder, plasterer, or whatever…they are in short supply and being paid well because of it.

Massive assumption that anyone will be able to sell houses fast in the current climate.

Would you buy a house with a £700 energy bill?

Op - are you sure this is correct - usage, not just what your direct debit is

My parents moved somewhere very remote in our teens and it was fine.
rent your house out rather than sell it if poss, as a long term rent.
Move to the free house.
Try and get the eldest to stay somewhere nearby term time to finish a levels

I would not consider this with DC of that age. A-level DS definitely cannot move, you could find someone for him to stay with but it would be an extra expense and still hugely unsettling for him at an important time. Yr 9 DS I wouldn’t move without equal or better opportunities for his sport. Definitely have a look into scholarships/sponsorship. Even with a niche sport there is quite possible something available. Doesn’t necessarily have to be boarding but you might find something that will offer some income or cover some expenses and make it easier to stay where you are.

Renting a room is a good idea or downsizing as locally as possible. Is there a reason you and DH haven’t got second jobs? That would be my going in point, other than that I would be resigning myself to a few years of credit card debt until DC have finished school.

@TheSoapyFrog asked an important question, if the free rental wasn’t an option what would you be planning?

Really feel for you, it’s a tough situation.

BTW .. you and your family have my deepest sympathy. We have found ourselves in a deep hole on more than one occassion and are currently mapping out scenarios...

What about your other severely disabled child? What would be the plan for them?

This. Any chance they could stay without you for one year?

What amount is the gap between your expenses where you are and what you have coming in? Is it fixable with a lodger and if the kids get jobs to cover some of their expenses?

If you're considering moving to scotland. Fettes college has a considerable number of financial bursaries available up to & including 100% and boarding.
They follow the a level curriculum & not scottish highers/advanced highers as so many English kids.
If your eldest is a half decent student - that's a very real possibility.

Obv I don't know if it's scotland you're considering but if so then almost all sports are available in the highlands & islands

Good luck op

Your kids will cope because they have to.
Being made homeless & parents bankrupted will be worse.
You're doing the right thing xx

Not always the case. Nationwide add 1% on to the interest charges, but do allow it.

When you say middle of nowhere, could you narrow it down a bit for advice?

For example Inverness caley has a great youth scheme if it's football and kids travelling a couple of hours to it finish school early once a week for midweek training.

Is it as middle of nowhere as you fear (as someone who lives at the very opposite end of the country to you!)

Another thing to consider is what would happen if the family member suddenly needed to sell the house they have offered you, or to rent it out at market rate? Or they sadly died and whoever inherited it wanted to sell/live in it etc? Would you be protected with a contract? Because the very last thing you would want would be to uproot your lives and then find yourselves homeless…

What equity do you have in your house?

Can you buy even a 2 bed flat if you sell up your big house?

It'll probably take 6 months to sell and complete on you house. That'll take till March.
Can you get a 6 months mortgage holiday from your lender, market and sell the house and time the move to mid July. Meaning in that time you only have 2 months repayments to make, and the A level child will have finished exams.
Could Sporty child could try for scholarships for said sport. Have friends with children on various sporty scholarships so think there's a few about.

Also check the wording of your life insurance policy that covers your mortgage. Some may pay out on a diagnosis that is terminal or prevents you from working (disability).

A friend of mine had cancer, was not aware that cancer was included on her policy. Went into remission and 5 years later moved house, had to take out a new policy that excluded cancer and sadly it recurred and she died of cancer. So the family missed out on a substantial pay out for that first mortgage.

Have your children got jobs? It's not ideal of course, but at 17, I'd rather work Saturdays to contribute to staying in my home and life than move. Talk to them about the options and see how willing they are to help or compromise.