Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

[Powerdough]

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

I’d try and hang on somehow. The upheaval for the family and the costs of moving are going to be astronomical anyway.
I’d double check any benefit entitlement is fully claimed.
I would pay just what you can afford of the utilities for the moment . If you have a disabled person there it creates a significant legal delay in forcing you to have prepayment installed and the debts only appear on your credit file if a CCJ is awarded so you could theoretically run up a debt , pay it off in tiny amounts and ride out the storm for a bit.
do you have a decent sized plot? Because you could capitalise on the rent crisis in your area by throwing up an annex / cabin and letting it out perhaps? I lived in one of these in Newquay many moons ago .
can you as a family pull together so that you can be free to work more? Maybe diversify your business perhaps add another income from home to it? Remote sales / customer care seems to be a thing now . You might have to move anyway, but the later the better. No point trying to get way ahead of your debts if you won’t get another mortgage so I’d just pay the mortgage for as long as I could ,sod anything unsecured, make offers and long it out and you may find you can last till the kids are ready to move out . Then rent out their rooms or downsize then .

Could you rent your house out and then go into rented in the area.
or even buy a piece of land and put a mobile home on it to stay on the area.

Soory, no words of wisdom. There are no houses to rent or to buy in Cornwall. Social services support for children with SN is dire & schools like Doubletrees send children home at the first sign of a sniffle. It sounds as though every room in your house is already full or you could have tried renting to a student yourselves if yiu were anywhere near Penryn or Plymouth. The only jobs are in social care. I totally get your dilemma.

^This.

And I'm honestly struggling to think of a sport that the Wirral (and surrounding areas of Liverpool and Manchester) wouldn't offer.

They need money to buy a piece of land, planning permission, plus the cost of the mobile, to put in drainage, services, sewerage.

To rent their own property out they need a BTL mortgage and permission, sounds like they wouldnt get it

To rent a flat themselves they need a good credit rating and likely a guarantor, sounds like they dont have that

And sometimes they have no problems at all raises hand. Honestly frightening OP when she's up against it is fricking unhelpful

How much cash will you get from house sale?

Then people could possibly suggest areas u could buy that isn't the sticks

@Dibbydoos could I borrow that Crystal ball of yours seeing this how are you know there’s a property crash on the way I’m wondering if I could get next week‘s lottery numbers please?

Also just to give you a heads up I tried to do in the two contracts at once in September 2021 and ended up getting fired from both ehen they found out about each other people don’t like it. I’m still going through the small claims court to try and get paid.

They don’t need to not be in arrears to get permission to rent the house out and if the building society won’t let them but they have asked them they should just go ahead and rent out anyway and if God forbid it got so far is to be in front of a judge, the judge would find the building societies behaviour very unreasonable. The building society needs to do everything in its power to prevent repossession.

they also don’t need a good credit rating or a guarantor to rent a house if they just pay upfront and explain the situation typically rental agency is like to know the worst in the full story upfront it’s when they discover these things when they do the credit search they don’t like it

Thank you everyone for your kind words and help. Just catching up. I am so glad I canvassed opinions. I only spoke to my sister who shouted FECK YEAH financial freedom kids will be fiiiiiiiine go go go so I thought maybe I am being too precious.
@tootiredtospeak that is what I think will end up happening. Our credit rating is already fcked and it can't really be fcked much further so we might as well try hold on here until we are literally carried out kicking and screaming.... We are currently in the middle of litigation (oh yeah and another thing! honestly I am not making this up!) which has been going on for 9 months and we don't even have a hearing date yet for 2023. I do think there are going to be so many people defaulting mortgages that they will have their hands full so maybe we can drag this out. Not scared of nasty letters.

Surely if they have a family member prepared to let them use a house for free, that person would also be prepared to go guarantor?

I just think free house sounds incredibly tempting as a way out financially, but there are other options (probably harder for the adults in the short-term) but better for the 5(?) kids involved - 2 stepkids and OP's 2 teens plus SEN child. The A level son doesn't really need to get dragged out of the English school system and put into the Scottish one at this point, the younger has had MH issues and only just recovered through his sport, and the SEN child probably has specific support in place where they are. The stepkids don't need their father to bog off to Scotland.

If they breached their mortgage agreements by renting it out when they shouldnt that would not look good for them, plus there can be issues with buildings insurance for that, although it depends

It would be an unusual agency who dont run credit checks, no matter how far in advance a tenant pays.

It will take a long time and the court will almost certainly judge to let you stay for an amount you can afford and set another date to review this in say a years time. It could drag out to 2025. It sounds a shitty option but in reality it isnt as bad as you think.

Well on that update, my advice would be in continuous communication with the mortgage company, arrange a payment plan, they wont be able to take you to court if you are paying an agreed amount.

Dont assume, as I said, that your fuel bills will be as high as you think, make cut backs where you can as Im sure you are already

@RunningSME I also think there is a property crash, or if not crash then at least a correction coming. 12% has been forecast although around here that would only take it back to last year's level but still - for those who have bought recently it will be a sizeable dip. I am not sure why the dots are not joined. Everyone is paying 4x more every month for their utility. Businesses (and schools, hospitals, libraries, universities...) are not covered by the cap and currently some businesses are being quoted bills 10x higher or they are finding it hard to get an electricity supplier (because of business outlook?). Discretionary spending is going to fall off the cliff this winter (ain't going out to dinner if struggling to keep the lights on) at the same time as operating costs are seeing stratospheric rises. There will be job losses because of business closures, and people will default on their credit. This is what is coming unless in Westminster they find some adults who are willing to step in and start doing some, you know, government stuff. It doesn't take a crystal ball, just basic economics. Which is why we are anxious about making a decision now, not next year as selling the house may not be an option then. So I think we are going to try ride this out as @tootiredtospeak said!

If it's somewhere like Peterhead you're moving to, the town has one of the best special needs schools in the country (the Anna Ritchie school).

They should ask for permission to rent the house out and if it’s denied that won’t look good for the building society in court should It get that far.

I didn’t suggest that a rental agency wouldn’t run credit checks of course they will however if they warned in advance that the credit check is a disaster and they pay a year upfront in rent then the situation isn’t as insurmountable as the catastrophising on Mumsnet like to make out.
@Powerdough to be honest it doesn’t matter what any of us think as to whether there be a property crash, there absolutely should’ve been one after Brexit is there also should’ve been one during the pandemic and prices have gone up nearly 30-40% in some areas since 2018.

I’d say all bets were off at the moment but it’s actually completely irrelevant to your situation because you’re probably not gonna be able to pull the equity out fast enough either way and buy another one with a repaired credit rating.

You can actually and the bank won't have a clue.

Desperate times, desperate measures

Thank you.

Very typical of Mumsnet to be wetting themselves over the slightest hint of a rule bend.

It really never has to get that far.

Property won't crash in the way we saw in 2008. It'll be more a correction and not a crash as building costs are now so much higher than what they were 15 years ago, I've seen 4%-12% floated about as an estimate.

High chance OP wouldn't see a huge loss in equity especially in the south west. If she owned a terraced house in Hackney, I think the advice of telling her to sell now would be much wider though....

If 2 of the children are your boyfriend’s and live with you half the time, why the talk of lodging with a friend? Not term time with their other parent?

Setting aside that my children like to see both parents regularly, I hate not having them full time and if my ex moved to the other end of the country (for desperate financial reasons, not arseholian ones) I’d be really happy to have my kids back full time! So maybe that’s your answer, depending on which 2 are his.

The family members giving you a rent free house can afford not to take an income from it. Is it rentable? To get you through this sticky timing period, would they let you have the income from renting it?

Erm - what? Of course you can't move to Scotland if you have the kids half the time and they have family locally that would mean no school change. That might have been worth mentioning! Where are they the rest of the time?

“We are 5, DPs 2DC with us half the time plus a dog.”

Actually, have I interpreted that wrongly?

You are 5 (you, your boyfriend, your three kids: Y13 A levels, severely disabled child slightly older and Y9 mystery sport) then there’s another 2 children? And they are your boyfriend’s?

If they are with their father half the time, sounds like they’re school age?

So your boyfriend is “ballsy” about a move literally from one end of the country to the other which:

• impacts your children negatively
• takes him away from his own children

Hmmmmmm.

I’d make the decision that’s right for you and your children, and give little weight to his “ballsy” enthusiasm for a major impact on 5 children.

How old are your DP's children? If you have three children and one that is doing A levels then that would suggest that they may be older?

do you have a decent sized plot? Because you could capitalise on the rent crisis in your area by throwing up an annex / cabin and letting it out perhaps?

Eh? OP is in debt, how would she fund this? Throw up an annexe with some wood from the garden and a bit of tarpaulin?

OP needs to hound her mortgage lender into a workable solution using her disabled son as leverage.