To ask what "outside help" you have?

[Gemma273]

I feel like I'm literally drowning in housework, life, just everything tbh. We have 2 children and zero help whatsoever, my husband and I have juggled WFH (both of us full time) since the pandemic with our now 3 year old and I've just had a baby. I am able to do work at night that allows me lots of time with my dc during the day. I feel like everything just accumulated during this time and I can't get on top of it. Husband is very hands on with housework and kids so no faults there.
All other families we know seems to be nailing it all but my husband pretty much summed it up, all the people I've been thinking about have "outside help" - one friend has her parents come and do breakfast and dressing her 2 kids every single morning to help them out and has them overnight one night every weekend, another has her Gran do all her washing for their full family and she goes there 4 out of 7 nights for dinner. Also most of them have their children in nursery even if they don't work, just to give them a break and all of our friends kids have regular overnight stays with family at least twice a month.

I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to gain from this post but in a way wanted to vent but also to realise it is normal and most people don't have lots of help.

You do realise that is quite a lot of help...

DC are at school/nursery…. no way could we manage work with either of them at home.
but other than that we do it ourselves. Can’t afford a cleaner etc. no family here to help regularly.
MIL will help if we ask but it’s an hours drive each way and she works. We tend to just ask on special occasions if we want an evening out and then she’ll stay the night.

it’s exhausting and our house is regularly a complete tip. But hey ho. We’re happy and healthy so I guess that’s the main thing.

4 kids and no help (none from their dad either) but I was a sahm from when having my 2nd until my 4th started school.

Mum friends and I helped each other out on an ad hoc basis if needed.

It was a slog and fire fighting.

I am a single mum with a DD11 and a dog. I work full time at a pretty senior job. I have:

• family kindly do school runs
• cleaner once a week
• gardener when he shows up
• dog Walker to do 2 of the 5 weekend at afternoon walks

This amount of help keeps the ship afloat.

That's a huge amount of free help

Right?? 😄

None, it’s shit.

Was going to say the same. Childcare twice a day 5 days a week.
so babysitting minimum 10 times a week.

I’ve had grandparents babysit 3 times in 2 years by comparison.

OP isn't coming back because she's been roasted for thinking it's acceptable to work full time without childcare. Let's just hope your employer isn't reading this

Well this is a bit vicious isn't it?

(My perspective - from someone who pays a fuckton to cover all the childcare I need, and worked through lockdown with small children. I don't think wfh without childcare is viable or acceptable, but I don't get why you're so happy to stick the boot in to someone postpartum and overwhelmed.)

Your issue is you both work full time. You'll always be on the backfoot unless you either outsource what you can or have help. I have 3 kids, no help and my house is clean and tidy (most of the time). I work part time though and I do have time to keep on top of things. I do laundry on set days as I don't want clothes drying all over the house. I have a dishwasher and use it. I batch cook where possible and if not make meals that will cover two days so I don't need to cook everyday. Kids activities, school stuff goes on a shared Google calendar as soon as a letter come through and marked on a family calendar in the kitchen same for appointments. I have a dh that is an equal partner and doesn't need to be directed, he sees what needs doing and he gets on.

You have a young baby, once baby sleeps through and has some form of a routine it will get easier. You learn to make the most of nap time time or if you have a contact napper or clingy baby then a sling is your friend. The important thing to remember is to avoid putting pressure on yourself and that comparison is the thief of joy. Not many people have the level of help your friends have, I certainly don't know anyone that does. Most people are just muddling through.

OP is on maternity leave. 🙄

No outside help for childcare as we live 80 miles from any grandparents. We both work full time hours and yes it’s a slog some days but other days I relish the independence our family has.

That said, we do have a cleaner and a window cleaner and the DC are in 2 after school activities a week each. I count that time as childcare!