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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this Mum

291 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 20:36

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 28/08/2022 20:49

Yanbu that's pretty shitty.

Thatiswild · 28/08/2022 20:55

I actually think I would say something in this case. I would ask what had happened and see what she says about how she handled it. I’d certainly not be letting her stay again, I doubt she wants to though that’s really awful.

ell32 · 28/08/2022 20:55

YANBU

That is really off from the mum. Weird she couldn't give her the big plasters. The fact she had to keep asking makes me a bit sad for her. When I was a teenager I would have been too shy to say anything.

I have a toddler and a baby so slightly different but I always keep a first aid kit on me and have stuff at home.

FlissyPaps · 28/08/2022 20:57

YANBU.

Did the mum have larger plasters but just didn’t want to give them to DD? Because if so, that’s awful.

Holly60 · 28/08/2022 20:57

You could buy a pack of antiseptic wipes and some big plasters, and take them round to 'replace' what your daughter used.

Stress how grateful you are that they looked after her so kindly when she was so shaken up.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:00

I always have a very good first aid kit at home and also have a really good travel one from Lidl. She said in future when she stays at friends that she will pack the travel one. She was quite annoyed with the Mum but she finds her strange anyway. She said she doesn't interact with them at all and barely sees her when she visits.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:03

FlissyPaps
YANBU
Did the mum have larger plasters but just didn’t want to give them to DD? Because if so, that’s awful.

Yes the Mum had larger plasters but didn't want to give them to her.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 28/08/2022 21:04

Do you know why she wasn’t allowed the big plasters? We don’t actually have a first aid kit here and when a child fell over in our garden I had to scrabble around to find plasters, discovering an ancient box which had gone so out of date that the sticky backed bit couldn’t be taken off the plaster so they were useless. We don’t have antiseptic wipes here either but a bottle of Dettol has been in place only for a few weeks.

perhaps she didn’t have it, perhaps there was a misunderstanding about why she “couldn’t have” the big plasters

Watapalava · 28/08/2022 21:07

i think your dd may be being a bit dramatic

with cuts and grazes a little pressure from a. Damp towel and then letting the air get to it likely is best treatment

teens really don’t usually put plasters in cuts given it doesn’t help them

Spudina · 28/08/2022 21:08

You have just inspired me to buy antiseptic wipes. I have literally never used them on my kids. (And I’m a nurse). You are right that the other mother could have done better. But if your daughters are friends, saying something will have consequences which your daughter might not appreciate.

onemouseplace · 28/08/2022 21:10

I don’t own any antiseptic wipes either - does that make me a negligent parent?

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:11

No misunderstanding as my daughter said she was quite clear in asking for the larger ones as the small wouldn't do the job. My daughter bought similar to what they had today and she said two cost her £6. I think they didn't want to give her 2 expensive plasters. She told me that her friend said that her Mum only bought them last week and must have needed them. I would have driven to the nearest pharmacy if I didn't have anything in. The nearest pharmacy is only 5 minutes drive from them. But they actually had suitable plasters anyway. They also had antiseptic wipes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:13

onemouseplace
I don’t own any antiseptic wipes either - does that make me a negligent parent?

Not at all but wouldn't you want a deep cut that your child had cleaned and covered?

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 28/08/2022 21:14

I don't think it's necessary to put disinfectant on a cut or graze, a good rinse under the tap and remove any debris is fine. It seems a bit mean not to give her a plaster though.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:15

Spudina
You have just inspired me to buy antiseptic wipes. I have literally never used them on my kids. (And I’m a nurse). You are right that the other mother could have done better. But if your daughters are friends, saying something will have consequences which your daughter might not appreciate.

I'm definitely not saying anything. My daughter would kill me. Even a bottle of dettol would also do the job.

OP posts:
tenbob · 28/08/2022 21:18

I always thought the best thing for grazes was to leave them to get air and scab over?

My mum was a nurse and we never ever got antiseptic wipes or plasters on grazes!
Clean the grit out with water and then not allowed to pick the scabs. We never had infections… they must be rare for grazes?

Azandme · 28/08/2022 21:18

I grew up in the school of wash cuts, take out any grit, and let them air.

The body has a system for dealing with cuts and grazes that plasters interfere with.

It's also the method I use with my DC.

Antiseptic, fair enough. But plasters? Unnecessary.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:20

Watapalava

i think your dd may be being a bit dramatic

with cuts and grazes a little pressure from a. Damp towel and then letting the air get to it likely is best treatment

teens really don’t usually put plasters in cuts given it doesn’t help them

My daughter is the least dramatic person I know. These were quite deep cuts on her knees that were still oozing crap when she got home today.

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 28/08/2022 21:22

Are you positive this is what happened? Maybe she was drunk and fell and didn't ask for help to get cleaned up for fear of consequences and then made up this elaborate story as to why her cuts weren't adequately treated. That's exactly the kind of thing I would've done as a teenager.

liverpoolnana · 28/08/2022 21:23

When I attended a first aid course, i was told not to use antiseptic wipes on a casualty in case they were allergic. Any wipes provided in a kit were for the first aider's hands only, in case soap and water were not available. As a PP said, a wash with running water would have been recommended. I agree about the big plasters being needed to protect the wound from clothing until she got home. Actually, to tell the truth, a gauze swab with micropore tape to fix it round the edges would be my first choice, or even kitchen paper..

Iwantamarshmallowman · 28/08/2022 21:24

yanbu.

tenbob · 28/08/2022 21:24

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:20

Watapalava

i think your dd may be being a bit dramatic

with cuts and grazes a little pressure from a. Damp towel and then letting the air get to it likely is best treatment

teens really don’t usually put plasters in cuts given it doesn’t help them

My daughter is the least dramatic person I know. These were quite deep cuts on her knees that were still oozing crap when she got home today.

I’m not a doctor so happy to be corrected but when they are ‘oozing crap’, isn’t that the body’s way of getting rid of it?

so slapping a plaster on and squeezing the oozy crap back into the wound is the opposite of what your body is trying to do?

like when people have diarrhoea and their body is desperately trying to get the crap (literally) out of their body but they then take Imodium to trap it all in

trust the process!

Pua · 28/08/2022 21:24

The information suggests

  1. Mum feels uncomfortable in social situations
  2. Theyre disorganised or do not prioritise first aid
  3. Someone in the house has a need for the big plasters hence why they were purchased recently

It could be socially awkward parent with medical need did her best in a situation she found tough and youre treating her unfairly and very harshly.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:25

@Pua
She's a dentist.

OP posts:
Dinoboymama · 28/08/2022 21:26

I have never had antiseptic wipes we use water.

I have only ever used 1 plaster on one of our DC and it was someone else who offered them it and I felt I couldn't say mo. I let the air get to grazes and if cuts are to big go to the hospital for stitches or glue if needed.

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