To be pissed off with this Mum

[Theblacksheepandme]

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

Whoa. Nice but of fiction there.
Honestly! Mumsnet, man!!

OP, how's your daughter's knees today?

Wow, that's some overactive imagination you have there and based on a whole load of assumptions. I had clarified some of the things you mentioned up thread in relation to dropping my daughter home, not traipsing around the shops and us Mothers not knowing each other well but hell you stay in that little World you have stepped into. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt before you went on a wild tangent. Your not a npn fiction story writer by any chance?

One of her knees has a bit of yellow gunk out of it and we are just keeping it clean. I think it will take a couple of weeks to heal completely while everything starts scabbing over. Thanks for asking.

A bit of fiction can make one chuckle now and again.

He he 😀 not a writer! (thanks though! That sounds way more of an interesting profession than mine!!)

Actually, in all honesty OP, you sound like a lovely caring mum :) (I'm actually not uncaring myself, just keep seeing myself in this mums shoes, knowing the kind of things that run through my head when I'm hosting! and wondering what the other side of the story is :) so thought I'd write down what the scenarios might be if I had been this mum! Obviously there are multiple different stories which could all fit the scenarios! We don't know the girls mum, so just saying how it would be if it had been me hosting) (thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt before :)!)

I’m guessing the mum had some purpose in mind for the big plasters (which I’m sure weren’t nicotine patches!) but there was an accident at hand which required them and I think they should have been offered.

It’s a bit surprising to me that they wouldn’t be because honestly I have a stack of such plasters which are probably a decade old now, it’s rare for anyone here (visitors included) to have an injury that needs one.

I don’t think I have antiseptic wipes but I have wipes which I would have offered.

I definitely think the other mum is a bad host: ungenerous and uncaring.

…And I think a lot of people on Mumsnet are far too keen to play the devil’s advocate. I hope your daughter heals up soon, OP. If she needs any more big plasters I’m happy to send you mine!

I didn't say you were a good writer so I'd stick to the day job.

Will do!!! 👍

I must say, it's difficult when you start reading nasty comments about your daughter and people resort to name calling. It does restore my faith in humanity when the kind comments come through as well.

I don't even mind the disagreeing with me as that is what the forum is for but there are kinder, nicer and more constructive ways to disagree with someone without resorting to name calling their young teenager.

So thank you to the kinder comments.

YABU she tried her best.

How is walking away from the DD when she's asked for a first aid kit, not getting her plasters when she asks for them, even though there are some in the house, then refusing to let her use the appropriate-sized plasters that she's found in any way "doing her best"?

This thread is the weirdest thing. Some people on MN are honestly absolutely hell-bent on the absolute worst-faith possible reading of the OP. OP says DD cut herself quite badly, everyone just assumes it was a small and mild graze... wtf?

I think one of the issues is that it's actually pretty rare for teens and adults to actually cut themselves, as we don't run and climb as much as much as under-10s do. But I can absolutely 100% assure every single divvy in this thread who thinks "teenagers don't need plasters on cuts" that if you did fall over and cut yourself badly to the extent it was bleeding and oozing the next day, you would need a plaster every bit as much as a child in the same position.

OP, this woman reminds me so much of one of my aunts. Especially now you've mentioned the food thing. She used to do things like, try her best to never give any guests food, but if she had to then she would blatantly and ostentatiously give her children the biggest and best portions and give her nieces and nephews the crappier stuff. Coke was reserved for her kids, no one else could have any. I remember once when we were quite little and we were at a swimming pool together, and us kids all wanted to go to down the water slide but we were a bit nervous so it was agreed my mum would accompany the kids to the top of the slide and my aunt would catch us at the bottom. Well my aunt caught her own children but swam out of the way when her other nieces and nephews came down, to just let us splash down into the water! No actual harm done, but just constant little reminders to say "this person doesn't like you very much". Very unpleasant and strange behaviour. This woman sounds very much like that...

I don’t actually have packs of antiseptic wipes in the house. If my kids have cut/scraped we clean with fresh water and then apply plaster - sometimes some antiseptic cream. We do have a couple of first aid kits for taking out of the house - they do have wipes in but only a couple. I have boxes of plasters - constantly replacing them - but never seem to have the right size when I need them!! Lol. The big ones get used up first. I would definitely have made sure she was properly cleaned up and covered though. If it happened in my house and I’d ran out of the essentials I’d have nipped out for something.

Hydrocolloid plasters OP and hopefully your DD will be playing basketball again soon sorry her friends Mum was so weird. YANBU

Jeez - what a load of drama. A 14 year old has scabs on her knees people - she will live! 🙄

You are not being unreasonable about her not receiving bandages. That's ridiculous if they truly had them and didn't allow her to have a couple. I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't worry too much about any disinfectant wipes. It's actually better to clean a surface wound (meaning not deep lacerations) with clean water if possible. Antiseptic wipes are more for if you don't have access to clean water to wash it. They can damage the skin and make it take longer to heal. But bandages were definitely called for. I'd personally ask the parents about the scenario to see what they have to say. Otherwise I imagine it will be difficult to trust putting the care of your daughter into their hands again.

How old is your daughter if you don’t mind me asking?

I feel like you and you’re daughter are being abit dramatic. I can understand you being mad if she hadn’t helped your daughter at all
however being mad simply because she didn’t give her a bigger plaster seems silly!

No mention of hospital or stitches etc so sounds like just a minor injury (which I know can be most painful sometimes). I don’t mean to sound awful as you’re clearly a great mum for being so worried but try not to wrap your kids up in cotton wool so much. Majority of people would of just used water and a clean cloth for something so small. People are too soft now a days, as a kid when we hurt ourselves we had a quick cry and got back up like nothing was wrong. Let alone a teenager.

Teens hurt themselves, at least the other mum provided her stuff to clean it, maybe there was a reason she couldn’t give her the other plasters.

Hope your daughter is okay!! You’re a good mum for being so concerned xxx