To be pissed off with this Mum

[Theblacksheepandme]

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

@Somethingneedstochange78
They are different to what my daughter bought but would have done the job. She went to the local pharmacy and bought what they recommended her to buy.

I’m a nurse my kid would be told to go give them a wash under the tap, you don’t need antiseptic wipes for cuts or grazes!

For all you know the bigger plasters could have been special ones and not just normal plasters. Mind you I’d have have told them to apply some pressure with a flannel/but of kitchen towel until they stopped bleeding 🤷‍♀️

Mouldyfeet
I’m a nurse my kid would be told to go give them a wash under the tap, you don’t need antiseptic wipes for cuts or grazes!

For all you know the bigger plasters could have been special ones and not just normal plasters. Mind you I’d have have told them to apply some pressure with a flannel/but of kitchen towel until they stopped bleeding 🤷‍♀️

I thought we got past the antiseptic derailment. Anyway, it's interesting that a couple of nurses find me unreasonable.

I worked with a guy that was married to a nurse and he said she completely lacked empathy. We said that perhaps she was desensitized considering the major crap nurses go through and see.

He said his 7 year old hurt her ankle doing gymnastics one evening and was hobbling along complaining for a few days. His wife said she was fine and just a sprain and being a drama queen. He eventually insisted on bringing her to A&E and her ankle was broken.

I have come across a few nurses that parent like this.

You seem to be missing the point op. You’ve asked AIBU and many of us have said ‘your way of dealing with things is a little over the top and your being a bit sensitive’ and you basically called us all psychopaths. It’s totally normal to not fuss over a minor injury in a teen. It’s also totally normal to offer a bit of TLC. Both have their merits and either is normal. Your DDs friends mum is just on a different part of the spectrum of ‘fussiness’ to you.

Well they will obviously know how busy A and E can get. They won't want to be that person that show's up all the time they can sort it themselves. I badly injured my ankle once was hobbling around for days on it. Eventually went to A and E few days later as it was really swollen and bruised. After an x-ray was told it was just a bad sprain. Told me to keep it elevated and put frozen peas on it. Virtually impossible as a single mum of two autistic kids. I got some ibuprofen gel and a compression bandage and was fine after about a week. Always have them in first aid supplies now.

she;s a teenager - presumably she could ahve phoned you if she felt she needed more assistance? Or come straight home in the morning rather than traipsing into town with her mates?

ThinWomansBrain
she;s a teenager - presumably she could ahve phoned you if she felt she needed more assistance? Or come straight home in the morning rather than traipsing into town with her mates?

She has to go through a town to get home from her friends house. She asked her friends Mum to stop at the pharmacy so she could buy the plasters for her knee. Went in bought the plasters and her friends Mum then drove her home. I never said she was traipsing around town.

Somethingneedstochange78
Well they will obviously know how busy A and E can get. They won't want to be that person that show's up all the time they can sort it themselves. I badly injured my ankle once was hobbling around for days on it. Eventually went to A and E few days later as it was really swollen and bruised. After an x-ray was told it was just a bad sprain. Told me to keep it elevated and put frozen peas on it. Virtually impossible as a single mum of two autistic kids. I got some ibuprofen gel and a compression bandage and was fine after about a week. Always have them in first aid supplies now.

At the cost of her daughters broken ankle? My daughter had never attended A&E and it infuriates me when people go for minor injuries that can be dealt with at home. We certainly agree on that.

Thurst
You seem to be missing the point op. You’ve asked AIBU and many of us have said ‘your way of dealing with things is a little over the top and your being a bit sensitive’ and you basically called us all psychopaths. It’s totally normal to not fuss over a minor injury in a teen. It’s also totally normal to offer a bit of TLC. Both have their merits and either is normal. Your DDs friends mum is just on a different part of the spectrum of ‘fussiness’ to you.

I would absolutely never call anyone a psychopath. Am I not allowed to stand up for myself? Is this not what a forum is for. Maybe I should just agree with everyone. Calling my daughter a drama llama, snowflake, liar, stating she was probably drunk etc is not nice. People can debate without resorting to being nasty. Perhaps I am overly sensitive to people being nasty. I apologise for that but I certainly didn't resort to calling anyone a psychopath.

I feel a bit sorry for this mum to be honest.

-She kindly had your daughter to stay the night.
-When your daughter hurt herself she asked if she was ok.
-When you daughter asked for plasters and antiseptic wipes she looked high and low and found a wipe and a few small plasters.
-She kindly drove your daughter home after she had stayed the night, and stopped in town for your daughter to get bigger plasters.

I know this mum is different to you, but I don't think she's done too badly! She was hosting a (confident by the sound of it) teen. Not an anxious 6 year old. I think she should be thanked for hosting and driving your daughter home.

Perhaps your daughter is a nuisance? She sounds like she is quite needy when away from home.

I know all teens are different, but my 13 year old comes home with cuts/scrapes/bruises quite alot! If I had got her a plaster, she would of laughed at me and called me a cringe! Each to their own I suppose!

UWhatNow
Perhaps your daughter is a nuisance? She sounds like she is quite needy when away from home.

Do you think adding more to the name calling is really constructive? SmileyClare described a household she used to visit as a teen and I replied that it is a similar set up to what my daughter described. She has a group of friends and only mentions this Mum and household to be like this. None of the others are like this. Perhaps your household is similar to what SmileyClare described and you obviously think I am in the wrong and my daughter is needy?

Yes she was nice enough to drop the wee girl home

Iced
I know all teens are different, but my 13 year old comes home with cuts/scrapes/bruises quite alot! If I had got her a plaster, she would of laughed at me and called me a cringe! Each to their own I suppose!

RTFT on what I discussed on the use of plasters in my house.

@TiredzzZZ
I also host sleepovers and drop the girls home. It's not like I dont repay the complement. My daughter also always bakes a cake as a thank you to all parents she visits. I regularly get complemented on bringing up such a mannerly girl. I also completely take on board what you said.

@Iced
My wee girls friend also gets dropped home by me when she stays over. I have never received a thank you.

I've also witnessed this with nurses/doctors/medical professionals

I think all the people on this thread saying that anyone who wants to put a plaster on a cut is a 'drama llama' is either one of the above, or one of those people who had to suffer in life and now thinks everyone else should suffer too

The replies on this thread is insane! I read it out to my DP and we both agreed that it was bizarre and if you judged the world by the comments you read on mumsnet, you'd think most people are horrible

They are judging by their own standards @Theblacksheepandme. I wondered what parallel universe i had dropped into where if a 14 year old falls over they are either drunk, drugged or both! I must be incredibly lucky with my teens.

Calm your farm OP. If someone is going to tag me, I'm going to reply. 🤷‍♀️

Lying and making up stories? The only thing I doubt is that the other mother had large plasters and denied your daughter. A crucial step missing perhaps in the 'telling' of the story. Does that mean everything is a lie and you are making up stories? Defensive, much?

Sure, I think your anger at this mum is way OTT considering they are teens and perfectly capable of rinsing a scraped knee but that doesn't exactly equate to 'lying and making up stories'. From your updates, it seems your dd may not like this mother? That's not going to influence the story, is it?
She got plasters which is what was 'needed' 🤷‍♀️

@PutinIsAWarCriminal
In all fairness all her friends are good girls as well. She does tell me stories of girls in her school that do shock me but not all teenagers are bad. I got lucky as well. I love having her off in the summer as she is such great company. I work from home and eat breakfast at 11am. She gets up and makes my porridge and brings it up to me with juice. She started putting chopped strawberries in it as she told me I need to eat more fruit. It's the kind thoughtful little things that make me appreciate her so much.

But what the OP has described isn't an average cut/scrape/bruise (and as she's already tried to point out, a cut and a scrape are not the same thing)

OP described deep cuts that were bleeding a lot and oozing. That's not just a scrape.

In the normal world, the appropriate response to a deep cut is to clean and cover, regardless of age. If you leave a deep cut 'to air' it can get infected. I remember a couple of years ago I tripped on the street walking back to my partner's parents house, after we had all been out for a meal, and the cut was quite bad - it was bleeding so much that my jeans were soaked with blood. When we got in, DPs mum got the first aid box out (and btw I don't know anyone who doesn't have a first aid box in their house) and insited that her husband clean the wound and put a bandage on as he's a trained first aider. I suppose because I'm an adult they were 'fussing' over me and I was being a snowflake for not just swatting them away and saying that I would manage? I think they were being nice, decent and caring.

I really hope this thread isn't representative of the majority of real people!

She sounds like a sweet girl op. My dc and their friends are similar, they do know a few kids who get drunk or worse at the park, but thankfully they are in the minority and mine stay well clear.

If the mum was me, here's what I'd have been thinking and how events unfolded from my perspective ..

(The OPs daughter, let's call her..) 'Jemima' has come to stay with my daughter at my house for a sleepover. Hope she has a nice time. Her mum seems a bit judgy so I need to make sure I do all the right things as a mum.

After playing with my daughter outside for a while, Jemima comes in with cuts on her knees. I think "Oh shit! What should I do? Looks sore, but I don't want to get over involved. My daughter will be embarrassed if I mollycoddle them or treat the like babies. Jemima probably doesn't want a friend's mum fussing. Mmm.. I'll just ask if she's ok and hand her some.kitchen towel to clean up, and then leave them to it. They are 14 so that's probably what they want."

Later - Jemima comes to see me and asks for plasters. I think, "ah bless her, must be bleeding a bit, good she's asked for a plaster", but "crap crap crap!! I haven't got any!! Maybe there's some somewhere in the cupboard." I start rummaging. As I'm rummaging, my nicotine patches fall out of the cupboard ('oh no!!') Jemima sees the patches and assumes they are big plasters - she asks for one!! I think 'oh shit! What do I say now?!!!' I don't want to say what they are. (Jemima's mum is not the kind of person I want knowing that I used to have a cheeky ciggy in the garden on stressful days) so I just skim over it - 'oh Jemima they aren't really the right plaster for you. Here look! I've found some smaller ones - 4 of these should do it'. Jemima says, 'but can't I have those big ones?' (I really don't want to say they are nicotine patches, so I just say "no, sorry they are for something else").

I'm feeling a bit flustered and then Jemima requests antiseptic wipes!! (Bloody hell!! I think we did have some somewhere a few years ago!!! I'm desperate to find them because I'm worried Jemima will tell her mother what a useless parent I am for not having a well stocked first aid kit, so I rummage and eventually find one wipe! ("Phew!!") Give the wipe to Jemima! :) Now I need a cup of tea!! The girls look like they want to go and chat etc.. and have some privacy, and I want to leave them to it, so i pop off to make a tea.

Next morning, Jemima looks a bit tired and complains her trousers have blood on because the plasters I gave her were not big enough. She has asked me to take her to buy some plasters in town when I drop her home (I'd agreed to drop her home as I didn't want to put her mum out. I'm a big softy like that. Don't like to trouble people. Always give the kids who visit a lift, even though most can walk. Jemima lives a bit further away though, so thought I'd offer to drop her back. Don't want to put her mum out as I know she's busy. Also don't want her mum to see my house! It's a bit messy today and I totally feel judged by Jemima's mum! So easier if I just drop her back!)

Anyway, on the way to drop Jemima home, I stop at boots. The girls jump out the car and go in a couple of shops together, boots and maybe the newsagent. Think they might be grabbing some soft drinks and magazines too. Hope Jemima's had a nice time. My daughter looks happy.

Finally drop Jemima home :) Hope she had a good time.

Later that night at Jemima's house .... her mum writes a Mumsnet thread about how bad and uncaring I am :( I did my best.

This made me chuckle!