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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this Mum

291 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 20:36

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:27

@Pua
Also, I didn't say anything to her so I hardly treated her harshly.

OP posts:
Pruella · 28/08/2022 21:27

What does oozing crap mean? Is there an infection?

Tinkerblonde1 · 28/08/2022 21:29

I have never used antiseptic wipes ever.

I would have been a bit more sympathetic and helped clean a girl's knees though.

sheepandcaravan · 28/08/2022 21:29

@Invisimamma agree. Is this what happened?

Any mum I know would deal with a fall as you describe, but if there was alcohol and other issues going on perhaps that might explain it

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:30

Dinoboymama

I have never had antiseptic wipes we use water.

I have only ever used 1 plaster on one of our DC and it was someone else who offered them it and I felt I couldn't say mo. I let the air get to grazes and if cuts are to big go to the hospital for stitches or glue if needed.

To be honest, I can't remember the last time I used a plaster on my daughter but these cuts were so deep and oozing that they did need to be covered.

OP posts:
Tinkerblonde1 · 28/08/2022 21:31

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:20

Watapalava

i think your dd may be being a bit dramatic

with cuts and grazes a little pressure from a. Damp towel and then letting the air get to it likely is best treatment

teens really don’t usually put plasters in cuts given it doesn’t help them

My daughter is the least dramatic person I know. These were quite deep cuts on her knees that were still oozing crap when she got home today.

I think I would have phoned you if they were this bad.

tenbob · 28/08/2022 21:32

Pruella · 28/08/2022 21:27

What does oozing crap mean? Is there an infection?

Probably just exudate?

Holidaydreamingagain · 28/08/2022 21:32

I’m not sure your daughter is telling you the whole story. I suspect there’s a bit more to it and I also suspect mum might not have been involved but the mums child may have suggested she can’t have the big plasters incase mum starts asking too many questions about what went on leading to such a big cut and need for plasters.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:34

Pruella
What does oozing crap mean? Is there an infection?

Doubt they would be infected that quickly but oozing clear liquid and her tracksuit bottoms were sticking to them. Her knees had lots of fluff from her tracksuit bottoms stuck to them.

OP posts:
Pua · 28/08/2022 21:34

@Theblacksheepandme Being a dentist doesn’t mean you can be socially uncomfortable, disorganised etc

timeforfunfunfun · 28/08/2022 21:37

What on earth happened to her that these cuts were so bad???

Ottersmith · 28/08/2022 21:39

Shows you why the state of dentistry is so shit in this country to be honest.

Quackpot · 28/08/2022 21:39

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:34

Pruella
What does oozing crap mean? Is there an infection?

Doubt they would be infected that quickly but oozing clear liquid and her tracksuit bottoms were sticking to them. Her knees had lots of fluff from her tracksuit bottoms stuck to them.

The clear liquid is plasma. It carries proteins and platelets to the surface to heal the wound. You need to take the plasters off so the plasma can do its job.

phishy · 28/08/2022 21:40

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:30

Dinoboymama

I have never had antiseptic wipes we use water.

I have only ever used 1 plaster on one of our DC and it was someone else who offered them it and I felt I couldn't say mo. I let the air get to grazes and if cuts are to big go to the hospital for stitches or glue if needed.

To be honest, I can't remember the last time I used a plaster on my daughter but these cuts were so deep and oozing that they did need to be covered.

I agree the woman was being stingy with plasters.

But those knees sound quite bad. How did she fall, maybe she needs to see a doctor?

SmileyClare · 28/08/2022 21:40

It's crap that the mum didn't help but great that your dd was self sufficient and bought her own dressings!

It will achieve nothing by speaking to the mum and I don't think it's necessary to stop her going over there. Let dd know she can contact you in future in the event of any "emergencies".

I'm sure her friend is very embarrassed about her mum's hostility to her guests.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:42

Invisimamma
Are you positive this is what happened? Maybe she was drunk and fell and didn't ask for help to get cleaned up for fear of consequences and then made up this elaborate story as to why her cuts weren't adequately treated. That's exactly the kind of thing I would've done as a teenager.

She's 14 and definitely not drunk. Won't snuggle me if I have a gin and tonic in my hand as the smell of alcohol makes her feel sick. She is a very sensible teenager and nothing like I was like.

OP posts:
Greyarea12 · 28/08/2022 21:42

Invisimamma · 28/08/2022 21:22

Are you positive this is what happened? Maybe she was drunk and fell and didn't ask for help to get cleaned up for fear of consequences and then made up this elaborate story as to why her cuts weren't adequately treated. That's exactly the kind of thing I would've done as a teenager.

This was my first thought too.

smelters · 28/08/2022 21:43

I can't believe the mum didn't phone you! If she didn't want to help your Dd she should have contacted you to fetch her,

smelters · 28/08/2022 21:43

Did your Dd not have a phone with her to message you?

Lindy2 · 28/08/2022 21:45

That does seem rather uncaring.

I'll go against the grain here and say that i believe cuts are better off being covered for the first few days at least. It keeps them clean and apparently staying moist leads to better healing with less scaring.

I also use antiseptic cream but I know the official line is not to have antiseptic in a first aid kit and to clean with water.

If a child hurt themselves in my care I'd certainly help them sort their wounds. I'd also ask them to let their parents know what happened and to let them know they were OK.

Your daughter did well in the situation even though she shouldn't have had to do it all herself.

Holidaydreamingagain · 28/08/2022 21:45

But they could have been up to all sorts of things they weren’t meant to be doing which don’t involve alcohol. E.g playing outside in the dark making tik toks, climbing on things they shouldn’t have been etc etc

SmileyClare · 28/08/2022 21:46

I'm pretty sure Op wasn't asking how to treat bad guts and grazes Confused but it's best to clean and cover to prevent infection. Modern plasters and dressings are breathable and will help draw out any embedded debris. "Letting the air to it" is old fashioned advice.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:47

Phishy
I agree the woman was being stingy with plasters.

But those knees sound quite bad. How did she fall, maybe she needs to see a doctor?

Playing basketball and fell hard on tarmac.

OP posts:
Rinatinabina · 28/08/2022 21:51

Yeah if a kid cut themselves while staying with me I would give them what they needed to clean up the cut and appropriate sized plasters if I had them. It’s not something you really have to think about. Would probably be more cautious with other peoples kids than my own in this instance.

I would find it bizarre tbh.

noclothesinbed · 28/08/2022 21:55

That's bad. If I didn't have what she needed I'd have gone to the chemist to get the stuff

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