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AIBU?

Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

356 replies

Fairylights246 · 28/08/2022 00:49

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

OP posts:

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Deadringer · 28/08/2022 00:58

Going Dutch on your birthday meal out is worse than the cheap gift imo. He sounds stingy, nothing worse than a mean man.

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Longdistance · 28/08/2022 01:00

Gah! He’s a miser. Get rid. You have been warned.

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Cas112 · 28/08/2022 01:01

If this is the effort he goes to your birthday then it is probably not going to get much better. It's more the effort that's the issue not the money and it really doesn't sound like he put any thought or effort into any of it

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BearFacedCheekGrylls · 28/08/2022 01:02

That doesn’t sound like a fat lot of effort or thought. He could have done something really sweet or personal if money was an issue. Even if he was tight he still could have made more effort

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ReeseWitherfork · 28/08/2022 01:02

Happy birthday OP. I’d be disappointed too. My DH isn’t a big “celebrator” but he’ll happily throw money at something so that he has to avoid putting effort in. I can’t work out your boyfriends angle at all. I’d say he’s just careful with his money (read: “tight”) but not if he’s happily spending money on himself.

Have there been any other incidences like this?

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TiaraBoo · 28/08/2022 01:02

Some people just don’t do fussing on birthdays. Better to find out now than to be seething on your 40th!

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Trying20 · 28/08/2022 01:03

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Trying20 · 28/08/2022 01:07

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JanePrentiss · 28/08/2022 01:08

Cautious with money is one thing, but if he can't reaplace money even with time, eg "I've made a picnic, we'll go to your favourite place to enjoy it then when we get back home I'll cook your favourite meal and massage your back while you pick a film of your choice" is not costly but demands time and effort. If he isn't spending his money on your birthday, ask is he spend g time and effort as a lovely gesture. If not then definitely get rid

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Anystarinthesky · 28/08/2022 01:15

He's cheap, that wasn't good enough for your birthday.

I think he should have treated you to the meal out.

Being miserly is not an attractive quality.

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Christmasiscominghohoho · 28/08/2022 01:29

He suggested a meal out for your birthday and then made you pay half? Bin him off.

No effort there what so ever. I got better presents of my friends for my 30th and they don’t even have much spare money.

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Moonshine5 · 28/08/2022 01:29

It's just wrong full stop. I would be questioning why you are dating him? It's not the amount (as troubling as that is) it's the lack of effort.
You don't feel special as he not treating you specially quite the opposite. He's showing you what you mean to him. Believe it.

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PaddleBoardingMomma · 28/08/2022 01:32

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY REALLY ARE… BELIEVE IT THE FIRST TIME!

He’s made it clear what sort of person he is, he’s shown you with actions not just words. Believe what he’s showing you and get out.

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Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2022 01:38

Some people are cautious with money - he’s one of them. It’s not a bad thing.

Fucking hell, some people will make excuses for anything. The twat wanted her to pay half for her own birthday dinner. FFS. Only a complete arsehole would do that. You've been warned, op.

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BensonStabler · 28/08/2022 01:51

I was half expecting this to be one of those spoilt women who expect huge amounts of money to be thrown at them and ridiculous amounts of effort and thought into things and anything less there is hell to pay.

You are clearly not that type and it’s definitely him that’s the problem. Splitting the meal, the cheap already broken necklace are awful, but even money aside, it is the love, effort and time that were lacking just as much, if not more.

Especially the money splashed out on things for himself. I was stuck with a partner like that for way too long. He made that half assed effort in the beginning and years later when it got worse i realised that was actually his best effort!! He was so selfish and literally only treated himself to expensive things and expensive golf membership, equipment, clothes etc but nada for me despite milestones or special holidays. There were never any Valentines or anniversary gifts/cards, which i wasn’t bothered about money being spent on me, it’s the lack of romance and thoughtfulness that always broke my heart. Christmas was a little money to go shop myself because he couldn’t be bothered. Mine and anyone else’s birthday he bought card on day of from petrol station or store with no time looking at a card choice, just price that will do, and same with gift around a tenner or less.

Then even with his own child he wouldn’t treat them and happily spent on himself instead, while their mother went without even to make up for it and get what she could despite him having a lot more money in savings and income than her.

I’d say it’s not looking good for the future, sorry 🙁

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excitingusername · 28/08/2022 01:52

Dear me! This should be the 'honeymoon' stage of your relationship only 9 months in. And your 30th too! What an unempathetic tool he is. This can only get worse.

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Thesethingsareudderrated · 28/08/2022 02:14

Bin OP. I've been there. It doesn't get better. He's a tight arse.

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Thesethingsareudderrated · 28/08/2022 02:16

As PPs have said, it's not about the value , but the effort and the fact he has cash and made you split your own birthday day meal is woeful.

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SpangledShambles · 28/08/2022 02:20

Agree with others. It’s not the cost. It’s the lack of care. One for the bin OP, chuck the necklace as well.

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AiryFairyLights · 28/08/2022 02:22

YANBU but I think a lot of men don’t understand the importance of birthdays/milestones like women do - and I know that sounds so sexist and I don’t mean it to be (there’s lots of women too)
He probably thinks he did a great job getting you a card AND present, but he’s definitely a tight arse for wanting to split the bill for your birthday meal!

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redtshirt50 · 28/08/2022 02:23

I was with someone for years who made no effort on my birthday.

Would get me reduced flowers from the petrol station, take me out for a meal but to his favorite restaurant etc

Once he gave me a blank card because he couldn't find a pen to write on it....

Honestly, I think it was a major red flag I should have paid more attention to

I agree it's not about the money. It's about making someone feel special and appreciated.

That said - if this is the only issue you've had so far, I would tell him honestly that you feel upset and explain what you would have preferred... then see if he attempts to make it up to you in the coming days.

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LondonQueen · 28/08/2022 02:32

It's a no from me. Leave him now, it won't get better.

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DillDanding · 28/08/2022 02:36

He’s cheap and unromantic. Dump him.

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BirdWatch · 28/08/2022 02:48

Throw that one back OP.

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Watchthesunrise · 28/08/2022 03:16

Dump him and tell him why.

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