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Original poster

Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

356 replies

Fairylights246 · 28/08/2022 00:49

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

OP posts:
ShirleyJackson · 28/08/2022 03:17

Tight as a duck’s arse in a sandstorm. Bin.

merrymelodies · 28/08/2022 03:19

Big red flag 🚩 Dump him. Seriously.

ShedHead7 · 28/08/2022 03:22

He made you go halves on your birthday meal!?! The necklace is slightly forgivable in the fact that some blokes have absolutely zero idea when it comes to gift giving, but the meal is unforgivable. If you stay with him you're in for a miserable miserly future I'm afraid.

CatSeany · 28/08/2022 03:41

I would cut and run. My Dad is one of the most generous people I know with money ... doesn't have a lot but would give all of us his last penny if we asked. As such I've grown up being equally generous with people I care about and so I can't understand selfishness with money. We actually just share all of our money now, but if my partner couldn't even buy me dinner 9 months in, I think that would be a red flag that a few years down the line he's gonna be hoarding his own money and still be being tight.

xanadu88 · 28/08/2022 03:59

To him, that is how much you are worth to him. The equivalent of 3 cups of coffee.

Time to say bye bye.

It is your 30th ! You deserve much better than that. If he had no money, I would understand but noo.......

MistyRock · 28/08/2022 04:06

If he can't make an effort for the first birthday he's had being your boyf/partner than I very much doubt he'll make any effort for the next. Its not so much the money as he could have gone out of his way and bought something thoughtful, it's the complete lack of thought and lack of any personalising of it all. Imo it will only get worse.

ParsleyPesto · 28/08/2022 04:10

You don’t know what to say? You say, byebye 👋

Isonthecase · 28/08/2022 05:07

Could he just be totally clueless? You're still in the age group where some people might still be living at home or on their first girlfriend so genuinely not have twigged whilst still being a nice person. I can imagine my brother doing something like this but he can be really generous and caring, he just needs a bit of a prompt sometimes.

mistopheles · 28/08/2022 05:21

You know you deserve better than this. Best to get out now.

SomeFuckingWizardry · 28/08/2022 05:30

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

OP don't listen to this nonsense.

The man who can't be generous enough to treat you to a birthday dinner despite being able to afford it is the same kind of man who will still be demanding a 50-50 contribution to the household when you're on basic maternity pay or will be leaving all baby clothes/toys/nappies/childcare costs to you alone.

Don't commit yourself to this miser!

Hoolihan · 28/08/2022 05:33

For my 30th (when we had been together five years) I picked out a bracelet I liked and had to accompany (escort) him to the shop to buy it. He got me nothing else, not even a card.

For my 40th he bought me the pair of boots I had chosen, but they arrived a week late because he didnt order them in time, plus he got me a box of Quality Street.

For my 50th I don't suppose he'll be getting me anything because I'll be long gone 🙌

MassiveSalad22 · 28/08/2022 05:35

Nah, get rid. 9 months in he should be much more exciting than this!! Lazy stingy man. Nope!

TheBermudaTriangle · 28/08/2022 05:36

Massively got the ick reading your post - this guy obviously has the means, but did not make any real effort on your birthday. I would finish things - otherwise, you are showing him that you accept this minimal effort.

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 06:03

He's tight. A lifetime of disappointment awaits for you with him.

Nine months in he will still be on best behaviour impress mode until he's got you married or pregnant and he can take his foot off the gas, so basically this is as good as it gets with this individual.

It's all down hill from here in terms of thought and effort.

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 06:06

You've been dating for 9 months
So maybeseen eachother 9 times?
What did you expect? A pearl necklace

He ordered you something. Yes maybe cheap but is that really all you care about?it makes you sound shallow af

Justine878 · 28/08/2022 06:12

I'm a birthday person, and I married a birthday person, and it worked out well. Some people don't get excited by their own birthday, or anybody else's. I actually don't see any problem with that but it's not me. It sounds like you feel the relationship is good, I would personally accept his approach to birthdays, and reciprocate on an equal basis. Over time you may be able to talk about it and say why you think birthdays are important, and tell him what you want (effort and to feel special).

If he didn't treat you well, was caring and affectionate every day, then my advice would be different. But I do think how people treat you on a day to day basis is the most important thing.

But I would have been a bit disappointed as well!

Happy Birthday!!!🎂🎉🎊🍾

miltonj · 28/08/2022 06:14

While it's ok to not be a big spender or to be cautious, this man is happy to spend on himself. A 30th birthday of s girlfriend is different. It's not like you're constantly demanding gifts snd being materialistic. I think we should all be expected to be spoilt on a big birthday by our partner. I'd make it very clear to him that you feel let down snd that birthdays are important to you. If you don't you'll be putting up with low effort in all aspects of your relationship for a long time.

Muddledminx · 28/08/2022 06:18

If this is how he is in the romantic phase, it doesnt bode well for the future. Cast your net further.

TabithaTittlemouse · 28/08/2022 06:20

Cheap can be done nicely (breakfast in bed, picnic in the park, a massage, a bunch of flowers) he’s more than cheap, he is uncaring and not very thoughtful.

Dh got me a beautiful vintage purse about 6 months after we got together. It didn’t cost much but he had really thought about it, it was beautiful. He had taken time to find something that I would really love.

Blinky21 · 28/08/2022 06:22

Is he caring and considerate in other ways? Does he make you feel special? My worry would be not that he's tight, but that he doesn't think the relationship is worth the effort

RudsyFarmer · 28/08/2022 06:23

That’s called a red flag!

Suprima · 28/08/2022 06:35

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 06:06

You've been dating for 9 months
So maybeseen eachother 9 times?
What did you expect? A pearl necklace

He ordered you something. Yes maybe cheap but is that really all you care about?it makes you sound shallow af

I feel sorry that you have such low expectations of how someone should be treated :(

Suprima · 28/08/2022 06:37

Yeah- it’s shit and cheap but you’ll end up staying with him anyway I imagine.

You’ll be back when he hasn’t bothered about Christmas, Valentine’s Day and when the £12 Amazon necklace becomes ‘I forgot’

occasions are a chance to show you care about a person and to make a fuss. He can afford the time and money to spoil you- but he doesn’t want to.

RunningSME · 28/08/2022 06:40

I went out with somebody last night who I met on the Internet and spoken to twice he bought me dinner there was no question if I was going Dutch or splitting the bill.
honestly you young girls need to raise the bar.

dottiedodah · 28/08/2022 06:46

I would be rethinking my rl tbh. If he is spending on himself and expecting you to have a cheap and nasty present and to go halves on your birthday then it doesn't look good. I would let him know and see what he says .if he gives you crap about women being materialistic or any crap like that just dump 🙄

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