Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

[Fairylights246]

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

Get rid. Although looking up the price of a present is pretty poor form too in my opinion, so you might deserve each other!

I think splitting the meal is worse than the present.

It's not the money but how he validates your feelings. He must know that you expected some level of treat on your birthday. To not do so shows insensitivity or he is making a statement that you shouldn't feel special.

I've had experience of someone like this and it's now a massive red flag. Words are cheap...if you feel undervalued then listen to your instincts. You posted here because you felt uneasy and nearly everyone agrees.

It's so disappointing to have to end a relationship that showed potential but it's better to do so then live a life of being undervalued by the person that is supposed to love you.

RUN

I suppose you just have to think if you're happy for this to be the level of input on birthdays going forward?
My OH told me early on he wasn't big on birthdays and I told him I was. We've been together 7 years now and I've had one decent one- we were on holiday (that I'd organised 🙄)
I'm done being disappointed so I've told him this year I want nothing, I don't want anything but for him to have the kids and I'm going into the city alone to shop and have lunch by myself. I'm excited actually.

Some people aren't birthday people and try as they might they just can't get into the spirit of it, or understand the importance unless they've been bought up that way.

This would give me the Ick. Bin him!

@Trying20

your other half didn’t even get you a card for your 30th birthday

that’s so shit of him

Hi op, I'd be really hurt too and I'm not that bothered about being treated.

My bf isn't into gifts and only likes practical things himself as he's an environmentalist but even he got me a gift (asked me what I wanted) and a takeaway on my birthday (lockdown). He buys very little for himself because he doesn't like to consume and uses things until they can't br repaired anymore.

Whereas your boyfriend splashes out on himself and he didn't even treat you for dinner!

How are things going generally? Is it possible he's going to split with you soon?

Maybe he is struggling with money but then he could have saved a bit.

Ah ignore the last bit you say he isn't struggling. Sorry.

I wouldn’t be bothered about the birthday present, but suggesting you go halves on your birthday meal is really mean-minded.

Dump him. He doesn't put any effort into your birthday and he is tight.

A gift given, for a big birthday, which broke within minutes? I'd be looking it up too!

Does he have a LOT of redeeming qualities?

Looks like he’s going to need them! 😐

I married the man that did similar to me, not cheap just zero thought or effort, he subsequently ruined my 40th birthday.

We have been very very close to splitting up in my early 40s I had a big think about what I wanted in life. He did manage to turn it around. It's been a long slog and now I get all kinds of thoughtful gifts, days out, meals booked etc.

They can turn it around, if they genuinely want too, he just used the excuse his family didn't do gifts (they don't) they are equally awful.

He may be signalling to you that he doesn't want a future with you by not spending any effort or resources on your 30th birthday - I had that with a boyfriend once when I was turning 30. I took the hint and dumped him and found someone much nicer!!

I know this sounds extreme but dump him and tell him why but, but this is a clear red flag for the future, one I wished I'd taken notice of with my first husband. I had 8 years with the miserly sod. 8 years of no gifts, no treats, no nothing. Then when I divorced him he went abroad to avoid paying cma for his son. He came back when DS was 18 expecting a relationship with him. He didn't get one.

He's happy to spoil himself but won't spoil you

Perhaps he doesn't do birthdays?

Maybe at 9 months in he thinks you're getting ready to move on so it would be a waste.

Perhaps he thought it looked nice, OH is getting better but even now still buys me things he thinks look nice but are rubbish, not as often though he is learning.

Splitting your birthday meal at this stage is crap. I have however been out for birthday meals with OH and paid it all, but then we are married and share finances so it makes no difference as it comes out the same account.

But he actually gave you the best present possible - shown he doesn’t care about you too much (how is it different from any other day out?), and given you the opportunity to not waste any time on him. I’d say thank you and bye

I would leave him, it's not going to get better. He can't be arsed making an effort when you've only been together nine months and its your 30th birthday? He is showing you that he doesn't think that much of you. He says he loves you every day but talk is cheap and so is he!

I wish we had a like button here, this is a great way to look at it.

When is his birthday? Get him some pants from primark and offer to go halves on a Nando’s

Some people are cautious with money - he’s one of them. It’s not a bad thing.

Being sensible about money is a good thing. But this is sheer stinginess. A very unattractive quality in anyone. And for me, in a potential partner, a dealbreaker.

What did he say when the necklace broke after ten minutes?

Run for the hills!
Halves on your birthday meal?!!!! Embarrassing and very mean.