Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

[Fairylights246]

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

Well, I would like people who are close to me to respect MY wishes and preferences and NOT rely on cultural norms! You go by cultural norms with strangers and casual acquaintances. With people who are close, you go by your knowlsdge of them.

I can't bear to have my birthday, and especially any age-milestone, marked or made a fuss of, in any way whatsoever! If my partner or family member rode roughshod over my wishes in honour of a 'cultural norm' it would hurt me very badly. While I do enjoy Christmas and other occasions, honouring 'special days' is very very low on my priority list for a partner, compared with everything else from washing-up(!) to being a good conversationalist to being patient with my phobias and idiosyncrasies. I realize that this isn't the same for everyone!

I do get the impression that the OP's partner was not considering her own tastes and preferences, and was just giving her a generic gift and card; and that she was really hurt by this, rather than the monetary value. I can fully understand this. But I still think (in response to your post, not the OP) that close relationships should not be based on observing 'cultural norms'.

@ddl1 I think the point here is that the OP is upset because a norm that could be expected, wasn't.

If you have made it clear that you are the exception to the rule and would be offended by your partner marking your birthday, that's fine, but that's not what the OP is experiencing.

Glad you have your wishes heard though, and don't feel upset on your birthday.

Leave him. It was a special birthday and he could've made it special without spending money (light candles, cook for you, thoughtful card etc) this won't get better he sounds very stingy and you will end up trapped if you have kids with him if he guards his money xx

Well.. are you still together? Did he get you anything better for Christmas? :D

Yes - he’s a tightwad !

Oh he wanted to do this...and he wanted to do that. But he didn't do any of it...not off his own back. He sloped off after he'd been given a row but that's all.
He's playing the innocent here but unless you want to end up as his surrogate bloody mother (ugh), I'd take it as an indication of being cheap and lazy and note it down.