Page 3 | Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

Fairylights246 · 2022-08-27T23:49:10+00:00

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday. He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each. He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect. I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

Paq · 28/08/2022 06:51

I'm not one for making a massive fuss on birthdays but it was your 30th fgs! A thoughtful card and a nice dinner is not too much to ask.

How does he treat you normally? Is he a bit of a miser?

Paq · 28/08/2022 06:53

honestly you young girls need to raise the bar.

OP is 30. Not a "young girl"!

NewerCurtains · 28/08/2022 06:54

That would upset me too! It's not the value of the gift but the lack of effort and thought. When I've had no money, I've still been able to make people's birthdays special by making a cake or organising a really nice walk/picnic. It's not about money but effort.

Is he like this in other areas? You should definitely talk to him.

RunningSME · 28/08/2022 06:54

Paq · 28/08/2022 06:53

honestly you young girls need to raise the bar.

OP is 30. Not a "young girl"!

You’re right. My 18-year-old wouldn’t put up with that shit.

C1N1C · 28/08/2022 06:55

While i DO agree that splitting a bill and the effort made is a bit underwhelming, I think there are a lot of selfish, shallow people in this post not looking at the bigger picture.

Too much effort is placed on birthdays, Valentine's days etc. They are the bane of many relationships because of all the people you see above. My wife is like that actually... she will happily spend massive amounts of money on extravagant gifts on my birthday or events, but ignore me every other day for the rest of the year. Kissing, hugs, any form of intimacy... all zero for the whole year (or if they do happen, they're done grudgingly), but I'll get a holiday on my birthday! Oral sex (apologies I've diverted it this way), is something pretty exclusively done for the recipient... it takes 5 minutes and is so so amazing, and she is really good at it... once a year! I've told her I'd take that even every few weeks than something she can solve with a credit card... even hugs and kisses... those daily small gestures that actually MEAN something.

So no, 100% disagree with all the media-influenced shallows above... if he makes you feel loved, cherished, happy, content and you get those butterflies when he enters a room, let a day of ball-dropping slide. Of course, he might not... (devil's advocate), and it could be that this is actually reflection of other disappointing personality issues, in which case, yes, he's probably not worthy of your affection... but on its own, as a one-off incident, for him to be chastised for this when 99% of the posters above haven't even asked about the rest of the relationship, is a tragedy.

I personally think it doesn't look good, but I'd would encourage you to weigh the relationship as a whole rather than judge on one day. Whether that weighing comes out favourably or unfavourably is another matter!

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 06:59

It's the complete lack of effort, isn't it. If he'd have bought a nice card and taken you for a meal and paid for it all you probably wouldn't have minded the shit present, but all of it combined just screams 'you're not that important'. It's really mean.

When did he suggest splitting the bill? When you were there or before you went? Why didn't you challenge him?

Mumspair1 · 28/08/2022 07:08

PaddleBoardingMomma · 28/08/2022 01:32

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY REALLY ARE… BELIEVE IT THE FIRST TIME!

He’s made it clear what sort of person he is, he’s shown you with actions not just words. Believe what he’s showing you and get out.

This! And save yourself years and years of being disappointed about the many ways he's going to let you down.

Tabasco007 · 28/08/2022 07:09

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 06:06

You've been dating for 9 months
So maybeseen eachother 9 times?
What did you expect? A pearl necklace

He ordered you something. Yes maybe cheap but is that really all you care about?it makes you sound shallow af

Well I hope OP has seen him more than once a month! Surely they've been seeing each other a few times a week....

OP, meanness isn't an attractive quality, if you really see a future with him, I think you should let him know how disappointed you are, from his reaction to that, like it he's sorry, and does something nice, then you can decide what to do. Unless you have only seen him once a month, in which case, maybe the relationship isn't that serious anyway.

Queenoftheashes · 28/08/2022 07:12

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

After nine months he should have made more effort than he did.

getting her a takeaway would have done. Asking her for half for a birthday meal out is just offensive.

numberthirtytwowindsorgardens · 28/08/2022 07:14

C1N1C · 28/08/2022 06:55

While i DO agree that splitting a bill and the effort made is a bit underwhelming, I think there are a lot of selfish, shallow people in this post not looking at the bigger picture.

Too much effort is placed on birthdays, Valentine's days etc. They are the bane of many relationships because of all the people you see above. My wife is like that actually... she will happily spend massive amounts of money on extravagant gifts on my birthday or events, but ignore me every other day for the rest of the year. Kissing, hugs, any form of intimacy... all zero for the whole year (or if they do happen, they're done grudgingly), but I'll get a holiday on my birthday! Oral sex (apologies I've diverted it this way), is something pretty exclusively done for the recipient... it takes 5 minutes and is so so amazing, and she is really good at it... once a year! I've told her I'd take that even every few weeks than something she can solve with a credit card... even hugs and kisses... those daily small gestures that actually MEAN something.

So no, 100% disagree with all the media-influenced shallows above... if he makes you feel loved, cherished, happy, content and you get those butterflies when he enters a room, let a day of ball-dropping slide. Of course, he might not... (devil's advocate), and it could be that this is actually reflection of other disappointing personality issues, in which case, yes, he's probably not worthy of your affection... but on its own, as a one-off incident, for him to be chastised for this when 99% of the posters above haven't even asked about the rest of the relationship, is a tragedy.

I personally think it doesn't look good, but I'd would encourage you to weigh the relationship as a whole rather than judge on one day. Whether that weighing comes out favourably or unfavourably is another matter!

🤮🤮🤮

Poppyblush · 28/08/2022 07:14

Presumably you dumped him??

BitOutOfPractice · 28/08/2022 07:15

I think the biggest red flag for me is that he happily spends on himself but not others. Can you imagine having children with this man? Bring financially reliant on him? Can you imagine what kind of financially controlling arsehole he’ll be then? Dump him op. Of course he’ll tell everyone you’re a grasping gold digger when you do but he’s shown you who he is, listen.

fwiw I’d been with my DP a couple of months when it was my birthday. He bought me a couple of funny, cheap presents, about in jokes we had, some perfume he knew I liked and a nice card. Not expensive, but thoughtful and funny and sweet. He’d made an effort and it showed me just what kind of man he was and is.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/08/2022 07:19

Dump.

He doesn’t value you enough to make an effort. Cost of gift I would be less worried about. 50-50 on your birthday meal is just heinous. If he was skint he should have ordered takeaway or cooked.

The posters who say he will expect you to contribute while on maternity etc are dead right. He is not a keeper

myyellowcar · 28/08/2022 07:21

It’s not the cost of the necklace or the meal, it’s that he’s shown you that your feelings and happiness are not important to him. It’s not about whether men believe in birthdays or special occasions.

Throw this one back, he’s shown you who he is. He doesn’t believe you are worth more than this. It’s the foundations for a financially abusive relationship. If you have a baby with him in the future, you can bet your bottom dollar he won’t contribute a penny to baby stuff and you’ll be expected to still contribute 50% to all household costs.

Sceptre86 · 28/08/2022 07:22

Ditch him.

CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee · 28/08/2022 07:25

C1N1C · 28/08/2022 06:55

While i DO agree that splitting a bill and the effort made is a bit underwhelming, I think there are a lot of selfish, shallow people in this post not looking at the bigger picture.

Too much effort is placed on birthdays, Valentine's days etc. They are the bane of many relationships because of all the people you see above. My wife is like that actually... she will happily spend massive amounts of money on extravagant gifts on my birthday or events, but ignore me every other day for the rest of the year. Kissing, hugs, any form of intimacy... all zero for the whole year (or if they do happen, they're done grudgingly), but I'll get a holiday on my birthday! Oral sex (apologies I've diverted it this way), is something pretty exclusively done for the recipient... it takes 5 minutes and is so so amazing, and she is really good at it... once a year! I've told her I'd take that even every few weeks than something she can solve with a credit card... even hugs and kisses... those daily small gestures that actually MEAN something.

So no, 100% disagree with all the media-influenced shallows above... if he makes you feel loved, cherished, happy, content and you get those butterflies when he enters a room, let a day of ball-dropping slide. Of course, he might not... (devil's advocate), and it could be that this is actually reflection of other disappointing personality issues, in which case, yes, he's probably not worthy of your affection... but on its own, as a one-off incident, for him to be chastised for this when 99% of the posters above haven't even asked about the rest of the relationship, is a tragedy.

I personally think it doesn't look good, but I'd would encourage you to weigh the relationship as a whole rather than judge on one day. Whether that weighing comes out favourably or unfavourably is another matter!

Sounds like a YOU problem

DrBlackbird · 28/08/2022 07:28

Tell him how you feel. Gauge his reaction and then decide what to do about the relationship. If he gets the point, apologises and says he’ll do better next time, give him time (all other things being equal). If he shrugs and thinks you’re over reacting, not fine. Sometimes you have to tell your OH what you’d like. Even how to celebrate a special occasion.

Aprilx · 28/08/2022 07:29

These days I am really not bothered about birthdays, I haven’t had a card from DH for years (nor got him one) and sometimes I receive a present and sometimes I don’t (same as him from me). I didn’t get a card on my 50th but I got a present.

But I was more interested in these things when I was thirty and in a nine month old relationship, I would have really hoped for some effort, and likewise I would have made effort.

When I read the thread title I thought well maybe it is acceptable if he is extremely skint right now, but if he has plenty of money and buys himself things then that doesn’t wash. He is either a miser or he doesn’t think a lot of you. Both are very good reasons to dump him.

Arbesque · 28/08/2022 07:29

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

There's being cautious with money and there's being downright mean. He wouldn't even treat her to a meal. He behaved like a gauche teenager.

hattie43 · 28/08/2022 07:31

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 06:06

You've been dating for 9 months
So maybeseen eachother 9 times?
What did you expect? A pearl necklace

He ordered you something. Yes maybe cheap but is that really all you care about?it makes you sound shallow af

Rubbish , it doesn't make the OP shallow at all . 30 is a big birthday and most people are able to put some thought into it . I'd also be hurt at such a lack of effort and wonder why I didn't mean enough to him to get it right . I know a guy who isn't great with gifts for his g/f which is why he asks for help and advice to choose nice things .

I think if OP stays with this guy she has to expect constant disappointments for birthdays and Xmas etc . Splitting a birthday meal cost is a real red flag to me , how far does splitting go , run out of milk in the weekend , that's 90p for your half please ... ....

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/08/2022 07:36

He sounds a bit stingy which I agree is unattractive. Its only been 9 months but maybe hes not the one.

Need2P · 28/08/2022 07:39

After 9 months and he make you pay for your 30th birthday meal, he'll just keep on disappointing you. Hope you had other celebrations with family and friends.
Happy 30rd Birthday OP!

LondonWolf · 28/08/2022 07:39

I'd find him completely unfanciable after this and have to dump.

Need2P · 28/08/2022 07:40

30th

caringcarer · 28/08/2022 07:40

If he genuinely had no money but made a huge effort with his time then you would still feel special. The fact he has money to treat himself but chooses not to treat you on a milestone birthday is a massive red flag. A cheap necklace that broke after 10 mins, what did he say when it broke? I'd throw it away and bin him off. If he is not making an effort now, imagine being married to him for 10 years. Wonder what you'd get for your 40th. My dh just took me for a 3 day trip to Bruges for my 60th and showered me in Belgian chocolates. Find someone more considerate.