Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30

Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:

Itloggedmeoutagain · 26/08/2022 11:39

I would have hated that for my hen do
How well does she know the bride?

NovaDeltas · 26/08/2022 11:39

Just drop out. "Sorry, I can't make it, unfortunately I don't wear 'whore' t-shirts and carry penises around, it's just not my thing."

2mumlife · 26/08/2022 11:41

Sounds awful. Tell the bride so she can intervene and have a nice weekend away.

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 11:41

I'd be very clear she can't just buy stuff and expect you all to join in. I'd also say you don't think the bride is going to be comfortable with x y and z and if it's not dropped you don't feel you can attend out of principle as you will not be a part of giving the bride a shit hen do.

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 11:42

Then tell bride you've dropped out as it didn't sound like your thing and offer to take her for a classy meal out.

20viona · 26/08/2022 11:42

This actually sounds like
Great fun and exactly what we did for our friend and it was a hoot. All depends on your personalities if it's something you'd enjoy or not.

BatshitBanshee · 26/08/2022 11:43

Since your best friend is the bride, I'd warn her what's going on and what has been planned. If this is not what she wants, this could really, really upset her.

I was ready to tap out of this at the £189 price tag but since it's your best friend I'd go. The rest of it with the tshirts, penises etc etc absolutely fucking not.

Hintofreality · 26/08/2022 11:44

Any decent restaurant would turn you all away if you rocked up in those t-shirts, ai’d point that out to her.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 11:44

Don't drop out, it'll just annoy your bride. Talk to the other hens and tell this power hungry organiser that you won't put up with this. (Assuming that's the case and they all feel the same way.)

Vonniee7 · 26/08/2022 11:45

Sounds like my idea of hell. If you honestly think your friend would not enjoy this then I'd tell her. If she chose the venue then it sounds like she was planning something a bit more sedate than what this hen is planning.

Vikinga · 26/08/2022 11:46

Ew that's not fun that's cringy

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 11:47

Has the bridesmaid actually confirmed if the restaurant will allow this sort of fancy dress?
I used to work in a very popular bar chain (think Slug and Lettuce), and even we wouldn't allow fancy dress. A few sashes and a veil, maybe some badges would be fine, but no way would a giant penis costume and possibly offensive t-shirts would be allowed.

From my experience, once everyone is all kitted up and psyched themselves up to wear this sort of thing and they then get knocked back from bars and restaurants, it ruins the night. At first people think they'll be able to sweet talk their way in or places will make and exception for them, but then reality hits and you end up with half the night wasted and everyone feeling a bit shit. Perhaps put this to the bridesmaid.

Honestly I think you need to woman up and speak to this other BM and tell her to back off too as she's making others feel uncomfortable with her ideas. Point blank tell her that you can't afford to and therefore wont send her money for all this stuff and neither will anyone else who doesn't want to. She bought it without you all agreeing so she can't be precious now.

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 11:47

If she is your best friend why aren't you MOH or arranging the details?

KyaClark · 26/08/2022 11:48

NovaDeltas · 26/08/2022 11:39

Just drop out. "Sorry, I can't make it, unfortunately I don't wear 'whore' t-shirts and carry penises around, it's just not my thing."

Sent this to the bride.

I'd hate it. It's not funny; it's tacky. You'll all look like twats.

TrueNorthernBird · 26/08/2022 11:48

I'd hate this as a bride, a hen or a diner at the restaurant. Awful, tacky and embarrassing.

I'd be telling my best friend.

Justcallmebebes · 26/08/2022 11:49

No way would I go along with that, it's embarrassing. I think if it was my best friend, I'd tell her I was thinking of dropping out and tell her why.

What about the other hens? Do you know them? Can you join forces with them to put a stop to this or at least tame it down, A LOT?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 11:49

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 11:47

If she is your best friend why aren't you MOH or arranging the details?

Not everyone has a MOH.

TBH the person organising it should be the ones who a) know the bride best and b) is good at organising things for a group of people they don't know.

Sounds like this woman is neither.

SurpriseSurprise · 26/08/2022 11:50

I thought that’s what hen do’s are about. But definitely check with the restaurant that you’re allowed to wear the costumes

It might be worth giving the bride a heads up if you really think she will hate it though. But if she will enjoy it then it’s not your party and you’ll have to go along with it

Cantanka · 26/08/2022 11:51

It’s awkward but as she is your best friend I think she will be upset if you don’t go.

Someone needs to rein in this idiot buying all the shit. Anything which people are being asked to put in for has to be agreed in advance - too late now but an overall cost should have been made known to people before they committed

Thatswhyimacat · 26/08/2022 11:52

Never ceases to amaze me that there are women old enough to get married but cackle at the sight of a penis.

A cute matching hen t shirt, with names on the back? Maybe. Who wants to walk around in a shirt advertising themselves as a 'whore'? It's so tacky and desperate.

Springing a stripper on people is really out of order as well. This happened to me, I've been sexually assaulted and this barely out of his teens lad waving his balls in my face was pretty horrific.

Please tell the bride as it doesn't seem like this knob is going to back down.

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 11:53

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Well yes but if the OP is the brides best friend she should still be the one taking lead on this

I had similar when arranging my best friends hen do, had to really reign in some of the other bridesmaids, didn't make me popular but at least the hen do was what my friend bloody wanted (no we aren't making pissing flower crowns or making bath bombs )

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 26/08/2022 11:54

I actually think that £189 for a 2 night stay in a house with a pool and hot tub is very reasonable.

TBH I enjoy a tacky hen do and I’d just do whatever I thought would make the hen happy. Take your t-shirt off in the restaurant after 5 minutes if you want and claim you’re too hot.

As for a stripper - again what would the bend want? £40 is a lot mind you. My best friend organised one (12 years ago) and everyone chipped in a tenner, I think there was 15 of us.

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 11:54

Thatswhyimacat · 26/08/2022 11:52

Never ceases to amaze me that there are women old enough to get married but cackle at the sight of a penis.

A cute matching hen t shirt, with names on the back? Maybe. Who wants to walk around in a shirt advertising themselves as a 'whore'? It's so tacky and desperate.

Springing a stripper on people is really out of order as well. This happened to me, I've been sexually assaulted and this barely out of his teens lad waving his balls in my face was pretty horrific.

Please tell the bride as it doesn't seem like this knob is going to back down.

Meh penises are funny

My mother got remarried a few years ago and still donned her obligatory penis whistle and straw at 55! Loved it

Original poster

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:54

Just to clarify, the other hen isn't a bridesmaid or involved in the wedding party at all. She will be a guest at the wedding but is invited to the hen do.
The bride isn't having a MOH as her sister passed away a few years ago and she always wanted her sister to have that role. She is only having two bridesmaids, myself and one of her other friends. The other friend is very laidback and is just going along with all of the plans made by the other hen.

I will admit I'm not a very confident person and really hate coming to blows with anyone, this other hen is like a bulldozer as well and I just cba with her. But sounds like I need to woman up and tell her to sod off.

The thing is, as soon as the bride left the group chat, the other hen started bombarding the group with things she had bought and what she was planning. Following it all up with "ladies lets remember this weekend isnt about us but about the bride. We need to give her the best", making it very awkward in the chat for anyone trying to oppose her.

OP posts:

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 26/08/2022 11:55

This post reminds me of a work colleague who was really annoyed we did a classy do rather than penis paraphernalia- she got roaring drunk and asked where all her Willy straws and dare cards were

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30